Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Merry Christmas From The Hype

Happy non-deist, pan-ethnic, global time of moral relativism - formerly known
as Christmas, and shall henceforth, be forever referred to as "the other, awful

I don't want to get into a 14 paragraph diatribe, trying to convince the people
who sniff glue and read Jimmy Carter books, that Christmas continues to be
under attack by the pod people at the ACLU, and the usual gang of bah-humbuggers.
As most people who work in office settings, or have children in school know,
Christmas is definitely the "holiday non grata".

Most of us have become accustomed to being asked, or ordered, to refrain
from any mention, or suggestion of Christmas, out of "respect" for those
who have different belief systems.

Let me say this so there is no ambiguity. When we coerce or force citizens
to refrain from showing symbols of Christmas, we are not respecting differing
belief systems-we are catering to their intolerance, and prejudices.

Anyway, I don't want to be a cranky curmudgeon on Christmas day. I ate so much
turkey last night, I thought someone would have to call Jerry Springer to
come saw a hole in the front of my house, and wheel me out on a fork lift.

Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas, and a blessed holiday season.



Thursday, December 07, 2006

All Roads Lead To Friday

The weekend is upon us. Time to beckon your sommelier from the wine cellar,
and pick out the finest Macenudo from your humidor. Perhaps sit by a fire
and read a chapter from "God and Man at Yale". Or, if you're like me,
watch Cops while stuffing your face with Zesty Cheese Doritos.

Nothing too piquant to parlay to you this weekend. I have a rather lengthy
blog piece I'm working on regarding Quebec culture, or more precisely,
Quebec popular culture - so keep your eyes out for that.

On another note, the media's posthumous editorial castration of the newly
decomposing Mr Pinochet, wouldn't be so noteworthy, if it were not for the
gob-smacking hypocrisy, and the amped-up level of righteous indignation.
In the jaundiced eye of the far-left, there is but one standard for judging
evil, and that is being viewed by American conservative intellectuals
as having been a slightly more tolerable evil, than other evils. In the
eyes of the Keith Olbermann's of the world, there is no Gulag horrific enough
to shadow the horrors of having once had the marginal approval, of free market

Anyway, tired of being a spectator? Want to be heard? Click on over to
Hype Nation,




Sunday, December 03, 2006

Michael Ignatieff - Pudding Time!

See that picture? Little weird isn't it? Kinda looks like
one of the "special people" from the care home down the street
who just found out that they were going to be serving
chocolate pudding for desert. If you listen closely, you can
almost here him screaming; "YAY POOODING! YAY POOODING".

The man in that picture is Michael Ignatieff, who recently
lost his bid to become the next leader of Canada's liberal party.
Now, Mr. Ignatieff is a talented writer, and a pretty smart guy, as
far as left-wing pseudo intellectuals go. The point of the stock
photo I pulled off of google images, is to illustrate just how
ill at ease Mr. Ignatieff seems to be in public.

Throughout the day on Saturday, the cameras would pan in on him,
and would always capture, without exception, a range of bizarre
expressions. Phony smiles, shoulder nudges followed by wide-eyed,
feigned surprise, and this weird thing he continued to do with his
eyebrows, cocking them upwards to the point that they appeared to
touch his hairline.

He seems to constantly have the look of man who walked in on
his elderly parents making love at a young age, and has been
trying in vein to erase the mental image from his head for decades.

Michael Ignatieff is indeed an Enigma. A person, who David Frum once
described as ..."a man without empathy trying to understand those who
possess it...a man who has arrogantly separated himself from the suffering
human race grappling with the realization that he belongs to it"

Ignatieff admitted as much in his novel "Scar Tissue", a memorable
piece of Canadian literature, perhaps even reaching brilliance.

I guess I'll avoid tripping into psycho babble trying to explain the
possible emotional motivations of a man who inexplicably thrusts himself
into the political spotlight to try and better a nation filled with
people that, who by his admission, he doesn't understand, and feels
alienated from.

There's an old quote about Neville Chamberlain, I forget who said it,
it went something along the lines of; "When Neville Chamberlain was alone
in a room, no one was there, not even Chamberlain". It spoke to Chamberlain's
utter lack of a sense of self, a sad comment on a man who mimicked emotions,
because he had no clear understanding of what they where. Ignatieff seems to
suffer from the same form of social retardation, only he lacks the skills
to fake it.

Anyway, looks like Michael Ignatieff won't be getting his pudding - Political,
or otherwise. YAY POOODING!



Thursday, November 30, 2006

Weekend Update Time

Well another weekend has come and gone as we continue our womb
to tomb full tilt boogie to the rapture. What a week! Michael
Richards went on a racist tirade, stopping just short of doing
a black face skit, and singing Jimmy Crack Corn. Jim Webb, the
supposed "Democratic Southern Gentleman", made a complete,
undignified ass of himself at a White House Reception, and
the Democratic party continues to implode as another of Nancy
Pelosi's picks of the week got kicked to the curb.

It appears that Mizz Pelosi is so punch drunk with power, and possibly
cheap malt liquor, that she deluded herself into believing that the
public would overlook the fact that her nominee to head the House
Select Committee on Intelligence, Alcee Hastings, was impeached,
disbarred, and removed from the bench, for among other things, accepting
a $120,000 bribe that eventually led to 21 racketeering indictments.
Pelosi and the press tried to play the race card, but to little effect
given the scope of Hastings' misdeeds, and the sheer size of his waste.
(I'm told other smaller House members sometimes orbit around his hemispheric
mid section.)

Anyway I might as well end this with the strangest thing I overheard today;

"We had 4 dogs and a cat. My husband was mad because we had too many
pets, but the dogs ate the cat, so they kind of took care of the problem
for me"



Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Can't Stop The Shop

If the record turnout for the post American Thanksgiving, Greco-Roman
orgy of shopping is any indication, this years X-Mas retail sales
are going to be higher than Willie Brown in a seedy motel room. So
frenzied was the shopping and eating extravaganza, that plumbing
calls for clogged sinks and backed up toilets increased by 50%
on that day alone!!. They don't call it black Friday for nothing.

As always, I encourage all my loyal readers to keep the free market rockin' in
the free world, and spend, spend, spend - like Ted Kennedy in a house of ill
repute on 2 for 1 Tuesday.

Now, as always, there are a few festive malcontents who smugly refrain
from any form of holiday philanthropy because of their disdain of the
very economic system that allows them the freedom to waste my hard
earned tax money, organizing protests so they can rid the world of Starbucks
coffee shops, while the rest of us have to actually work for a living. Frankly,
if these whiney little enviro-freaks want to knit reusable hemp tampons for
the person on their Secret Santa list, that's fine with me, as long as they
don't try to sell me any "Fair Trade" coffee beans. Remember, the next time
one of these anti-trade layabouts starts screaming about how your cup of
coffee comes from the work of exploited child labour, remind them that it's
their tiny hands that make it so tasty!!!

Ok, maybe the acidic nature of this update is a little out of sync with
the very spirit of Thanksgiving that is supposed to melt the heart of
even the most ardent of misanthropists amongst us. But, just like turkey
ain't turkey without the stuffing, the Hype ain't the Hype without taking a few
bow shots at lefties, liberals, paleo-liberals, extreme libertarians, and
their unkempt cousins, the anarchists - (to borrow a phrase from the
invaluable Jonah Goldberg)

Anyway, if you're still waiting for the plumber to retrieve the Playstation
you dropped down the toilet, while trying to get the high score on 'Aliens
versus Predator: Extinction' in the bathtub - hang tight. They're probably
next door trying to unclog the catastrophe the Ritalin fuelled kid from next
door stuffed down the kitchen sink.



Sunday, November 26, 2006


Sorry for my post weekend delay, but I was plagued by the same intestinal
virus that floored my girlfriend a few weeks ago, landing me
an all expenses paid vacation with IV and all the amenities at the
Moncton City Hospital. Without getting into graphic details, let's
just say I was New Orleans, and the levees busted.

Anyway, I have to give my props to my main man Ace, who gave
me a shout-out over at his witty and illuminating site, where
he waxes blog-style, about everything from poker to politics, to

A point of contention regarding Ace's Zombie post. Ace
refers to the fast moving flesh eating creatures in Danny
Boyle's '28 Days Later' as Zombies, when in fact, they're
actually infected with the "rage virus", as apposed to being
members of the walking dead. So there more like Michael Richards,
as apposed to the new Democratic controlled house and senate.



Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Weekend Update

Oy! Barely a week after the midterm elections and Nancy Pelosi
and the Democrats are already imploding. Pelosi, who the media
likes the refer to as a doting grandmother, but who more closely
resembles a mildly retarded, angry feminist cyborg, had her top
pick for Majority leader John Murtha, handily rejected by her
party - opting instead to vote for her personal nemesis Steny Hoyer,
who trounced Murtha by a vote of 149 to 86. It was amusing to see
Pelosi try and keep her composure under the glare of the media lights,
especially given the fact that she hates Steny Hoyer, the way Skelator
hates Heman. Her fake smile made her look like a Mary Kay agent,
who showed up drunk in the lobby of a hotel. This is what happens
when you vote for Democrats. It's bad for the country, but great
for my blog!

Anyway, I'm off to the Saint Andrew's for the weekend, so
you'll have to peruse through the nifty archive on the top right
hand corner of the page, if you need your daily fix of the Straight
Hype - heroin for the conservative-libertarian in all of you!

Trivia for the Week...

The Straight Hype was once a web site that was rated one of the
top 10 conservative web sites in North America. What was its
original name?

Email your answer to

Monday, November 13, 2006


Many of my readers have been asking where the reader mail
section is, and well, the answer is a little complicated.

I conscientiously read all of my emails and respond to all questions
and comments in a timely and courteous manner. My readers are important
to me. They are the lifeblood of this organ. Without you, the Hype would
be just another dot-com cargo cult in the wasteland of cyberspace. But
somewhere, in between your family outing to the monster truck pull and
your appearance on Judge Judy, you email my blog and pollute my inbox
with the noisy static that crams up the inner workings of your brain.

Admittedly, I am a bit of an intellectual tricotteuse. It's one thing to
give slaps to liberals, paleo-liberals, and rabid Jacobites, but some of
you somehow manage to fall outside of the ice-cold grip of stereotype.

You are the people who think music hit its apex when Lynard Skynard
recorded "Sweet home Alabama". The kind of folks who declare they'll never
visit "Effigy" because it seems someone's always getting hung there. You
know who you are. You buy generic soda pop, and own a copy of "Wrestle
Mania III". You think the West reached an all-new cultural plateau when
Garth Brooks broke the mould by tearing down the walls between country
and rock, spawning the insipid "Country Rock" genre.

Now, before you all grab rag torches and drag me out of my house in the
middle of the night, let me be clear that reader mail, as my old fans
remember, is not a place where I pat my loyal readers on the backs.
My readers are always quick to send kind words and comments every day.
Reader mail is where I disembowel people who make the mistake of whipping
off poorly worded emails laced with insults, and infantile pseudo-Trotskyite

Anyway, the site is picking up steam, and running fast - like Rosie
O'Donnell trying to get the last chicken wing at the all you can eat

Please be patient.




Being a child born well into the Age of Reason, I don't easily fall
victim to claims of malevolent auras pervading the atmosphere - that
was until read of a near-fatal airborne bovine catastrophe in Turkey.

Reports are that diners at a swank restaurant in Istanbul were nearly
flattened into their karniyarik after a cow crashed through the roof
of the establishment. Miraculously, no one was injured but the cow is
quite dead. Whether the cow was already on the roof at the time of the
incident, and just how it got there in the first place, remains a mystery.

Why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks'.



Thursday, November 09, 2006

Mid Term Malaise

Tuesday's mid term election was a lot of things, but it
certainly was not an endorsement of the
Democratic party, nor was it a carte-blanche mandate, for Nancy Pelosi's
extreme left wing agenda. A closer look at how Americans voted on
various ballot initiatives, as well as the social and fiscal
conservative leanings of the candidates they chose, show that
the Democratic leadership would be ill advised to misread the

Without a doubt, Iraq came into play, but not to the extent, or the
way in which pundits would have you believe. Democrats simply enjoyed
a strange anomaly of the American electoral system called the 6 year itch.

Since 1934, during the 6th year of a two term presidency, the opposite
party has always picked up congressional seats. The exception being
the second year of Bill Clinton's presidency, when Democrats got
whacked like a tardy Japanese housewife.

There are a myriad of reasons why Republicans have found themselves
in the current situation of being the minority party in both houses,
but the 2000 pound elephant in the room that sycophantic pundits are
too blind to see, is that somewhere along the line, Republican's just
stopped being Republicans.

The American electorate have always been predominately conservative,
and the Republican leadership has offered nothing over the last 8 years
but run away pork spending, soft leadership on social issues, and backstabbing
the administration when the war began to go south. Tuesday was the political
version of jury nullification. A not so gentle reminder to Republicans
that the conservative revolution that was set into motion by Newt Gingrich
almost a decade ago has fallen off the track.

There are many lessons to be learned down at the RNC over the next
two years, the question is, is anyone listening.



Thursday, November 02, 2006

Bow Wowser!!!

Now I know all you global, pan-enthnicity layabouts get your Birkenstocks
in a knot every time I wax on about the moral superiority of Western
culture, or how capitalism is the only real moral vehicle to promote
democracy and freedom to the those living under the jackboots of the
leviathan state around the world. A recent AP story, however, may have
you thinking twice before taking Fido on your next world tour.

The Canadian Food Inspection Agency recently rebuffed a second effort
by the South Korean government to import thousands of cans of dog meat
(yes, dog meat) for sale on the Canadian market. Now if the idea of canine
in a can isn't revolting enough in itself, vendors at the last World Cup
were reported to have sold thousands of cans of "Dog Meat Juice" to thirsty
soccer Hooligans who lapped up the stuff like citrus Gatorade.

Who the hell would market a dog-based sports drink?

"Canine Aide - Unleash the Power"

Ick. Anyway, Canadian officials were reluctant to point out there
is technically no law preventing this crap from being imported.
Maybe they can give a free tin away with every case of Budweiser.

Both are unfit for human consumption.



Wednesday, November 01, 2006

No Joking Matter

Thank you John Kerry. No, I haven't been sniffing paint thinner, I'm
actually grateful that the would be President decided to turn the mid-
term elections into his own personal soap box to gripe about his
failed presidential bid.

No doubt the folks down at the DNC are using 4 letter expletives
before Senator Kerry's name, after John-boy decided to denigrate
the good name of the troops two days ago, when he told a group of
California students that individuals who don't study hard and do their
homework would likely "get stuck in Iraq". Sure Mr Kerry. Knuckle
dragging troglodytes like ex-NFL player Pat Tillman, who gave his
life fighting in Iraq. Folks like Mr Tillman don't represent the bottom
rung of the success ladder, they represent the top of it. People who
studied hard. People who did their homework. People who ended up in Iraq,
and served their country with honour.

So you might ask, why am I thanking John Kerry? Certainly not for
besmirching our troops, but for giving the public a much needed
reminder of what the country has in store with people like Senator Kerry
and Nancy Pelosi at the helm. A not so subtle reminder of why they
relected President Bush in 2004, and why they should keep Democrats
out of the house and Senate in 2006.

Perhaps John O'Neil says it best;

“Kerry has stated this was just a misfired joke. But it was not a
joke to the Pennsylvania mother with two sons in the Marines in Iraq
(who both volunteered with MBAs and far higher grades than C-student Kerry)
who recently called me crying. Nor was it a joke to millions of us who
listened to our maimed and dead friends described by Kerry in 1971 as an army
of rapists and murderers."



Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Hallo-Weenies - How the Green Police Stole Halloween

Halloween. The modern day celebration of All Hallows' Eve. The night preceding the Christian Feast day, 'All Saint's Day'. It's a time for carving pumpkins, trick or treating, and if our kooky friends from the environmentalist movement are to be believed,


I remember the Halloween warning tips that I used to get as a kid. They were the usual, practical tips. Shopper's Drug Mart and Zellers used to stuff them in Mom's bag when she went shopping. They told her to check all treats, wear bright coloured clothing, and avoid drinking any juices that had names like urine-aide. (well, I made the last one up). But seeing that all our treasured holiday's have been commandeered by the Enviro-Zeitgeist, they just can't restrain themselves from using scare tactics to needlessly frighten parents about the supposedly ghoulish chemicals found in children's Halloween make-up.

The usual suspects behind the Halloween horror, are of course, or friends from the "The Green Guide Institute", whose executive board likes to pony up hefty political contributions to wacky Democrats like John Edwards. You remember him. The guy who said that Christopher Reeves would be walking today if John Kerry were President?

They drag out the same old boogiemen, the chemicals found in face make-up such as Phthalates, Parabens, and a few others they claim can cause all kinds of horrible things, like cancer and sterility. Of course they never quote all the studies that show this is absolute nonsense. They cherry-pick the data, until they come across some dubious study done on rats, and use it proof that using Halloween make-up is tantamount to child abuse. Let me re-assure you, every study shows that young children that were exposed to extremely high levels of these chemicals as children, showed absolutely no signs of health problems 20 years later. It's enviro scare-mongering, pure and simple.

Anyway, by the time you get this Halloween will be done and over The kids are nursing a massive belly ache, from their Greco-Roman orgy of sugar intake, and you're likely in no better shape after your office Halloween party.

I guess the lesson here is that, it's people's business if they want to be, "friends of the environment". The trouble comes when they make all kinds of fantastical claims about the products you use in your everyday life. Environmentalists are a lot like politicians. If you want to see if they're lying, just check if their lips are moving.



Thursday, October 26, 2006

Hospital of Horrors!!

I am anxiously sitting in a cramped room in the acute care section of the Moncton City Hospital. My girlfriend was admitted about 21 hours ago after experiencing severe abdominal pains following a fainting spell at home. She's been wheeled away for a CT scan by some guy who resembles an overgrown cabbage patch kid that smoked a giant bag of weed for breakfast. Extremely reassuring. The wonders of socialized medicine in action.

I don't like hospitals. People usually aren't there because their day is going swimmingly. Hospitals are like really uncomfortable hotels, with needles and sick people - which is, I think, the basic definition of a motel. The floor has dried drips of blood on it, and there's a giant blood smear on the side of the yellow hazardous materials disposal bin. Great for Halloween ambiance, not so great for patient peace of mind. I keep thinking of that scary movie I saw as a kid, Dr. Giggles.

There's a cart of cleaning supplies in front of me, but no one seems trained on how to use them. That, or hospitals are so convoluted and weighed down by union bureaucracy, no one is sure who's actually allowed to touch them. The mop looks lonely. I'd like to set it up for a date with the floor. I'm sure they would get along fabulously.

We've had rounds of blood work and x-rays, ruled out a myriad of possibilities, and nothing is showing up in the tests - which is comforting at one moment, and unsettling the next. The experience started off on the wrong foot with the triage nurse, who had all the charm and personality of a late night mortuary attendant. She comforted France with a gruff "What's wrong with you?" as a greeting. Oh gee, I don't know. I was just in the area and thought I'd pop in for your I.V. and movie night.

My poor France. She keeps apologizing for being sick, instead of concentrating on herself. That's my baby. She's puts everyone else before herself, which is why she's an angel.

The doctors are fantastic. They are working all the angles and being extremely thorough. The nurses are a little less impressive. They seemed so fueled up on coffee and sugar that they scream every thing they say in a high pitched nervous giggle.

"HEY, HELLO! I'm going to poke you with this needle, OK? And it's going to sting, OK?"

This is definitely not comforting coming from a nurse who looks like she just had a Tim Horton's enema.

If I ever got bad news in a hospital, I think I would like the news delivered by a short, hyper-active Italian doctor.

"Oh a-my-god-a. You are a-really seek. Gooda lorda man. You-a-gonna die."

At least you could mute the tragic blow with the comic effect.

Anyway, by the time you read this, I'm happy to report that France is home and feeling a little better. The tests all came out normal, and for the moment, they seem to think it was a case of extreme dehydration from an intestinal virus. Far better than the poor buddy in the room next to us, who had something called an arachnoid cyst on his brain (it sounds scarier than it actually is).

Life is funny that way. I'm always so grateful for my precious France, but in situations like this, life has a funny way of tapping you on the shoulder and reminding you just how blessed you really are.



Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Beyond the Badurst Dome

I have just returned from a 4 day vacation/retreat in Bathurst. No, not the kind of retreat where rich liberals from Vermont drive their SUV's with HILLARY 08 bumper stickers out to Martha's Vineyard to smoke pot and kneel before a carved wooden statue of John F Kennedy and sing Paul Simon songs.

It was a different type of retreat, but that's another story. Of far more interest was the brief power outage that occurred in Bathurst on Saturday night, which sent the neighbours teeming into the streets like mad savages with flashlights. Instead of kicking back by candle light with their families in the safe confines of their living rooms, they decided to take to the streets with crudely taped flashlights attached to their bicycles, whooping and yelling like the orks in Lord Of The Rings. It’s as if they thought by morning we would be living in a Mad Max, post-apocalyptic society where everyone would be using rag-torches for light and eating weaker family members for food. It was all a bit much.

Anyway, reader mail coming, so hang tight. It will be up shortly.



Wednesday, October 18, 2006

But Wait! There's More!!!

"But Wait! There's more!" On a normal day, those are probably the last words you hear from the Mormons on your front porch before you slam the door in their faces. What is it with Mormons and those short sleeve white shirts, skinny ties, and mountain bikes? They look like CIA agents in the aftermath of major budget cuts.

"Sorry Agents Russ and Thompson, but in a measure to help stem rising costs at the agency, we're eliminating cars, and cutting shirt sleeves to elbow length. Good luck out there, and remember to secure your helmet firmly under your chin".

Seriously, there is a lot more to The Straight Hype. If you peek over to the right side of the page, you'll see an archive section that you can peruse at your leisure. There's lots of great stuff from years past, and even a free salad bar for the first 25 readers. So check it out. (No, there isn't really any salad).

The response to the Straight Hype has been overwhelming, so within the next week, I will be opening a new site called "Hype Nation" where readers can post their comments and debate yours truly. I'll be off for the next few days, so have a good weekend, and stay safe.




No Mormons were harmed in the making of this post.

Honor, A History

James Bowman once wrote that;

"the word “honor” rarely makes an appearance in the movies when it is not mere hypocrisy, a cover for vice and wickedness"

The subject so fascinated Mr. Bowman that he has spent the last 5 years working on an impressive tome that chronicles the history of honor in our society, and the impact of living in a post-honor society. The book is available through Encounter Books, and can be purchased by clicking the link below:

I have had the privilege of corresponding with Mr. Bowman throughout the years, and I must tell you the guy is one smart cookie. He can probably crack walnuts just by looking at them, using nothing but sheer brain power.

The book has been met by rave reviews from National Review Online to the Wall Street Journal, and is definitely Straight Hype approved! The book makes a great present in time for Christmas, or festivus, or insert miscellaneous politically correct late december holiday here.



Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Trash Talkin'

If some guy were to ask you "What is wet waste?" you would probably think of Ted Kennedy, or soiled diapers - or Ted Kennedy in soiled diapers (sorry for the unfortunate mental image that will now forever be emblazoned in your head).

You can imagine the cognitive dissonance that occurred when that very question was posed to me in the form of a glossy pamphlet provided by our provincial government. For those of you who already live in provinces or states where the "green police" are in full, jack-booted operation, you're probably already enduring the daily drudgery of "garbage separation". For the uninitiated, dry garbage has to go in a blue bag, and wet garbage in a green one. It's annoying and yucky, and has no discernable effect that can be proved for the environment.

Now, let me be clear. I'm not one of those folks from the "black helicopter" crowd, who have stock piles of canned goods and fire arms in the basement, waiting for the next coming of Stalin incarnate. However, I don't like the government in my garbage. The provincial government is already trying to dictate what my stepdaughter can bring for lunch, and has even gone so far as to ban the sale of cookie dough for school fundraisers, claiming it promotes poor eating habits.

I can tolerate the government running endless ads encouraging people to eat more green leafy vegetables and tofu frittata. What I cannot tolerate is some sand-poundingly stupid provincial legislator who spent way too many lunch breaks in high school at the model UN club policing what my children eat, and by proxy, what I eat - and most of all, where I put my garbage.

My girlfriend and I spend a lot of our time working with addicts and alcoholics. It's our choice. It's a cause to which we choose to devote time. No government regulation is forcing us to help deal with a health problem much more serious than eating cookie dough or putting banana peels in the wrong garbage bag.

If you want to eat healthier, or waste your time putting used tampons in the same bag as the carrot peels, knock yourself out - just stay the hell out of my garbage.



Monday, October 16, 2006

Gimme the Straight Hype, Joe!

As Denis Leary once quipped, "Some laugh, others need an explanation". The Straight Hype is the new incarnation of what used to be the highly trafficked Web site "The Rant". The Rant closed down its doors several years ago after it became cost prohibitive, and my web master went insane drinking cough syrup and watching Pauly Shore movies, looking for hidden Keynesian references in the dialogue (he didn't find any, but he was last seen eating cold Spaghetti out of the can, and wearing Ritz cracker boxes on his feet).

Seriously, The Straight Hype is a blend of humour, thoughtful commentary, and opinion on political and social issues. The Straight Hype is a conservative blog, with a libertarian twist - which means that I am generally socially and fiscally conservative, but also love South Park and fart jokes. I hope that you find this site informative and entertaining. At times, it may seem like I've spent too much time drinking Jolt Cola and driving the Oscar Meyer Weiner mobile - what can I say? All work and no play makes you crazier than Al Gore at a petting zoo (not that all Gore needs other stimuli to make him any crazier).

I promise this will be the last time I explain what this blog is to our new readers, and will refrain from apologizing for my recent absence to my regular fans.




...and don't let da kai hit your ass on the way out

Sources within the Chinese Government, including unnamed military sources and academics, have been hinting that China may a back a coup in Pyongyang after North Korea's drunken midget dictator, Kim Jong Il, tested a low yield nuclear weapon. China, who is no stranger to human rights abuses and brutal political suppression, seems to at least have the clarity to see that Kim Jong has gone beyond being a tyrant and a nuisance, and has become the region's version of a hyper-active child running with open scissors.

The Australian is reporting that the Chinese government is weighing the option of backing a regime change, after three internal coups failed and ended in bloodshed in the late 90's.

Though the initial reports are promising, whether China will act remains an open question. As one diplomat recently commented;

"The Chinese have given up on Kim Jong-il, the question is, what are they going to do about it?"



Sunday, October 15, 2006

Pychos in our Midst

Sorry about my rather lengthy absence. I was lost in a strange netherworld, sniffing airplane glue, huddled in the corner of my rat infested basement, writing cryptic Greek messages on the wall, and screaming about ants and Wilfred Laurier. Actually, I had to take a hiatus for a little over a year while I settled into to my new family life (details to follow). Anyway, what do you do with an unstable man who is constantly drunk on Hennessy brandy, wears lifts in his shoes due to his chronic insecurity about his height, spends endless hours in his private screening room watching Godzilla movies, and likes to play with nuclear weapons?

Giving him a tin-foil hat and a prime spot on main street might be your first answer, but what do you do when the basket case happens to be Kim Jong Il, the kooky dictator of one of the most basket case nations on the planet, North Korea? Well, if it's up to those bureaucrats who love endless dialogue and getting nothing done while sipping over-rated wine and eating stinky French cheeses, the answer is.....threaten to take away his bottle.

Yep, the get tough United Nations decided to go completely SHAK on his ass and threatened to inspect all outgoing cargo (impossible to enforce), and ban the sale of luxury items, meaning Kim's booze (also impossible to enforce). The problem lies with China, who uses North Korea as a way-station to smuggle out their own illegal stockpiles of weapons, and weird alternative health products like (and I'm not kidding) bull semen and crushed tiger penis.

China calls the shots on inspections, and has made it clear they will not comply with the resolutions, despite some earlier signs of hope, after even they got spooked when Captain Nut Job decided to detonate a low yield nuclear weapon off the coast of Korea. Spooked, but not spooked enough to keep those crates of illegal bull semen from leaving port to service the needs of aging hippies suffering from shrivelled willie syndrome.

President Bush, to his credit, seems to be the only one to have been bold enough to point out the fact that drunk crazy people shouldn't be allowed to have plutonium, but he also knows that the UN likes to talk endlessly about the things they might do, but never, ever do. All credit to American Ambassador Bolton for stressing the need for stiffer sanctions, and even managing to force a few of them through. But even the usual quick-to-act President Bush seems at a loss as to how to proceed next.

Where are the guys from South Park when you need them?