Monday, March 30, 2009

Burn After Blogging

I have my weigh-in today at Simply For Life, and I'm down another belt loop, so let's hope that my massive Canadian body mass index has gone down again!


1 - It's too early to be blogging. Do I lack good taste and proper sleeping habits? Yes - but that's not the point. I can't sleep for the life of me lately. Well, not exactly lately. It's a problem that has plagued me since childhood, and seems to run on my dear mother's side of the family.

The good doctor and I have seemingly exhausted every measure short of buying audio tapes of back issues of The Public Interest. First, we went the urban legends/old wives tale route. Then came the natural homeopathic tree-hugger route. Now finally, the heavy duty industrial pharmaceutical route. No luck. They even gave me a sleeping pill they give to disruptive inmates IN PRISONS (I'm not joking) - even THAT didn't work. Any suggestions? Boy, am I going to be sorry I asked that last question, but I'm going to be huddled in the corner soon, drawing crazy scribbles on the wall with a permanent marker if I don't get some shut eye.

2 - Saw No Country For Old Men last night. The film left me flat. It's sad that such formidable talents like the Cohen brothers are, if their last films are any indication, falling into meaningless nihilism.

Just like Burn After Reading, the only point the film made was that the world is full of evil or stupid people who seem to lack any logical motivation for their actions. Remember the visual treat of The Hudsucker Proxy, or the wonderfully simple morality tales of Blood Simple, Fargo and The Big Lebowski? They just seem to be revelling in their own cleverness, which is running on short supply as of late.

One great line in Burn After Reading, though, was when Pitt, obviously out of his element, tries to sound like a high level espionage agent and deadpans;

"We have.....your....shit"

3 - A pretty friend of my fiancee and I was offered bacon cookies by a stranger who said he had them in the trunk of his car. She was obviously freaked and high tailed it, but cookies+bacon might equal delicious goodness. On the other hand, cookies+creepy man offering them from the back of his truck probably also equals anal rape and a starring role in an Ann Rule book.

4 - James Bowman has a new book that I just ordered from Amazon called Media Madness, and for those of you who took my suggestion and read and enjoyed Honor, a History, you should really rush out to get this book. Mr. Bowman is the best movie critic out there, and now that he's forayed into the field of book writing, we fans are delighted. James is invaluable to the conservative movement, and as I've said many times on this blog, has such stunning intellect and brain power, he could probably make your head explode just by looking at it! If you don't buy his book...maybe he will.

5- Nah. Mr. Bowman wouldn't do something like that, but I'm sure he's tempted to do it to me with my pestering emails.

6- Have a good weekend and check out this great acoustic version of Sixpence None the Richer's Kiss Me -which I think is the most perfect pop song ever written.



Oh yeah! I forgot to mention - reading Media Madness will trim your waistline by inches and make you the envy of all your supermodel friends.

A Dangerous Game

If there's one thing that President Bush understood about ancient Arab honour cultures, it was that they perceive olive branch overtures to diplomacy as naive signs of weakness. Bin Laden said this himself as far back as 1996, when Clinton's Obama-style diplomacy was met with mockery;

"...when tens of your solders were killed in minor battles and one American Pilot was dragged in the streets of Mogadishu you left the area carrying disappointment, humiliation, defeat and your dead with you. Clinton appeared in front of the whole world threatening and promising revenge, but these threats were merely a preparation for withdrawal. "

Emboldened by over a decade of American inaction, the extreme elements of Islam hit hard on September 11th, 2001, feeling comforted that there would be no reprisals by the new American culture of understanding and diplomatic weakness. They soon found out they messed with the wrong cowboy.

Extreme Theocracies and Islamofascists in the Arab world are becoming emboldened again by the naive pattering of President Obama. In a recent video to Iran, Obama praised the "...true greatness of the Iranian people and civilization". He could not have said anything more sand-poundingly stupid and dangerous then if he had invited President Ahmadinejad to the White House to watch American Idol over Nachos and goat's milk.

Iran's Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khameini, immediately shot back with ridicule and contempt that a sitting President would act in such a manner, viewed as weak and womanly amongst honour cultures;

"Have you released Iranian assets? Have you lifted oppressive sanctions? Have you given up mudslinging and making accusations against the great Iranian nation and its officials? Have you given up your unconditional support for the Zionist regime? Even the language remains unchanged."

Oh yeah, and when he was done, the crowd chanted "Death to America" for about an hour. Nice G-7 Democracy you have there. Pity if anything should happen to it.

So, is this the new responsible approach to foreign relations the President promised on the campaign trail? Making the US look vulnerable and cowardly? It appears so.

President Bush understood the Arab mindset, and his no compromise, no capitulation policy kept America safe for over 8 years. President Obama is a naif and a danger to America's security. Let's hope Iran's ridicule serves as a warning that warm and fuzzy overtures only lead to high-jacked planes and dead Americans.



Tuesday, March 24, 2009

All ABOARD!!!!

Dateline - Somewhere on a train in the vast expanse between Moncton and Bathurst.

I'm trying to identify the odd smell of discount aftershave that's permeating the air. It's one of the dozens of cheap aftershaves you find at any pharmacy that have tried to re-invent themselves over the years by adding the word "cool" or "mountain fresh" to the label. Ah! Just figured it out! It's Gillette "Cool Wave". Kind of smells like alcohol, soap, and bubble gum. My eyes are burning. The gentleman currently wearing this high-end scent must fancy himself a lady's man, as I suspect he poured the entire contents of the bottle over his head before leaving the house. I'm not sure if the train is on fire, or if I am one of the many victims of this olfactory abortion. Perhaps he considers this a form of contraception, because no one's going to sleep with him smelling like that. If this is the case, he's wise to take such preventative measures - he's wearing jogging pants with the backend view suggesting they're ready to burst in the ass - think that shiny Teflon look that tells you your backside is about to become an undefended border. A lady could never resist such charms.

I realize this is the bane of most travelers, but I love hyper-active 4 year olds on a train. They don't stop moving and running around until someone slips them an Attivan. I love how if you make eye contact with them when they're speeding down the aisle, they freeze, stand bolt straight, and stare at you for over a minute with these wide eyes that seem to say "I am so freaking hyper I'm not sure what I'm doing. Are you Santa Claus?"

The Via Rail people are super friendly. I've watched them grow like inflatable balloons at a Macy's parade over the years because of their sedentary jobs. I guess it's an occupational hazard. When the only healthy menu item is the ham and bacon Ciabatta sandwich, you don't have much control over your dietary intake.

Anyway, my stop is coming, and I'm more tired than the only hooker at a Vegas wedding. I have my monthly doctor appointment tomorrow, so wish me well.



Monday, March 16, 2009

Pimp my Recession!!

Just returned from Boston and the Lovely Miss Claire and I couldn't help but notice the conspicuous absence of all things John Adams. Boston's most famous son is strangely missing from statuary, tours and the local lingo. He was the second President for the love of God! Perhaps he was right when he noted that the mythical interpretation of the founding would forever be ingrained in the public consciousness. As Adams himself once lamented it was as though"...Franklin waved his electric wand and up popped Washington and Jefferson ".

Regardless, I love the city and have been there enough to start noticing little quirks. Boston baked beans are as disgusting as baked beans found in any French Canadian town. No matter how much local pride you have it's not right to put baked beans on nachos. It's a culinary abomination.
Some of the locals near Salem noticed my French Canadian accent and tried to burn me. I reminded them that burning the French is a good start but if they need to have a few frogs around, at least I'm a conservative frog. You never know when you will need a Frenchman.

So what's all this talk about a recession? CNN would have you believe that we are in the middle of an economic apocalypse, and President Obama seems to be enjoying the luxury of changing his mind on a daily basis now that he successfully passed his monstrous 750 billion "stimulus" bill, which in actuality has very little stimulus but lots of juicy pork barrel items straight out of the progressive wish list. Is everyone in a panic? Are jobs being lost by the bucket load and homes going into foreclosure every minute? Maybe, but the reality on the ground seems to be a little cloudier. In our newest feature "pimp my recession", I've asked readers from across the U.S. to tell us what they've been seeing. First at bat is a longtime reader we'll call "Miss D". Here's her take;

"Well, here I am in Salt Lake City and I can honestly, nobody that I see living in tents. And not just in Salt Lake. On the outskirts where I'm working like Sandy, Layton, Murray. There's also not a lot of doom and gloom on the local t.v. channels either as far as jobs being lost or showing people who are having to move out of their homes because they can't make their payments. Now, that MAY be going on............I just haven't seen it myself or heard it reported nor have I had anyone talking about it where I've been.

Even in Houston the economy and real estate is a whole lot better than other states and cities. Sure, we have some people who have lost their jobs and the real estate market is down..........but you'd be hard pressed to believe it just judging by the number of packed restaurants on any given night, or the numbers of people at the museums and the theatres, concert halls and the stores. I do know some people who have lost their jobs because the plants have closed down, but they're not sitting around whining and moaning and waiting for President Gander to get them a job."

Thanks Miss D. Have a good week, and in case you're wondering, that picture up there is of me and the lovely Miss Claire at the Boston Aquarium. Notice my classic "here we go again" eye roll? Just goes to show that there's nothing sweet about me.



Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Blogging By Numbers in Tent City!!

I have writer's block...again. It's a seasonal thing, I believe, with no accurate causation I can trace with any reliability. Maybe it's because my only source for news over the past few days was CNN, which has been proven by scientists to drastically reduce brain function.
I'm leaving for Boston in less than 24 hours, so I thought should throw something up before I go to quench the insatiable thirst of all the good folks who take the time out of their cyber day to visit this blog. I love Boston. It's an absolutely magical city where the past has a palpable presence. The Museum of Fine Art, Paul Revere's house, The Fairmont Copley Plaza...great spots. The only drawback would be the astronomical cost of living and the Draconian state taxes. I hear Ted Kennedy stops by each house before 9am and shakes everyone upside-down by the pant legs to snatch up loose change.

Speaking of shaking it up, it's blogging by numbers time!!

1 - Fellow canuck David Frum seems to have gone off the reservation, causing his former colleagues at NRO to launch some blistering attacks at him. Over on National Review's The Corner, Andy McCarthy had this to say about Frum's recent criticism of Rush Limbaugh;

"Well, well, well, David has arrived! From nowhere to Newsweek in a nanosecond, and now, the pièce de résistance: swapping yarns with Chris Matthews about Rush Limbaugh's "race problem." (Kerry Picket has the blow-by-blow, here.)

The ring-master cracked his whip, the sea lion flopped around with the race-ball on his nose, and everyone oohed and ahhed..... Then Matthews decreed, "Well, you know what I said when I came out here, David. You have changed your life with this article. You will be the man that shot Liberty Valance. You will be the guy that took on Rush Limbaugh." Congratulations. He must be very proud.

Ouch. Is all this outrage warranted? Frum has always been a somewhat left of center Giuliani conservative, and it's not surprising that he would say something outside of the accepted vernacular. I strongly disagree with lots of things David has said as of late, but the venomous response from McCarthy sounds like the stuff of a long standing grudge.

2 - My buddy Jonah Goldberg over at NRO has been robbed by that dim-witted liberal for hire, Bill Maher. In 2001, Goldberg coined the phrase "spending money like a pimp with a week to live" . As of late, Maher has been passing off the quip as his own. As Jonah later commented; "'s not like every phrase I've ever uttered originated with me either — but pointing out Maher's unoriginality is modestly enjoyable."

3 - "Tent cities" are not, as CNN would have you believe, the result of economic woes suffered by the newly homeless lower middle class. Tent cities have, and will continue to be, the habitat of choice among hobos and vagrants in any fiscal climate. CNN is disingenuous to assert that these are the last refuge of ordinary people driven to extraordinary measures.

4 - I will not be live blogging from Boston, so I'm not even going to try to give the impression that there's a slim chance that it might happen.

5 - Tent city must really smell.

6 - Have a great weekend and let the sounds of Stewie Griffin take you coasting into Friday.