The Straight Hype

I've often said that the Washington Post bares the brunt of the blame for the sub-standard level of journalism we see today in the form of cable news networks. Were it not for the relentless and vengeful glory-seeking attack on President Nixon by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein - the douchebags that launched a thousand careers - perhaps the news would contain more reporting and less smug editorializing by the likes of Rick Sanchez and Solodad O'Brien. Sanchez's endless self-aggrandizing - like using twitter and Myspace to generate publicity for his frequent appearances on CNN - would almost be comic, were he not spinning in a constant state of self-rightousness. You would think that someone who not only hit and killed a pedestrian while driving intoxicated, but also fled the scene of the accident, would have some semblance of humility. You would be wrong.

In an industry that loves to shout "HYPOCRISY" at any conservative politician who so much as jaywalks, it was almost surreal to watch Sanchez endlessly replay footage of the day he chased down a Georgia State Legislator who refused to overturn a 2006 prohibition that would have reduced the prison sentence of Genarlow Wilson. The legislator - who worried that changes to the law could possibly allow convicted sex offenders back on the streets - was relentlessly badgered by a sanctimonious Sanchez, whose usual tunnel vision blinded him from appreciating the difficult situation the man was in. Maybe someone should have played the tape from the mid-eighties that forced Sanchez to resign from his job as a Miami TV anchor when he was unexpectedly caught accepting favours from a corrupt political operative during a police sting.

I'm picking on Rick because he is perhaps the best example of how low the bar has dropped since the age of "Gotcha!" journalism erupted. In the post-Watergate cable news world, he proves that as long you are in constant attack mode, your own credibility - or past criminal conduct for that matter - is of trifling importance. Stranger still is that Sanchez lacks even the respect of his own peers. After a recent "tweet" claiming he could easily get a job at Fox News as a Latino "sellout", the industry erupted in a cacophony of laughter, and prompted a Fox News' spokesman to wryly reply "Everyone knows that Rick is a joke, he shows that he's a hack everyday. And he doesn't have to worry about working at FOX because we only hire talent who have the ability to generate ratings."

Perhaps Ace Smith and James Bowman were right to lament about how our society has abandoned the quaint notion of shame.

But what about the OJ Effect? I'm not talking about the popular urban usage of the term, which implies money buys justice. I'm talking about the birth of modern media-created spectacles that turn virtually unknown and unexceptional people into overnight celebrities. What brought this to mind was Jeffrey Toobin's rather odd "brief" that appeared in the New Yorker magazine critiquing the Stupak amendment. Not only did the article skirt the boundries of outright plagiarism, it was plagiarized from a 1989 Supreme Court briefing, whose contents were later proven to be entirely fraudulent. It appears that Toobin has been a "legal analyst" for so long he's forgotten he's an actual lawyer.

Shortly after former Heisman trophy winner OJ Simpson was arrested for the double murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, murder became not just news, but entertainment, and CNN needed a ready slew of "legal experts" to keep up appearances. Suddenly an adjunct faculty member from Georgetown Law of no particular distinction named Greta Van Susteren became a household name; OJ's freeloading house guest, Kato Kaelin, is now a regular fixture in a variety of TV and radio shows, resulting from nothing more than hearing a bump in the alley below his window; A Los Angeles prosecuting attorney named Roger Cossack is now enjoying a cushy job as a Distinguished Visiting Professor at Pepperdine University School of Law, as well a good paying gig at ESPN. As for Toobin, he has the distinction of being the "First TV Legal Analyst" at ABC - all a direct result of being plucked from virtual obscurity to provide commentary during the OJ trial (as a matter of fairness, I must admit I've always had a grudging fondness for Cossack).

There seem to be more self-professed analysts making the daily rounds of cable news stations than there are actual journalists. One hour of watching CNN produced commentary by a "Gaming Analyst", a "Fashion Analyst", and even a "self esteem expert", whatever the hell that is. There was a time when the only kind of analyst who had any business being anywhere near an anchor desk was a "Financial Analyst" or a "Political Analyst", and even the latter have been wearing out their welcome as of late.

Could anyone have envisioned a world, even years after Ted Turner cut the ribbon on CNN in 1980, where people would tune in every night to watch disgraced former prosecuter Nancy Grace speculating on the contents of bottles seen in grainy pictures of the inside Anna Nicole Smith's fridge?

The "news as entertainment" shtick is an old hobbyhorse of writers who fancy themselves a cut above the pack for making such a painfully obvious observation. What I'm really driving at is why a news anchor like Rick Sanchez sometimes doubles as a financial commentator on CNN's "Your Money". Why does Jeff Toobin sit in every election night as a political commentator, when he can't even avoid being duped by a dubious Supreme Court briefing? Everyday we watch the village idiots act like interchangable polymath titans playing a bizarre game of musical chairs.

As I write this, Rick Sanchez is reminding us that using words is much better than settling disagreements with bats and clubs (I had no idea), after quite deliberately refering to a band of thugs who are on rampage in Mumbai as "conservatives" because they are "anti-Muslim". He's making sure to repeat the dishonest conservative angle, and has it blazed across the screen, just in case someone's not listening. Really Rick, how do you know they aren't liberals? Did you interview any of the looters to find out if they thought free markets, limited goverment, personal responsibility, and fiscal restraint was the answer to India's third world conditions?

My wife, a graduate of a grueling 2 year massage therapy course, said that when we hear that an elderly person fell and broke their hip, it didn't really happen that way - their hip broke first, causing the fall. Her comment reminded me of a buffoonish Rick Sanchez, clumsily trotting about in a post-Watergate post-OJ news world. Sanchez's daily rantings and Toobin's half-baked legal ramblings aren't what caused the media to break, it was broken long before they got there.

Cordially

Joe

Hey there readers! I have a new article on Jeff Toobin's bizarre little piece of plagiarism that recently appeared in the New Yorker and the ever declining standards of journalism that keep the likes of Toobin and Rick Sanchez around.

We should have it up later tonight or by the morning. In the meantime, here is a special guest editorial by our former financial editor Ace Smith. Enjoy!


Zeke's Eye and Obamacare

A guest editorial by Ace Smith

Zeke, my six year old Beagle/Retard mix, punctured his right eye last Monday chasing a bunny through some thorny brush, which prompted a trip to the closest animal hospital with a 24-hour emergency room. As I sat in the waiting room with the furry moron, it occurred to me that I was smack dab in the middle of a pure market-driven, fee-for-service medical operation, albeit for veterinary care. It was a bonafide working model of a system that is far more efficient and desirable than anything His Holiness The ObaMessiah was pitching on his ABC infomercial in typical snake oil salesman fashion.

Granted, I wasn’t overjoyed about shelling out $166 for an emergency exam and some eye salve, but Zeke did receive prompt and professional care from a skilled and courteous vet staff. Had I purchased pet health insurance for him previously, it might have been preferable to my own coverage. Unlike me, Zeke is unemployable; he does not have opposable thumbs, a brain larger than a kiwi, or the ability to speak. Consequently, his range of insurance options is defined by the marketplace, not by his employer, and is mostly free of onerous regulations. His insurance would not be subject to artificial inflationary pressures from state-bound coverage mandates or bureaucratic meddling with reimbursement and rationing. Lucky, care-free little bastard. I haven’t decided if I’m actually going to buy him some insurance in case his next bunny hunt goes horribly awry. If he gets hit by a cement truck in the process, I can always have him euthanized.

My trip to the animal ER also reminded me of a story about a former boss of mine (a committed liberal of the 60’s hippie variety) who once paid $10,000 for a series of surgeries to save a stray cat that died a few months afterward. He was also a huge proponent of single-payer universal health care. I don’t think the rationale behind these threads are unrelated, as they offer a glimpse into the pervasive empathetic reasoning that has obscured rational assessments of socialized medicine’s true cost. The mainstream news media and Hollywood have worked diligently the past two decades to push hard for the universal care agenda by playing the empathy card to a society that seems increasingly swayed by feelings and imagery over substance and reasoned argument. By exploiting exaggerated medical horror stories in a two-pronged approach, they have consistently demonized HMOs, the insurance industry and greedy doctors, and lauded the supposed greatness of socialized medicine in other counties while conveniently ignoring the substantial drawbacks. The true source of America's healthcare problem, government, is never labeled as such; rather, government is invariably celebrated as a benevolent provider to the ever-ailing masses.

Ultimately, the inflation and inefficiencies that plague the US medical system stem from market distortions caused by Ponzi-esque government programs and burdensome regulations that pervert the price mechanisms necessary for a viable and free health care marketplace. In spite of this rather obvious fact, here we are, 15 years after the death of HillaryCare, on the cusp of adopting myriad radical changes at the federal level which would distance us even further from a free market solution, with guaranteed disastrous fiscal and medical consequences. I can't say I'm entirely surprised. This is, after all, just the sort of “change” His Holiness promised to deliver. Sadly, we've drifted far from the days when less bombastic presidents could speak openly about affirming the limits of federal power without being considered a cruel heretic. It was Silent Cal who once said, “Government should not assume for the people the inevitable burdens of existence.” Now that's the sort of “change” I can believe in. Yes, I can!

Ace Smith

I have never rejected a comment submitted for posting on the blog until today. A reader, identifying himself as "John", emailed a comment on a recent piece of mine entitled "Heydrich's Ghost". He lamented about; "...why we're to feel sorry for the Jews" and repeated the tired old canard about how those; "...not glorifying the Jews are considered anti-Semitic".

We are not opposed to debate at the Hype. On a message board hosted by Prospero forums, the article received over 130 comments. There are legitimate arguments to made about settlements, boundaries, and historical claims on the region, but I will never let this blog become a forum for bigotry - no matter how cleverly disguised it is.

Every day we are bombarded with anti-Catholicism, anti-Semitism, and the ranting of lunatics who think 9/11 was a Jewish/American neo-con conspiracy. We have made it very clear in the past that we won't post comments sympathetic to those views - anything else is game, and will appear unedited within 12 to 24 hours.

So have at it. Write in! Have your say! Leave a thoughtful comment, or a semi-coherent alcohol induced diatribe about the merits of socialism and eating 8 small meals a day! If the fancy strikes you, go ahead and write a long and insulting post about how I'm a right-wing whack job who murders homeless people, drowns kittens, and volunteers as the guy who pushes the buttons on lethal injection machines on the weekends. We even encourage naked pillow fights, cage matches and also dueling when warranted.

Have a great week everyone!

Cordially

Joe

The Hype has picked up lots of action this week - kind of like Barney Frank on 2 for 1 Tuesdays at Mort's House of Flapjacks, or Eliot Spitzer on coupon day at Miss Kitty's House of Leather (read whatever you like into either of those jabs). The blog has received close to 100 hits in less that 48 hours, and the counter continues to click away, like that nifty statistics keeper that continually updates the world's population. We are at a loss to explain just what to attribute this phenomenon to, but I am extremely grateful for all of you who take the time out your day to check out my punch-drunk ramblings. For our newer readers, note that I view blogging as the most convenient format to transmit information, and treat it more as a website than a Facebook-like profile page. I try to post once or twice a week, but if good taste and proper sleeping habits are your thing, you may want to shop elsewhere. I am grateful to everyone of you for making The Straight Hype what it is today. Thank you!!

In other news, today was my lucky day! I just got an email from Mr. Amala Kumbadi, President of the First National bank of Sierra Leone, and he's chosen ME of all people to help him release a rather large unclaimed inheritance. He just needs my social insurance number and some credit information. I'll be flashin' Benjamin's to the tune of $2.5 million once I wire $5000 American for the processing fees.

I really don't get it. Thousands of North Americans are victims of this kind of Internet fraud every year, and losses are estimated in the range of $150 million. Experts claim there are three main victim groups: The greedy, the sympathetic, and the vulnerable. They should add a fourth: The astoundingly stupid. What would cause anyone to think that an official from a corrupt country - without any real infrastructure, an average life expectancy of under 40, and no functioning government - would be in possession of that kind of money? I can understand people falling victim to certain phone scams, or a good hearted person being suckered via email into sending money for Little Sarah's operation on her deviated septum. I just can't grasp how people could believe that someone claiming to be an official from a country where 12 year old's wield machetes like nerf balls and elections are decided with M-16's could hold employment in an institution that requires a nominal amount of stability to operate.

Law enforcement officials are usually very charitable in their warnings, repeating non-offensive axioms about how "if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is." How about this instead: If you send a substantial amount of money to a stranger you've never heard of simply because you've received an email asking you to, you shouldn't be allowed to use sharp objects unsupervised. If you huddle over the ATM machine to hide your PIN number, but willingly send your SIN number to some guy in Nigeria, no number of FBI or RCMP warnings are going to protect you. You might as well burn the money in your savings account in a bonfire and roast S'mores over the blaze.

Anyway, consider that my PSA for the week. By the way, I recently have come in possession of some classified information that may be of the utmost interest to you. I usually would not contact you by this method, but the director of my bank has asked me to handle....

Cordially

Joe

I learned two things the hard way this Halloween: Parent's didn't appreciate my "naked french guy" costume, and dressing up as a dog does not give you licence to pee on the lawn and bark at your neighbors. Hey! It's blogging by numbers time!!!!

The expression on the faces of CNN's panel of "analysts" were similar to the look my dog gives me when I try to feed her a gummy bear. After suffering a crippling defeat in the first round of voting on the President's Health Care bill in late October, the Democrats were dealt yet another blow Tuesday night, as Republicans soundly won the Governorships of both New Jersey and Virginia. These were no small victories. In Virginia, Robert McDonnell became the first Republican in over a decade to win the state. In New Jersey, Chris Christie defeated Democrat John Corzine in a race that most pundits had written off as a lost cause.

Anyone remember the 2006 movie Idiocracy? No? Well, that's not entirely surprising. It was written and directed by Mike Judge (Office Space), and starred Luke Wilson (Vacancy). Despite the enormous success of Office Space and the popularity of Judge's King of the Hill, 20th Century Fox pro-actively killed the movie, releasing it in less than 150 theatres, without a single trailer or press kit. The motives behind Fox's decision to derail Judge's movie remains an issue of much contention, and most folks who've seen the movie can venture a few guesses as to why. The movie grossed less than $500,000 - barely a quarter of it's estimated 4 million dollar budget - but still managed to develop a rather sizable cult following.

Wow, Wednesday was a bad day to be Harry Reid. Well, just about any day is a bad day to be Harry Reid, when life is a constant struggle just to get people to take you seriously because you remind them of the guy from those old Peppridge Farm commercials - without the sittin' on a rocking chair in ma back porch country charm - but I suspect, especially this weekend, Reid isn't feeling that "Riunite on Ice- Ooooh that's nice" feeling.

Despite holding the balance of power in the Senate, Reid lost the first fight in a series of upcoming battles Wednesday, when 12 Democrats broke rank and aligned themselves with every single member of a strongly united Republican party, and voted down the so called "doctor fix" that would have added 247 billion dollars to the tag of President Obama's already astronomically priced health care bill.

What is significant about the loss is that it was a surprising illustration of just how legislatively shaky Obamacare is. As Yuval Levin wrote in NRO's The Corner last evening, Reid and the President are facing more than just an increasingly skeptical public:

"The problem for Reid is more than substantive — more than unhappy doctors and an unhappy AMA. The biggest problem is the danger of losing the confidence of his Democratic senators. Passing health-care reform remains an extremely difficult challenge: There are two Senate bills, with very significant substantive differences between them, which need to be combined, voted on, then merged with an even more different House bill, and voted on again. Each of these votes would require the support of just about every (if not indeed every single) Senate Democrat, and each would be a very tough vote for one or another group in their caucus. It is an exercise in serial needle-threading that will call for an extraordinary degree of discipline by the Senate Democrats — a group not known for discipline."

In the minutes of the Wannsee conference of Jan 20th, 1942, there is a reference to Reinhard Heydrich remarking how "...the Jews whisper in Roosevelt's ear." It's chilling to read, even within the context of a document that chronicles how in less than 90 minutes, the final solution was set in motion, leading to the Shoah, the extermination of close to 6 million Jews - 78% of Europe's Jewish population at the time.

Early in the transcripts, it becomes evident that Eichmann had carefully prepared coded language to shield the participants from any legal consequences should the document be discovered by allied forces as the war disintegrated. The facade didn't last for long, as Heydrich (who headed the meeting) appeared to lose his patience with Wilhelm Kritzinger of the Reich Chancellery, who is said to have become increasingly alarmed at what was being proposed (Eichmann later claimed that the word "extermination" was freely used as Heydrich grew tired of the euphemisms).

Heydrich's off the cuff remark was looming in the back of my mind in June when long time Obama mentor Reverend Jeremiah Wright lamented to the Daily Press that "Them Jews ain't going to let him talk to me" . Wright's hateful slur was widely reported in the press, but there were more troubling comments made during the interview that were seemingly ignored. He accused the President of making decisions based out of "...fear of offending Jews", and referred to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict as " Ethnic cleansing (by) the Zionist(s)".

Now, President Obama's long and close relationship with this man, and his reluctance to cut his ties with him, are matters we've discussed before - in fact, the list of Obama's closest friends and associates reads like a who's who of people not to leave your children alone with. We've gone there, and will probably go there again - just not today.

Wright's comments are expected, because he's a lunatic who spends most of his time stacking Saltines in complex domino patterns in his living room and setting fire to Tin Tin comics. He relished the thought of his anti-semitic comments being broadcast around the world, because no one really cares what he has to say anymore. Outside of the town where the Reverend lives - called "crazy" - Heydrich's ghost still haunts us.

You all know where this is going, so let's get one thing clear - I am not suggesting that American progressives, along with their cohorts in Pat Buchanan land, are plotting to round up Jews in trains and ship them off to concentration camps. But there is a sort of quasi anti-semitism creeping back into our society. It is dressed up as clever cocktail conversation or intellectual ponderings on the legitimacy of Israeli power. Sometimes it wears the mask of a supposedly even-handed and serious news item in the media; sometimes it comes in the form of academic bullying from left-wing elitists who think anyone who writes articles such as this one possess only a shallow understanding of the world they live in. At it's worst, it comes in the form of the annual "World Conference on Racism" where the world's most oppressive Islamic theocracies and thick-skulled Eurocrats get together to discuss just how awful America and their friends the Jews in Israel are.

"...the Jews whisper in Roosevelt's ear."

An observant friend of mine recently emailed to say that it's a "scary time to be Jewish" - and I believe her. Just 10 days before the world " discovered" that Iran had a long range nuclear missile capable of wiping Israel off the face of the world (the thing can go as far as Athens and back), President Obama dismantled the European missile defence network that was the only thing with any real teeth keeping Iran on a leash. The administration claims it was done as a "good faith" gesture towards the Russians - odd, considering that in international diplomacy, the country being offered the "good faith", so to speak, must have something to reciprocate. America and it's allies got nothing in return but a smirking Putin shutting down newspapers and hurling insults at the United States.

Israel bashing is anti-Americanism by proxy. So fervent and irrational is the of hatred of the United States that any of its foreign interests and allies are immediately treated with intense suspicion - but how did we get this far? How can Western liberals continue to turn a blind eye to the atrocities that have been heaped upon Israel for just short of half a century? As Victor David Hanson noted in his brilliant article published earlier this year;

"First the terrorists of the Middle East went after the Israelis. From 1967 we witnessed 40 years of bombers, child murdering, airline hijacking, suicide murdering, and gratuitous shooting. We in the West usually cried crocodile tears, and then came up with all sorts of reasons to allow such Middle Eastern killers a pass.....When the U.N. and the EU talked about “refugee camps,” none asked why for a half-century the Arab world could not build decent housing for its victimized brethren, or why 1 million Arabs voted in Israel, but not one freely in any Arab country. "

We in the west are indeed to blame for turning our heads the other way for so long, but post 9/11, you would think that many of us would have awoken from our ambivalence.

Liberal intellectuals continue to slander Israel, and their irrational rantings are all the more vehement because of Israel's relationship with the United States. Recently, Brandeis University made the astonishing decision to bestow an honorary doctorate to the self professed "secular Jewish left-wing" playwright Tony Kushner, who once said in an interview that;

"...the biggest supporters of Israel are the most repulsive members of the Jewish community and Israel itself has got this disgraceful record…Israel is a creation of the U.S., bought and paid for…There are lots of beautiful little orange groves and olive groves which the Palestinians had before the Jews were there"

"Bought and paid for"? ...really, Mr. Kushner?

Other leftist Israeli detractors seem to be fueled by disturbing comments made by public figures such as Kushner and Noam Chomsky, simply because they are Jewish (in name only), giving them license to take their rhetoric a step too far, such as Reverend Wright did.

The UN is also ready to lob its hostility towards Israel at every opportunity. On Wednesday, President Obama addressed the National Assembly proclaiming that “America does not accept the legitimacy of continued Israeli settlements.”, a sentiment that was greeted with a chorus of raucous cheers and applause.

The Western media saturates the airwaves with gruesome images each and every time Israel is forced to defend itself, portraying their actions as heavy handed and negligent. However, little is heard of the almost daily attacks on innocent Israeli and Palestinian citizens at the hands of Hamas and other extremist groups in the region. Since the year 2000, 1176 people have been killed by Palestinian terrorists. This number includes 18 Israelis who were targeted while abroad, and 3 American service personnel working to help the people of Gaza. The number of wounded at the hands of militant Palestinians tops the scale at an astounding 8300, for a total of close to 10,000 wounded and killed in just 8 short years.

Nor is any attention given to the horrific cartoons that are aired on a daily basis to indoctrinate innocent young Palestinian children into a culture of anti-Semitism, hate, and violence. Even when confronted with this disturbing footage from a popular children's show, CNN made the bizarre decision to defend the video, a sickening propaganda piece that could have come straight out of Hitler's Germany. I was shocked.

Another curious trend I noticed while researching this article was the countless number of sites purporting to be tourist information for people visiting the Nazi death camps, and others claiming to be educational in nature. The sites would, more often than not, turn out to be holocaust denial propaganda.

Indeed, Heydrich's ghost still haunts us. He haunts us in the writings and speeches made by left-wing intellectuals who defend Hamas and their ilk; He haunts us in the world's apathy to the unapologetic bile broadcast each day on Palestinian tv; And most disturbingly, he haunts us through those in the media who make apologies for terrorists that promote genocide and declare that Israel must drip with the blood of every last Jewish child until it is wiped from the face of the earth.

As my Jewish friend remarked, it is indeed a scary time to be a Jew. In a world filled with ambivalence and apologists, anti-Semites masquerading as intellectuals, and major news organizations who try and convince us that a children's TV show that depicts a popular Palestinian children's character being stabbed to death by an Israeli Government official is just "misunderstood", my Jewish friend undoubtedly has much to fear.

Golda Mier once famously remarked; "We can forgive the Arabs for killing our children. We cannot forgive them for forcing us to kill their children. We will only have peace with the Arabs when they love their children more than they hate us."

I wonder if Eichmann would have felt the need to so carefully code his language in 2009 as he did in 1942.

Cordially

Joe

It's the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend, where we give thanks for being obscenely taxed for sub-standard health care, being dragged before "human rights" tribunals for writing books or letters to the editor, being dragged to the polls every other year because the Liberal party can't accept the fact that it's not 1974 anymore, and of course, those little bottles of maple syrup at the airport.

Thanks to all for being so patient over the last few weeks. As most of you know, the lovely miss Claire and I were married on the 18th, and I have entered into that inextricable bond that John Adams referred to as the "Tyranny of the Petticoat". My editor has become my wife, which is a little like Godzilla finding out that Mothra is his new landlord - the only difference being that we are not radio-active mutants. Well, at least I'm not.

We will be back up and running soon! As you can see, there have been a few life changes that have kept me busy recently!

Cordially

Joe

I used to believe that infamy was its own reward, that the grandiose madmen of our society enjoy a certain level of macabre immortality by committing acts so brazen that their names are forever burned into our subconscious. The Jack Ruby's and John Hinckley Jr's of our world will never be forgotten, their deeds will remain ingrained in the national psyche for generations to come.

There's a crazy homeless guy who panhandles near my home. I know it's rather impolitic to refer to him as such, but anyone who mutters incessantly about knives and Donna Summer has pretty much paid his dues to the nutter-butter country club. He's harmless enough, and Claire and I give him food, and occasionally money if we are in a position to do so (liberals talk about helping people, conservatives actually help them). That's not the point, though. This guy, we'll call him Charlie, has an uncanny ability to predict the weather. It's probably an intuition that homeless people develop from being at the mercy of the elements on a daily basis. It could be a beautiful balmy day, but if Charlie says "rain is a-comin'" you can be sure that rain is about to "a-come". He's like the Weather Network, if the Weather Network lived under a bridge and smelled like old Doritos and rotting fish. Thing is, I trust this rambling, possibly schizophrenic homeless fellow to convey more accurate information to me than CNN and MSNBC combined.

Nicolas Sarkozy wants the French to work on Sunday. I probably lost you between "French" and "work", but if you can compose yourself for a moment and stay with me, the ambitious young playboy President wants the smell of over-priced wine and fromage wafting through the air and mimes in striped shirts and berets to punch in for a normal work day on Sunday at their employer's discretion. Perhaps if the French could be made to work during the normal work week this little dust-up wouldn't have started in the first place.

Good afternoon loyal Hypesters! I get lots of interesting emails from readers every day. Some are from gracious fans sending kind words of encouragement - some are from less enthusiastic readers telling me to stick things in places where things shouldn't be stuck. Lots of people new to the blogosphere write in to ask for advice on the craft, and how to get started. I also get lots of emails from people purporting to be from The Bank of (insert third world country here), asking me to send a few grand so they can collect their inheritance and in turn richly reward me for my trouble.

Oops. I know I'm rather late. Not late as in honey we need to talk and go to the pharmacy - don't have the anatomy for that - but late in delivering a fresh blog. I strive to post a new blog twice a week, but I also strive to exercise, eat healthier, and lose 25 pounds before the wedding - which is approaching faster than Al Gore's enviro-apocalypse (sorry honey, poor choice of analogies).

Anyway, excuses are for late husbands and Robert Gibbs' press conferences, so let's get right to the heart of things - It's blogging by numbers time!

1 - It seems my associate editor, the lovely Miss Claire, has been gripped by a passion for cyber farming. It appears to be a wide-spread phenomenon amongst Facebook users, in the form of a game called "Farm Town", and something I believe is called "Farmville". Fans of these cyber crop-keeping games say it's addictive, like some kind of rural "World of Warcraft" with corn and sheep. I have a theory that this game has become so popular because deep down, people have a weird longing for a return to the time of Jeffersonian-style agrarianism. I have always been wary of Jefferson worship. Anyone that enamoured with the French should automatically be treated as suspect.

2 - Many readers, mostly those who remember when TSH was The Rant, a website, long before there were such things as blogs, Myspace, Twittering, and Facebook, have asked me to be a little more aggressive, to "take off the white gloves", as the fascists were fond of saying. Aside from the fact that fascism is the expertise of the left, and white gloves are the stuff of cartoon mice and decomposing pop stars, 1997 was a very different time than 2009. President Clinton's tenure in office was a daily train wreck, the first lady was already playing the role of Junior Senator from New York, and both of their volatile tempers made them easy targets to lampoon. Not very many alternatives to CNN and CBC existed back then, so I felt an obligation to cover stories that were being distorted or blatantly ignored by the media. The site became an instant hit, and was ranked among the top 5 conservative sites on the Internet by the end of 1999 - the fact that I was a Canadian made it all the more exotic, and we picked up an enormous American following.

In the late 90's, when people still thought Hootie and the Blowfish were cool, and god awful sitcoms like Home Improvement were on their way out, I inherited the nickname "Piranha Joe". Anyone who wrote into the site with a left-leaning opinion would be mocked, spit on, set on fire, and have their ashes pissed on. I don't want to be that guy anymore. We are still unapologetically conservative, hard hitting, and relentless. We stick to attacking policy and corruption in the Obama administration, and try and steer clear of personal insults. Don't try to push me too hard though - Piranha Joe is not gone, he's just on a leash, which still has it's fair share of slack.

3 - It seems I've upset a lot of apple carts as of late. I was puzzled as to why so many people were suddenly writing indignant emails that contained little substance and lots of nasty insults. Stranger still were the passive aggressive messages, comments, and innuendo sent to me via Facebook. My two-part gay marriage piece was a fairly benign and respectful exploration into the constitutional mess that such things can create, and I avoided making any jokes about black leather chaps and handle bar moustaches. Everyone seemed fine with it. Then came the Body of Lies piece, and it was like dropping a match into a dry powder keg. I have attacked the President before, and much more ferociously than in the previous post, so "why so serious"?

A few readers from both sides of the political spectrum ventured the following guess: I didn't call President Obama names like bam-bam or "the ObaMessiah"; I steered clear of the whole birth certificate nonsense; And I stuck to policy and facts, using the administration's own words against them and invoking obscure pieces of legislation. The left are masters at taking unwarranted cheap shots at us when we hold protests like the now famous Tea Parties, but when a Canadian conservative starts delving into things like the Waxman/Markey "Cap and Trade" bill, or the Five Days of Sunlight pledge, they don't have the stomach to come out of the shallow end of the pool, because they would have to do too much googling to get even a peripheral understanding of such things. Keep sending me petty insults - I'm loving it.

4 - There was much speculation as to why it took over a decade for Bernhard Schlink's inflammatory novel "The Reader" to be adapted into a screenplay. I have my own suspicions, and long time readers of this site can probably venture a fairly accurate guess. The Reader purports to be an insightful and intelligent look into the generational gap between Germans who participated - both actively and passively - in the atrocities of Nazi Germany, and the blameless generations that followed. I have no problems with subject matter that explores this moral and emotional combustion that has haunted Germany for over half a century. In the case of David Hare and Stephen Daldry's screen adaptation, it is mere window dressing for this morally bankrupt and disgusting movie. Here is what Messieurs Hare and Daldry expect us to swallow:

Hanna (Kate Winslet), a 32 year old trolley ticket attendant, seduces a 15 year old boy named Michael (David Kross), having him read to her each night during the course of their lengthy "affair" (we call it molestation outside of Hollywood). The first 45 minutes of the film is nothing short of soft porn with lots of full frontal nudity. Hanna leaves Michael's life after a promotion of sorts, only to re-appear later as a lady on trial, as Micheal - now a German law student - watches on as part of a class project. Hanna is actually Hanna Schmitz, an unrepentant SS guard who not only selected the weekly list of who was to die in the gas chambers of Auschwitz, but also allowed 30 Jewish women to burn alive in a church during an evacuation of the death camp in the midst of an air raid. A regular peach of a gal, this Hanna! But wait, here's the kicker - The movie expects us to sympathize with poor little Hanna because she's illiterate!! You see, that's why he read to her all those years ago! Aren't those liberal artsy types clever! The movie even has the gall to make her inquisitors seem insensitive for being so hard on Hanna. Hey, she may have been responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocent Jews, but give her a break, the poor thing can't even read! A movie that asks us to stretch our sympathies to such a level might at least try to redeem itself at the end, but sadly it does not. When Hanna is asked by a grown Michael (Ray Fiennes) whether she feels any remorse for the atrocities she committed, she responds "...it doesn't matter what I feel, the dead are still dead." Indeed. Isn't that just the tops. This movie is offensive trash masquerading as deep intellectual fodder. Don't even bother renting this garbage.

5 - On a brighter note, Michael Mann's latest epic, Public Enemies, is a beautifully shot and wonderfully acted period piece that is pleasing to the eye, though lacking any sort of moral backdrop. Johnny Depp is pitch perfect as the roguish and charming John Dillinger, a man whose free wheeling days of bank robbing, immaculate suits, fast cars, and beautiful woman are quickly coming to an end. As Hoover's nascent "Federal Bureau" begins to erase the protections of state boundaries, Depp masterfully portrays all the nuances of a man trying to keep his bravado as the mob, his associates, and his safe houses begin to erode around him. Christian Bale is less impressive as South Carolina lawman Melvin Purvis, seemingly sleep-walking through the role and losing his accent a third of the way through the film. It's a fun evening at the movies, and worth seeing for the breathtaking cinematography and remarkable wardrobe and costume design alone.

6 - Have a good week, and enjoy a little "Be Good Tanyas" as you struggle through hump day.

Cordially

Joe

Remember the DTV Delay Act? No? It's not man-code for that stunt your husband pulls to avoid taking out the garbage or fixing the flickering light bulb that gives your basement that "insane asylum chic" look. The DTV Delay Act allowed for an extension to those who had not yet switched over to the soon to be mandatory digital converter box. This may surprise you, but this specific piece of legislation falls under the category of an emergency in Obamaland.

The poster advertisement at the bus terminal shows a picture of a guy who looks as though he accidentally walked in on his roommate's hot girlfriend taking a shower, and has sprawled out on a plush comfortable couch, hands laced behind his head, just reliving the moment. The caption reads "Get Ready For Comfort". Poster guy has a laptop, an I-Pod, a stack of books, and what appears to be a rather large man-purse ready at his side. Must be nice.

Presently, I'm not feeling so much like poster dude. I feel like I'm sitting on Robert Byrd's skeleton, and there's about 6 inches of space seperating my neck from the broken cup holder precariously holding my scorching cup of coffee, which I am fairly certain will soon be gracing my twig and berries with 2nd degree burns.

"Get Ready For Comfort". I think "Get Ready For The Chiropractor" would be a slightly more honest assessment of what to expect after buying a ticket to ride the iron maiden on wheels.

I find myself in the present situation because I forgot an appointment 3 hours out of town that I had scheduled for today. Necessity and expedience has made quicker and more convenient forms of transportation inaccessible at present. These types of things happen to me quite frequently. Though the lovely Miss Claire continues to buy me beautiful leather bound day planners from Barnes and Noble every year, I persist in keeping track of all important engagements on miscellaneous scraps of paper that I randomly stuff in my wallet. You would think that a guy on is his way up the conservative-libertoid blogosphere ladder would have his s%$t together. You would be wrong.

We just passed a car with a New York license plate adorned with "Obama/Biden '08" and "War is not the Answer" bumper stickers. I quickly wrote "Obama is a wiener" on a scrap of paper to flash at them as we drove by, but thought better of it in honor of my credo that good manners are the glue that hold society together. The lady two rows in front of me appears to hold manners and decorum in much lower esteem than I do, as she seems quite fine with the fact that her 12 year old is wearing a crisp white t-shirt with the word F#$CK emblazoned in large black letters on the front. What's odd is that he appears to otherwise be a well mannered and immaculately groomed young man. He even held the door open for me to the coffee shop during our last stop. Not a trace of angst to be found for a kid making such a bold statement with his t-shirt. Maybe he's playing, as James Bowman might say, "a little pomo joke on us all".

I'll spare you the details of what I will only refer to as "the incident" that just happened in the tin box that is posing as a bathroom at the back of the bus. Push the bubble on a Trouble game board and watch the dice jump violently about inside the confined area. That would sum up the PG part of what just happened to me in the charming little rolling wash closet.

I just had to change buses. I wasn't aware that this particular form of travel had stop overs. My hopes were briefly buoyed when I noticed this appeared to be a shiny new vehicle; Maybe it would be filled with those big comfy seats with all kinds of room for laptops and I-Pods and leg stretching. Nope. It is indeed brand new, but the only modification appears to be an illustration on the near eye level cup holder warning that if the person if front of you suddenly decides to rapidly recline his seat, the coffee in your cup holder may cause a painful crotch incident.

In perspective, there are far worse things in this world than having to take a brief but uncomfortable bus ride - like making the mistake of reading a Maureen Dowd column with the false hope that the mean little shrew will put down her bile-filled pen and start being witty again...or listening to Vice President Biden trying to explain complex government policy by using arbitrary percentages to determine how successful they might be...or maybe even choosing to read an up and coming conservative blogger only to suffer through a long, rambling diatribe about his transportation prejudices.

Seriously though, I can't feel my ass anymore.

Cordially

Joe

I discovered a strange paradox that exists within a certain segment of our society after writing the first half of my gay marriage article. Many non-conformists (mainly but not exclusively on the left) frequently eschew the entire concept of marriage, proclaiming "We don't need a stupid piece of paper to prove that we love each other". Odd, seeing that these very same people - who scoff at tradition and so called "conformity" - are now doing much tub-thumping about how this very same "piece of paper" now carries such importance that it has become the centrifuge of what the left sees as the holy grail of it's social agenda - Gay marriage.

The following post appeared on this blog one year ago. Hope this scrap of meat will satiate the masses as I wade through a rather busy week.

Wow. Our inbox and google rankings are showing this blog is on fire. Not like some kind of auto-da-fe, but more like what the folks at spark.com or Quagmire are fond of saying - we are causing an "Internet burning-like sensation". Thank you to everyone for making this happen. You guys are the life blood of this organ. Thank you for thrusting the The Hype into the spotlight.

1 - I have been plagued by some rather odd dreams lately, the most interesting involving Anderson Cooper going on a crazed rant about how he hated Ann Coulter. In the dream, I jumped on my rather large 5 speed bike and raced to the resort where he was staying to confront him and ask why he just doesn't just drop his absurd pretence of objectivity, but before I could get there, I got stopped by the police because the basket on the front of my bike was bigger than EU regulatory standards. Damn Euro-dweeb bureaucrats, they're even regulating the unconscious.

2 - Some interesting statistics from John C Goodman came out recently on how America's health care system holds up against the rest of the world.

Cordially

Joe

While having coffee with two very bright and thoughtful young friends, one of them said something which could only be referred to as "whiplash-inducing". After briefly describing the bizarre plot line of the fun but incredibly hair-brained movie The International, he took a sip of his French roast and wondered aloud how such a movie could have ever been made in Hollywood. What was disconcerting about this statement was that he wasn't being sarcastic. He was actually surprised that Hollywood was finally speaking truth to power - that such a film would not usually get the green light under the watchful eyes of the financial puppeteers who are part of a larger international network of duplicity and greed.

"A man may drink because he considers himself a failure, yet fail all the more completely because he drinks".

George Orwell

There will be no Straight Hype updates or blogs this weekend, as my family and friends are traveling to Moncton to celebrate my fifth year of Sobriety in AA. 5 years ago this Saturday, I checked myself into a detox facility after years of closet drinking and the rapid decline of my "functioning alcoholic" stage. I was no longer a functioning alcoholic - I was a drunken wreck, and I wasn't fooling anyone any more.

I find myself asking "why did I get better when so many others didn't" lately. Lots of people tried just as hard as me, went to as many meetings as me, and did all the right things that are supposed to keep you on the straight and narrow. I have (what you medical nerds refer to as) Type II Alcoholism. One the hardest to deal with and a disorder that has a very low recovery rate. I have seen many of my fellow members and friends end up in jails, hospitals, and even die from the disease in one form or another. Why did I get better, and why did they fail?

It's not about "will power" or "self control", but I won't bore you with the details, lest you drag me out into the street and beat me over the head with a bottle of Jaegermeister. I like to think that it's been my conservative values of self-reliance and personal responsibility that have kept me sober all these years, but I know it has nothing to do with my personal political proclivities.

Maybe God looked down and whispered "Joe, I need to keep you around". Maybe he needed me to annoy liberals and entertain my countless fans with fart jokes and split infinitives. Maybe it was all a path leading to the lovely Miss Claire. I don't know. I just know one day I had finally had enough, and I've never looked back.

Today I lead a charmed life. I'm getting married, I have a wonderful job, an uber cool studio pad, and a blog that's read around the world - From Montreal to Maine, from London to Los Angeles, and from Australia to Austin.

I wouldn't go back for all the beer in Boston - and believe me, they make wicked beer in Beantown.

Cordially

Joe

A - OK, when is all this ghoulish Jackson worship going to stop? I know it's impolitic to speak poorly of the dead, but as Jonah Goldberg so eloquently pointed out, we would have no history books if we didn't. The man served ALCOHOL TO 12 YEAR OLD BOYS, calling it "Jesus Juice" before taking these kids to his bedroom. The last wish of Farah Fawcett must have been for all the children of the world to be safe....I think she got her wish. RIP Farah.

B - Saw Gran Torino last night, and though there are so many things to love about this movie, it suffers from Eastwood's fatal flaw that has appeared in every movie he directed since Unforgiven - the Byron-esque tragic hero almost running towards his own damnation, or perhaps in this case, salvation. There are lots of open questions he doesn't seem interested in answering, but the themes about the death of the American male, the erosion of honor, and scenes of Clint paying homage to his old "Dirty Harry" days make it worth seeing the movie.

C - The response to part one of my article exploring the constitutional problems of gay marriage has been overwhelming, receiving close to 60 emails and private messages. Almost everyone was civil on both sides of the issue. Some people claim it boils down to whether you're of a religious temperament or not, which is a fair enough statement. Some people have made arguments about biology and natural law. Some made arguments that this is a "civil rights" issue - it is not, and we will talk about that in part two. Very few people stayed on track and addressed the constitutional issues I am attempting to tackle. Those who did made very scholarly arguments about how almost no State's population has approved gay marriage, instead having it imposed on them by activist courts which have no right making laws, only interpreting them. I'll finish up with this in my next post. Thank you to everyone who wrote in and participated in this discussion.

D - I wonder if that crazy Shamwow guy is going to step in to be the next Billy Mays. I doubt it.
Mays was the embodiment of the American Dream, and by all accounts a kind man whose products worked. The Shamwow guy is the embodiment of too many triple latte enemas and useless gadgetry.

E - Why am I lettering this blog? Is this Sesame Street?

F - The Straight Hype's favourite artist, Regina Spektor, has just released her latest album, "Far", where she explores her questions about faith and life. The production quality of the album and the accompanying videos are stunning, and the album retains Regina's quirky, ambiguous lyrics and hypnotic piano accompaniment. Buy this CD!!!!!

G - Cost of Obama's stimulus package - $700 billion. Cost of Tom Daschle's unreported taxes - $83,333. Seeing Sonia Sotomayor's ruling as an appeals court judge being reversed - priceless.

H - Check out Regina's latest video, and have a great week!

Cordially

Joe

Ever plan a wedding? You have your ideal vision formed - small, personal, informal reception and all that wonderful stuff. Hey! No worries! What's all the fuss people keep going on about? Then you hit the guest list. You want to invite 50 people, but what if Aunt Ulga ends up bringing her 3 children who you met 8 years ago at a funeral - and if you only invite aunt Ulga, won't Aunt Bernice and Uncle Bob be a tad miffed that you snubbed them? Then people start inviting themselves. "I'll be there!!" Really? I didn't remember inviting you to begin with, jackass. Then the responses start coming in, and people may or not be coming to the reception, or they're inviting extra tag alongs. That throws the catering into chaos. The point is, something that seems so simple snowballs out of control because of the great and universal law of unintended consequences. Such is the case with gay marriage.

My glue sniffing webmaster, the esteemed Mr. Paul Leger, has added more snappy gadgets to further enhance your conservative libertoid roller coaster experience on my blog. If you can tear your eyes away from this riveting piece of literary prowess, you'll notice that just above the links section there's a link to our new message board. It's quick and easy, like Barney Frank on a Saturday night at the Leather Thong bar, and you can rant and rave and wax philosophical on all things political, or even non-political if you wish. Maybe you really like ferrets, or you think vitamin enhanced drinks are a conspiracy by "big water". Whatever your particular interests are, feel free to log in and have at it - Just don't be a whack job, because I have full moderation control and intend to use it if you start going on about 9/11 Zionist conspiracies.

Remember the old episode of Seinfeld when Jerry suspects that his dentist may have converted to Judaism for the express purpose of being given licence to crack self-deprecating Jewish jokes? When asked by a friend if Jerry was insulted by his dental practitioner's shallow conversion, he wryly replies "I'm not offended as a Jew. I'm offended as a comedian." The same can be said of Ron Howard's latest cinematic outing Angels and Demons. My brother cautioned me about the movie's potentially problematic themes; After seeing the movie, I can confidently assert that I am not offended as a Catholic - I am offended as a devotee of cinema.

As more formidable pundits than I have previously noted (Ross Douthat and Thomas S. Hibbs), Angels and Demons is a far better cinematic experience than Ron Howard's previous screen adaptation of Dan Brown's more inflammatory novel, The Da Vinci Code. This caveat being offered, to say this is a better movie, is a far cry from conceding it is a good movie.

The "plot" (if such an incredible scenario can even be honored with that distinction) involves a conspiracy by an ancient secret society of scientists called the Illuminati bent on destroying the Vatican by smuggling an anti-matter bomb deep within the bowls of Vatican city while a contentious papal enclave is underway. Symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) is called on by the church to unravel a series of ancient clues, each bringing him closer to the Illuminati's secret meeting hall in the hopes of discovering the bomb before it turns Saint Peter's Square into a mini Hiroshima. Oh, did I mention there's also an assassin for hire thrown in for good measure who has somehow managed (without explanation) to kidnap the four top bishops in consideration to sit on the throne of Saint Peter who are being assassinated each hour at pre-assigned locations?

Howard takes several departures from the novel, the most notable being that most of the book's hostile diatribes against the church are toned down or omitted altogether, and the church is treated with refreshing reverence in the end. Of more interest to me was the decision to change the ethnicity of the assassin from a radical Islamicist to a suave European hitman. Apparently, the feelings of Catholics are less important than the tender sensibilities of fanatic Muslims.

The movie's fatal flaw, as is with both of Dan Brown's books featuring Robert Langdon, is Brown's infuriating hubris. He insists that though the books are set against fictional backdrops, the rest of his claims are historically accurate, and a gullible public seems to eager to believe him. However, as with The Da Vinci Code, even a cursory examination by a layman quickly turns Brown's dubious claims into ashes.

1 - Brown claims the Illuminati was formed by Galileo after his house arrest by the Vatican.

Fact - The Illuminati was not founded by Galileo, nor was it even founded in Italy. The society was formed almost 100 years after his death in Bavaria by Adam Weishaupt and was later disbanded by the Bavarian authorities in 1785.

2 - Brown's inspiration for the kidnapping and murder of the four Vatican officials by the Illuminati was an act of retaliation for an actual historical event called "The Purge", during which the church executed four prominent members of the group and discarded their bodies throughout Rome.

Fact - There is absolutely no historical record of this event ever happening. The imprisonment of Galileo was a political move to counter the ever-growing prominence of Lutheranism throughout Europe, and not a move to silence his heliocentric view of the universe. There were no persecutions of scientists after Galileo's imprisonment, and despite their disagreements, Galileo was admired and had an otherwise cordial relationship with Pope Urban VIII.

3 - The first clue that leads Langdon on his race through the streets of Rome is found in a secret book written by Galileo.

Fact - There is unanimous agreement among even the foremost experts on Galileo that no such book was ever written or ever existed.

Perhaps the most glaring of all the film's inaccuracies is the pivotal thematic element that drives it - the very clues Langdon races to discover that reveal the location of the next clue. Each statue or obelisk that Langdon finds shows a finger or arrow pointing the way towards the next clue. In reality, all of the signs are pointing in the opposite geographical locations that Brown's novel, and Howard's movie, claim.

Despite all this, it's a fun movie. Like the Da Vinci Code, it's well paced and masterfully scored by Hans Zimmer. You can't help but find yourself entranced by Langdon as he unlocks yet another code or mystery, only to race through the jam packed streets and crowded public areas to thwart the efforts of the Illuminati. The locations - such as Saint Peter's Square - are stunning, and Ron Howard is no novice behind the camera, delighting us with wonderful aerial shots and behind the scenes glimpses of the Vatican and the intricacies of a papal enclave.

My dad and I went to see it together, and perhaps my assessment is overly generous due to the fact that my pop and I haven't gone to see a movie together in close to 15 years, and it was fun to be out with him on a guys night at the movies.

Like me, Dad had mixed feelings about the movie, but there was one thing we both were agreed on - Columbo would have unraveled the whole mess in 30 minutes.

Cordially

Joe

You have to admit that a certain level of cognitive dissonance sets in when the newest addition to your compliment of physicians is an ex-Clinton PR hack now serving in the medical field...in a remote Canadian city in the middle of nowhere. He is a wonderfully kind man and a very skilled doctor, but given his readiness to regurgitate all of the left-leaning beltway's latest talking points (the supposed Obama - Bush second term similarities) you have to be a little thankful that the man has chosen to graze in greener pastures.

When you begin to believe your own spin ("Cheney-Rumsfeld were the Machiavellian architects - they're even admitting it - I saw it on TV!") it's time to move on - or stay moved on as this fellow's case may be.

Speaking of the media's bizarre new fondness of drawing similarities between President Bush's second term, and President Obama's current stewardship (often mistakenly referred to as the Messiah's "first term" - was he already elected again?), let's examine that claim.

A little less than two decades ago, Quentin Tarantino introduced a bold and fresh new style of cinema with the release of his second directorial outing, Pulp Fiction. It was fresh, gripping, and wonderfully irreverent. Since then, the Tarantino genre has spawned countless imitators, and at times it seems Tarantino knock-off films are the only thing playing at the cinema. His success, however, came with an unfortunate consequence; The death of the very element that drives a film - plot. If the new Star Trek film is any indication, the only things needed to ensure a box office windfall are audio/visual wizardry, clever dialogue, and (perhaps not in this case) gratuitous violence.

The following is a guest editorial by a long time friend and talented blogger, Ace Smith.

An old friend of mine recently texted me to say my Facebook profile pic (see left) was coming off "a bit creepy". This was the cyber equivalent of earnestly taking someone aside at a dinner party to politely inform them they are embarrassing themselves in mixed company. I replied that the pose I struck was quite deliberate, a form of performance art, really; a hyperbolic caricature that reflects what my urbane friends (mostly Canadians) think about Americans who cherish their 2nd Amendment freedoms. Bluntly, we're all insane zealots.

As expected, I’ve had more reaction to this nifty self-portrait than to anything I’ve ever posted on Facebook or written on this blog, including the time I wrote pseudonymously as an intelligent person trapped in a mongoloid’s body (this was way before Down Syndrome suddenly became all the rage after the Palin pick). The reactions were decidedly mixed. Some people were on to the spoof and laughed along. Some were mildly alarmed and jokingly questioned my sanity. Some said I likely torched any lingering aspirations for a political career. Some congratulated me on the purchase and wanted to go shooting with me. Some wondered why I would ever want a handgun in the first place because, "you know, "guns kill people".

Some, perhaps envisioning an imminent rampage, expressed concern for my family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors. Some chastised me to varying degrees, the most extreme of which I found quite hilarious. One person, with whom I have not spoken in nearly 20 years, added me as a Facebook friend for the express purpose of sending me a blistering private message. In a nutshell, they said they always knew deep down I was a disturbed individual destined for the electric chair, then immediately de-friended me.

Needless to say, the more absurdly over the top reactions were exactly what I had hoped for. Perhaps it’s a perverse pleasure, but I love drawing out the real loons that walk among us. The routines, banalities and courtesies of everyday life tend to obscure nuttiness. In general, that’s sort of a good thing; nuts are destabilizing entities that tend to provoke nutty reactions from the otherwise sane in return. Personally, I’d rather out the nuts and take my chances, if for nothing else but to know who to avoid. Thanks to my inspired self-portrait, I now know there are a couple of acquaintances I should maintain a safe distance from in case they once again become completely unhinged about something as trivial as a picture.

Ace Smith

Ace Smith is an Ex-patriate Canadian now living in the greener, freer pastures of the United States of America.

In the forward of Father George Rutler's delightful book, Coincidentally, he bemoans the downward spiral of our educational system, the death of wit, and the ability to cite obscure trivia and factoids. The book is a collection of strange coincidences and chance that even had my father, a gifted Catholic theologian and scholar, reaching for reference books to clarify a few chapters. Father Rutler made no apologies for this, as he did not want to be another stone on the chest of our ever eroding standards of scholarship. He wrote that during a lecture, a student once asked him if the term World War II implied that there had been another war that preceded it.

First things first. The site looks the same as it did before I announced - with much aplomb - the possibility of a newer looking, more interactive site. After much consultation with my staff the vote was tied by a technicality, and the deciding vote was left to me, as this has been my wash pot for over a decade in one incarnation or another. My choice was to keep the site the way it is. As a libertoid conservative who lives by the axioms that there's nothing new under the sun, you can't feed a starving bear cotton candy, and a prostitute can't tell the cops anything if you stick her in a suitcase and throw her over a bridge, I held steadfast against the fickle mistress of "change".

Everyone is peddling change these days, and you can argue that it started from the top down (the office of the POTUS) or from the bottom up (the dirty Chicago cast of characters who ran the daily in and outs of then Senator Obama's campaign). Either way, it spread like locusts - soft drinks, car dealerships, even the major new networks were rallying around the banner of change, as if they ever needed to make honest ladies of themselves. I get an eerie feeling that there are Trotskyites in the basement when a product like Pepsi revamps its image by updating its slogan to "change" and morphing its graphic icon to more closely resemble that of the President's campaign emblem.

Not to suggest that my webmaster is a closet new-New Dealer with an Obama '08 bumper sticker on his car. To the contrary, his last ditch effort to sell his new format was an attempt to appeal to the free market spirit in me, proposing that their was a slim chance that the site could generate revenue through ads - regrettably, "slim" was an understatement.

Paul's mock-up site showed some admirable work, but after much deliberation, Claire and I decided that "The Straight Hype" would remain a plain jane, content-driven site. People come for meat and potatoes, and that's what we want to keep giving them, until forced to abandon our current template by our service provider.

More to come, as the fancy catches me. Enjoy the sounds of Blue October as you cruise into the weekend.

Cordially

Joe

Sorry for the misleadingly sexy title, there are no grand events to wax philosophically on today, French or otherwise. There will be no blogging by numbers this weekend - at least until the end of the weekend - due to a family re-union.

Cén chaoi 'bhfuil tú everyone!?! Just a couple of quick items before we jump in and tread the cyber waters. A person or persons unknown have started a blogger.com site with a similar name selling "Straight Hype" T-shirts. There is no explanation given as to what the group's aim is, or if they have any grander purpose than to sell one style of T-shirt. This site is in no way affiliated with mine, and I would like to remind everyone of the dangers of buying anything from a site that is not well recognized or lacks security features. Keep your credit cards in your wallet. We are not into any sort of merchandising as of yet - although these beef jerky business cards sound like a promising start.

Everyone agrees that airplane meals are culinary abortions, but - from the Associated Press;

BANGOR, Maine — A British woman allegedly had an in-flight meal of prescription drugs, wine and liquid soap — before trying to bite the crew of a London-bound jetliner.

Galina Rusanova punched and kicked flight attendants on the Chicago-based United Airlines flight after downing two or three bottles of wine, prescription drugs and liquid soap from the jet's lavatory, prosecutors said.

As the scuffle escalated, Rusanova snapped "like a dog" while trying to bite an attendant, prosecutors said. The FBI said the Russian-born London resident had gone to Los Angeles to visit a man she met over the Internet and was returning Wednesday when her flight was diverted to Bangor.

Rusanova appeared in U.S. District Court for a detention hearing there Monday, where she's charged with assault and interference with a flight crew.

No one answered the phone at defense lawyer Matthew Erickson's office.

An editorial note from Joe;

To me, the only thing that rings false about this story is that it claims that British woman was in possession of soap, which I believe the British avoid the way a North American would avoid a person sneezing repeatedly while lamenting about their awful trip to Mexico.

Cordially

Joe

There's much ado in the media over President Obama's "First Hundred Days". The media has an almost creepy obsession with anniversaries. They love anniversaries the way parents love to put a gold star on a poster every time little Jimmy makes poopy, or the way Ted Kennedy loves to snort cocaine off the backs of strippers. Like their annual Watergate obsession, this is another event I am refraining from wading too deep in.

I believe this whole nonsense started with FDR, another unapologetic socialist, but at least FDR was a guy who had a solid enough brass set to throw down the gauntlet after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbour. MSNBC loves to constantly remind us that they believe Obama is Roosevelt incarnate. Their resident pod personalities like Keith Olbermann love to slam the former administration for all sorts of imaginary "war crimes" like enhanced airport screening, but conveniently forget to mention FDR's unlawful rounding up and detainment of 120,000 Japanese-American citizens from the Pacific Coast.

I tried to watch some of the news coverage on this 100 day nonsense, and immediately switched the channel after hearing a CNN reporter say "It's like....I don't know what to say. It's like he was born to do this job."

CLICK! It was game over for me at that point. There was a time when many conservatives, like John Stossel and Bill O'Reilly, believed that CNN were just naively blind to their own biases - kind of like how some people don't realize their favourite pair of low rider jeans don't look the way they did 40 pounds ago.

There can be no such delusion anymore. CNN as a whole (with the exception of Sanjay Gupta - the coolest dude on earth) have started to slime their way over to MSNBC's side of the gutter. Anderson Cooper's snarky new attitude combined with the Tea Party fiasco leaves little doubt that the media is grossly underestimating the ground swell of conservative backlash that will come to haunt Pelosi and company in 2010. It seems the only person in the MSM who has not competely taken leave of his senses is Chris Matthews, who has apparently lost that "tingly feeling" and is launching stinging attacks on the President.

Where was I going with this...I forget. Too much wedding and family stuff on the go lately. Have a great weekend everyone, and enjoy the sounds of the young and very talented Sondre Lerche.

Cordially

Joe

Busy week planning the wedding. I won't bore you with the details, lest you begin to think you're in one of those god-awful cookie cutter romantic comedies starring Julia Roberts, a wise cracking gay side-kick, and a neurotic wedding planner with a generic foreign accent who is constantly in a state of panic. No, it's going to be a small tasteful Catholic wedding.

Oh! Have you heard? It's Blogging By Numbers Time!!

1 - Claire and I went to a breakfast for volunteers today. The gathering was so large it had to be held at the Moncton Coliseum. What astonished me the most were the rows of tables, each indicating - by way of a raised placard - which community organization was being represented. Most of these organizations got their start with 2 or 3 people who saw a need in the community that begged to be met. No government committee had to be formed to commission a 3 year study to figure out how to best distribute the goods or services. Revenue Canada didn't have to go digging into anyone's wallet by way of taxes to pay for these services. All members and groups present volunteered their time to make these charities work with donations from the private sector. Unlike the government, needs are assessed quickly and services are delivered promptly. Hats off to everyone who volunteers by giving time or money.

2 - The left's recent outrage over the audacity of conservatives and libertarians to cut into their monopoly of the protest movement is almost becoming comic. The Founding Bloggers caught an enraged CNN reporter chastising the protesters, and questioning their knowledge of history. The confrontation that ensued quickly became an overnight sensation on Youtube. More about the the Tea Parties in an upcoming blog.

3 - It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!

4 - There's a great review of State of Play over on Robby Moeller's "Voice in the Wilderness" blog. He's a sharp guy, and a dear friend of this blog.

5 - Finally, our favourite blogger from Phoenix and a great personal friend Ace, weighs in on Pimp My Recession Part 3!

"As for anecdotal evidence of America's worsening depression, I would say the huge lines I see every time I enter a Costco, Target or Walmart are certainly indicative of the general decline. Everyone knows the downtrodden tend to load up on flat screen TVs, laptops, stereo equipment, and patio furniture en masse when they are one unemployment cheque away from foreclosure and certain starvation. It's counter intuitive, I know, but we needn’t look at any underlying buoyancy in the retail sales figures as evidence of stability or even recovery. The poor, desperate souls inhabiting America’s heartland are living a Dickensian capitalist nightmare, the likes of which can only be remedied by a massive infusion of government spending, crippling taxation of the evil rich, and spiritual inspiration from the great savior of our times: The ObaMessiah…"

Have a great weekend. Here's a little something to ease you into the end of the week.

Cordially

Joe

The lovely Miss Claire made an interesting side-bar comment this morning while we were having a brain storming session on how frequent updates should be now that our readership has grown like pubis on the floor of Barney Frank's shower. We also tried to think of a few ways to increase readership. Two words - Midget Wrestling!! (nah, that was my idea.)

I wondered aloud how China, who intelligence officials claim abandoned an attempt to have Kim Jong Il assassinated a few years ago, could have let North Korea stray so far off of its leash. Claire opined that maybe China was measuring the mettle of President Obama by using North Korea. The thought of an international test of will by proxy chilled me a little. This is a brutal communist police state that can't even make safe baby food, and drives otherwise peaceful monks to set themselves ablaze like s'mores over a campfire.

Remember, this is a regime that we now know watched translated videos of the overthrow of Romania's former dictator Nicolae Ceausescu as an instructional guide on how to rid themselves of the drunken Kim Jong ( I think the folks who make those "Idiot's Guide" books may have thrown it together.). Using this bizarre incident as evidence, a reasonable person can draw only one of two conclusions:

A - China orchestrated this missile test to see how dovish American foreign policy has become.

B- China knew about North Korea's plans and tolerated this brazen act of aggression and perhaps even encouraged it towards the same aim mentioned above.

Only a careful dissection of intelligence can determine which scenario more closely resembles the truth - a "post-op analysis", as a dear late reader of this blog used to call it. If evidence suggests any complicity from Beijing, President Obama should demand that China reign in their delinquent despot, and crank up the heat on holding them accountable for human rights abuses.

As Rich Lowry recently pointed out, the Somali pirate incident should serve as a helpful tutorial to President Obama on the "indispensability of American power", not it's limits. The President toured Europe, hat in hand, asking for help in Afghanistan, and was politely told to get bent. It dishonours, not emboldens, America's standing in the world when the US goes begging to a bunch of European has-been nations who are too busy quibbling over the acceptable circumference of fruit to be of any use to anybody. The EU is just a giant Monopoly game being played by errant children.

Anyway, a big welcome to all of our new readers and the kind comments that have poured in from Italy to Nova Scotia to New York. We owe this to the confidence of our friend Jonah Goldberg, and I hope we don't disappoint!

On deck for the weekend, Blogging by Numbers and Pimp My Recession Part Three! Here's our favourite song siren, Regina Spektor, to get you through the day!

Cordially

Joe

I know, Somali pirates are probably a far cry from the swashbuckling privateers we've come to romanticize in the movies, as the media seems to be in constant need of reminding us. Like I really believe that there still are wooden ships captained by cockney, one-eyed, eye patched captains afloat on the seven seas. I'm sure there's still lots of Rum, Sodomy and The Lash that goes on with these Somali thieves, but any swashbuckling is most likely done by a 14 year old armed with a machete or semi-automatic weapon of some sort - and I doubt the kid has too many snappy one-liners to charm the ladies with.

Well hey there! Are you smart, ridiculously wealthy and physically fit? Do you have dashing super model good looks, the wit of Evelyn Waugh, the charm of Hugh Laurie, and the style of Grace Kelly? When you walk down the street do people sigh and whisper; "I wish I had me some of that!" If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you may have a drinking problem - er, I mean you must be a reader of The Straight Hype!

You see, readers of the Straight Hype are the life of every party, and yes, even the very glue that holds society together. But did you know that there's even more to the Straight Hype? Now, I know what you're thinking - "There can't be. Stop with all this nonsense. How could there be more to something that's already perfect?" I am happy to tell you it's all true!! If you look at the upper right hand corner of the page, you'll notice an archive section where you can peruse through past blog posts, read timeless opinion pieces, and have that feeling that makes you say "Gee isn't this just Jim Dandy?" But hey! It's blogging by numbers time!!!

1 - Is there anyone out there better than the invaluable Jonah Goldberg? Not only did he write last year's no#1 political best seller, he's just about the savviest conservative-libertoid groove-meister out there. He is to my generation what Buckley was to the last - the smartest conservative voice in the political wilderness. May he continue to inform and entertain us for years to come.

2 - Lately I've received many comments from some newer readers who seem to think this blog is some kind of news organization, and are expressing their indignation at the lack of "neutrality". I don't know how these people can be so clueless. Perhaps it happens after you've consumed too many items off the floors of public washrooms.

James Bowman said that "the obsession with bias has led to the corruption of our political culture" and has even made political discourse almost silly. This is a conservative site with libertarian leanings. I am not a mouth piece for the GOP or any political party. We support conservative issues and ideals, and will continue to do so.

3 - Korea's equivalent of a drunken midget running with scissors continues to test the will of the international community, and President Obama is responding with a whimper. While the red glare of North Korea's missile test still blinds the eyes of the free world, President Obama is making subliminal apologies for Hiroshima in Prague. The President needs to speak with a clear and unwavering voice about the inherent dangers of the actions of Pyongyang. There is a time and a place to speak about non-proliferation, and that time and place is from a position of strength, not a weak-kneed U.S. foreign policy that seeks to appease rather than protect.

4 - Claire and I have chosen the florist. Do you hear the sound of a giant check mark clicking off another item on an endless list?

5 - Getting back to some of those new readers....I don't post comments that insult people of faith. Faith is something we've discussed maybe twice on this blog, and it's not the centrifuge that drives this site. I don't have patience for hateful anti-Semitic or anti-Christian diatribes. Disagreement is fine - vile ranting is not. I don't care if you don't like it.

6 - Have a good week, and instead of our usual video-pick of the week, here's Mr. Jonah "the G-man" Goldberg at his best!

Cordially

Joe

Oh, joy and wonders!! I received of box from Amazon this weekend with a gift for Claire - David McCullough's incredible biography on John Adams, and a treat for myself - David McCullough's new book "1776" (Both books were no#1 New York Times best sellers and winners of the Pulitzer prize at that!). American Revolutionary history...porn for conservatives!!!

The lovely Miss Claire and I went to our marriage prep course this weekend, which had more than it's share of pansy-ass progressives who were only there because they had to be. I don't know why people who have so many problems with the Catholic church stay. If you don't like the Pope and what he has to say, than maybe the Catholic church isn't the place for you. Why not join the United Church, or some other liberal religious outfit, rather than sit in condescension at the rest of us traditional Catholics? Why keep living with the fantasy that in a few years there's going to be a new Pope who's going to change Roman Catholic doctrine to reflect the wish list of the left? It's not going to happen. It's ok if the Catholic church doesn't fit with your liberalism, but would you keep going to McDonald's if you were a vegetarian, and keep complaining about all the beef they serve?

Anyway, hope you're enjoying your weekend. Here's the latest participant in our new feature, "Pimp My Recession", Mr. J.B. from Missouri.

Joe, I live in Missouri, metro Kansas City. I work for Ford Motor Company as an electrician and have been there for 21 years, prior to that I worked for General Motors. My degrees are in psychology, sociology and anthropology. I tend toward conservatism but only from a libertarian perspective. I am a Marine combat veteran of Vietnam and took an oath that has no expiration (to the Constitution). Times have been better economically than they are today, things aren't yet as bad as they were during the Carter Regime however. The current Occupant of the White House appears to be patterning himself after Benito Mussolini (look at the poses) with the failed programs of Franklin Roosevelt for economic guidance. Frankly he scares the hell out of me. I took my wife and sister to Cracker Barrel tonight--the place was packed. The parking lot of the Outback Steak House nearby was quite full as well.

Thanks JB. I'm assuming the Cracker Barrel is a restaurant. In Canada, Cracker Barrel is a brand of delicious cheddar cheese. Mmmmmm cheese.

Cordially

Joe

I have my weigh-in today at Simply For Life, and I'm down another belt loop, so let's hope that my massive Canadian body mass index has gone down again!

If there's one thing that President Bush understood about ancient Arab honour cultures, it was that they perceive olive branch overtures to diplomacy as naive signs of weakness. Bin Laden said this himself as far back as 1996, when Clinton's Obama-style diplomacy was met with mockery;

"...when tens of your solders were killed in minor battles and one American Pilot was dragged in the streets of Mogadishu you left the area carrying disappointment, humiliation, defeat and your dead with you. Clinton appeared in front of the whole world threatening and promising revenge, but these threats were merely a preparation for withdrawal. "

Emboldened by over a decade of American inaction, the extreme elements of Islam hit hard on September 11th, 2001, feeling comforted that there would be no reprisals by the new American culture of understanding and diplomatic weakness. They soon found out they messed with the wrong cowboy.

Extreme Theocracies and Islamofascists in the Arab world are becoming emboldened again by the naive pattering of President Obama. In a recent video to Iran, Obama praised the "...true greatness of the Iranian people and civilization". He could not have said anything more sand-poundingly stupid and dangerous then if he had invited President Ahmadinejad to the White House to watch American Idol over Nachos and goat's milk.

Iran's Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khameini, immediately shot back with ridicule and contempt that a sitting President would act in such a manner, viewed as weak and womanly amongst honour cultures;

"Have you released Iranian assets? Have you lifted oppressive sanctions? Have you given up mudslinging and making accusations against the great Iranian nation and its officials? Have you given up your unconditional support for the Zionist regime? Even the language remains unchanged."

Oh yeah, and when he was done, the crowd chanted "Death to America" for about an hour. Nice G-7 Democracy you have there. Pity if anything should happen to it.

So, is this the new responsible approach to foreign relations the President promised on the campaign trail? Making the US look vulnerable and cowardly? It appears so.

President Bush understood the Arab mindset, and his no compromise, no capitulation policy kept America safe for over 8 years. President Obama is a naif and a danger to America's security. Let's hope Iran's ridicule serves as a warning that warm and fuzzy overtures only lead to high-jacked planes and dead Americans.

Cordially

Joe

Dateline - Somewhere on a train in the vast expanse between Moncton and Bathurst.

I'm trying to identify the odd smell of discount aftershave that's permeating the air. It's one of the dozens of cheap aftershaves you find at any pharmacy that have tried to re-invent themselves over the years by adding the word "cool" or "mountain fresh" to the label. Ah! Just figured it out! It's Gillette "Cool Wave". Kind of smells like alcohol, soap, and bubble gum. My eyes are burning. The gentleman currently wearing this high-end scent must fancy himself a lady's man, as I suspect he poured the entire contents of the bottle over his head before leaving the house. I'm not sure if the train is on fire, or if I am one of the many victims of this olfactory abortion. Perhaps he considers this a form of contraception, because no one's going to sleep with him smelling like that. If this is the case, he's wise to take such preventative measures - he's wearing jogging pants with the backend view suggesting they're ready to burst in the ass - think that shiny Teflon look that tells you your backside is about to become an undefended border. A lady could never resist such charms.

I realize this is the bane of most travelers, but I love hyper-active 4 year olds on a train. They don't stop moving and running around until someone slips them an Attivan. I love how if you make eye contact with them when they're speeding down the aisle, they freeze, stand bolt straight, and stare at you for over a minute with these wide eyes that seem to say "I am so freaking hyper I'm not sure what I'm doing. Are you Santa Claus?"

The Via Rail people are super friendly. I've watched them grow like inflatable balloons at a Macy's parade over the years because of their sedentary jobs. I guess it's an occupational hazard. When the only healthy menu item is the ham and bacon Ciabatta sandwich, you don't have much control over your dietary intake.

Anyway, my stop is coming, and I'm more tired than the only hooker at a Vegas wedding. I have my monthly doctor appointment tomorrow, so wish me well.

Cordially

Joe

Just returned from Boston and the Lovely Miss Claire and I couldn't help but notice the conspicuous absence of all things John Adams. Boston's most famous son is strangely missing from statuary, tours and the local lingo. He was the second President for the love of God! Perhaps he was right when he noted that the mythical interpretation of the founding would forever be ingrained in the public consciousness. As Adams himself once lamented it was as though"...Franklin waved his electric wand and up popped Washington and Jefferson ".


Regardless, I love the city and have been there enough to start noticing little quirks. Boston baked beans are as disgusting as baked beans found in any French Canadian town. No matter how much local pride you have it's not right to put baked beans on nachos. It's a culinary abomination.
Some of the locals near Salem noticed my French Canadian accent and tried to burn me. I reminded them that burning the French is a good start but if they need to have a few frogs around, at least I'm a conservative frog. You never know when you will need a Frenchman.

So what's all this talk about a recession? CNN would have you believe that we are in the middle of an economic apocalypse, and President Obama seems to be enjoying the luxury of changing his mind on a daily basis now that he successfully passed his monstrous 750 billion "stimulus" bill, which in actuality has very little stimulus but lots of juicy pork barrel items straight out of the progressive wish list. Is everyone in a panic? Are jobs being lost by the bucket load and homes going into foreclosure every minute? Maybe, but the reality on the ground seems to be a little cloudier. In our newest feature "pimp my recession", I've asked readers from across the U.S. to tell us what they've been seeing. First at bat is a longtime reader we'll call "Miss D". Here's her take;


"Well, here I am in Salt Lake City and I can honestly say............no, nobody that I see living in tents. And not just in Salt Lake. On the outskirts where I'm working like Sandy, Layton, Murray. There's also not a lot of doom and gloom on the local t.v. channels either as far as jobs being lost or showing people who are having to move out of their homes because they can't make their payments. Now, that MAY be going on............I just haven't seen it myself or heard it reported nor have I had anyone talking about it where I've been.

Even in Houston the economy and real estate is a whole lot better than other states and cities. Sure, we have some people who have lost their jobs and the real estate market is down..........but you'd be hard pressed to believe it just judging by the number of packed restaurants on any given night, or the numbers of people at the museums and the theatres, concert halls and the stores. I do know some people who have lost their jobs because the plants have closed down, but they're not sitting around whining and moaning and waiting for President Gander to get them a job."

Thanks Miss D. Have a good week, and in case you're wondering, that picture up there is of me and the lovely Miss Claire at the Boston Aquarium. Notice my classic "here we go again" eye roll? Just goes to show that there's nothing sweet about me.

Cordially

Joe

I have writer's block...again. It's a seasonal thing, I believe, with no accurate causation I can trace with any reliability. Maybe it's because my only source for news over the past few days was CNN, which has been proven by scientists to drastically reduce brain function.

The tag line of Ron Howard's ambitious new film, Frost/Nixon, tells us quite a lot about what was otherwise a refreshing and sympathetic look at President Nixon:

OK, I have a confession to make: I think I'm a bad person. Not "Battlefield Earth" bad, but bad enough. What has driven me to all this self-flagellation? What could cause such dark introspection and self recrimination? The answer is simple - a crazy chimpanzee.

It's that time again - That special time when the alpha and the omega merge; When kittens and dogs march in unison and helium balloons gently lift giggling children up in the air; That special time when it rains gumdrops and gummy bears and you don't have to wait until December to watch season 5 of Lost on DVD; It's blogging by numbers time!!

Last year in my hometown, several people living in an exclusive neighbourhood successfully lobbied the city council against building a homeless shelter near their subdivision. The shelter, the citizens bemoaned, would only bring crime, drugs, and rapid property devaluation to their community. It was no small irony when, a few months later, several members of the community were arrested on charges of having marijuana growing operations in their basements so massive they would have made Willie Nelson blush. It seems they were supplying the drugs and crime by the bucket load, all by themselves (here comes the segway!).

Now, in President Obama's Washington, the sanctimonious ivy league liberals who have been using that mysterious, ill-defined spectre known as the "the rich" as their whipping boy for the last 25 years are starting to feel a little like those folks who got caught with all that pot in their basements. It would appear that the President has traded in his old gang of criminals and terrorists from Chicago for a new gang of tax cheats and liars from the beltway.

First came Governor Bill Richardson. On December 3rd, President Obama nominated Richardson for Commerce Secretary. One month later, Richardson reluctantly withdrew his name after it was revealed that he was under investigation by a grand jury for pay-to-play kickback schemes. How could Obama's vetting team not have known that Richardson was facing the prospect of an INDICTMENT?

Next at bat was Treasury Secretary nominee Timothy Geithner - the supposed economic whiz kid who was so good at his job that he managed to hide reporting over $100,000 in unpaid taxes and used a clever loop hole involving the statute of limitations to avoid paying lots more. He was finally approved by the Senate review committee on January 26th - on the 30th anniversary celebrating the premiere of the "Dukes of Hazzard" on CBS (no point to make there, just an interesting piece of trivia. You may insert your own jokes at will).

Then came the big hitter, the guy who put the "prick" in the expression "sanctimonious little prick" - Health and Human Services nominee Senator Tom Daschle. Senator Daschle's years of loud mouth bullying quickly changed to meek pleas of shame after it was discovered that Mr. Clean cheated the IRS out of $134,000. Insiders are saying that there is strong pressure from both sides for Senator Daschle to step down. As we go to print National Review is reporting that Daschle has stepped down. If he had blood, he'd be blushing.

Finally, but not the only, and surely not the last, is a lady by the name of Nancy Killefer, who was to be the first to hold the newly created position of "Chief Performance Officer". I don't know what a "performance officer" does, but it appears one thing they do not do is pay their taxes. Killefer withdrew her nomination after it was revealed in the press that she failed to report employment taxes on household help, and that the IRS had placed a $1000 lien on her house as a result of the unpaid taxes.

Is this the "Change!" President Obama promised to bring to Washington? Is this the result of what Senator McCain warned about when he spoke of then Senator Obama's inexperience? In any case, the lovely Miss Claire, my fiancée and associate editor, put the whole mess in razor sharp perspective when she said;

"How did this politician - who supposedly made it out of Chicago clean, despite associating with what seems like every corrupt human being in the city, with no knowledge of the corruption surrounding him - manage to track down a bunch of corrupt politicians nationally to bring into his political family? These people must gravitate towards him, longing to purge themselves of this corruption, knowing that only the mighty OBAMA can cure them of their malignant disease."

I think that says it all.

Have a great week everyone. I think Willie Nelson said it best when he sang this.

Cordially

Joe

In July, it's going to be 5 years since I had a drink, and today marks 22 days without a cigarette. The lovely miss Claire observed that we are now officially without any real vices. I pointed out that I am still an avid scratch lottery enthusiast, so don't be callin' me holy Joe yet. I will damn well scratch myself into debt to keep up the appearance of at least some semblance of impropriety (no, I actually wouldn't do that, but I can say I would).

Glenn Beck is one hell of a funny and cool guy, and he's as straight an arrow as they come. He once called Hillary Clinton Mussolini in a pant suit - how could you not love a guy like that?

Attitude - that's it. He's got attitude. Attitude is the bane of razor sharp intellectuals like James Bowman, but at least if I have attitude, it gives the impression that I am a walking den of debauchery, the kind of guy who drinks Johnny Walker like Aquafina, smokes like a cab driver and snorts cocaine off the backs of strippers.

I even have to limit my intake of diet soft drinks and coffee. The jack-booted henchman at Simply For Life have forbidden pop or coffee of any sort for the next 3 weeks, but I am allowed a cup of tea per day. YAY! Next I'll be snacking on Melba toast after my prune juice enemas.

I'm kidding. I was once such a problem drinker that weekend benders landed me in the hospital or detox on more occasions then I care to remember. I often found myself in really dangerous places or situations - like at after hours bars that swept you with a metal detector and patted you down for weapons before you could enter. A single shot of domestic rum at one of those hell holes would set you back about 8 bucks - going rate for the privilege of a couple of extra hours of drinking surrounded by guys swapping prison gang rape stories and women who looked like they could use a good delousing.

But who am I kidding? I was never a bad ass. Just some mild mannered, good natured guy with a quick wit, a modest talent for writing, and a hard core drinking problem. I joined AA, slipped and fell a few times, and once it caught, I never looked back.

Do I miss beer? Sometimes. Would I like a cigarette right now? F#*ck yes. I would light my hair on fire for a pull of sweet, sweet smoke. So I guess I'm a man of no - or nominal - vice.

Well, I'm getting married to the lovely Miss Claire this September. We've travelled to points far and wide together over the past two years, and life has never been better. I guess being a vice lite kind of guy isn't that bad after all.

Before I go I would like to thank all my readers for the overwhelming response to our first podcast. There will be more to come! Enjoy the sounds of Cloud Cult as we head into the weekend!

Cordially

Joe

The Straight Hype has acquired, through our sources in the Nigerian underworld, a brand spanking new computer. Well, it’s actually an old computer that was acquired by fierce negotiations, but as the old NBC motto goes, if you haven’s seen it, it’s new to you. The guy who sold it to me bartered it for a Celine Dion CD and a bootlegged copy of “Manimal-The Box Set” VHS edition. This will hopefully lead to more blogs posts, but I wouldn’t count on it given my track record.

I originally planned on going in another direction with this blog post, after making the ill advised decision to tune into CBC Pacific radio while taking a relaxing bath - basically the equivalent of inviting Cynthia McKinney to sit on your toilet seat and allow her to go off unplugged while trying to luxuriate in your goat's milk bubble bath. After my anger had abated - precious seconds before my Incredible Hulk heart meter began flashing red warning lights - I decided to go in a (slightly different) direction, although I must warn the pod people at CBC radio that they would definitely not like me when I'm angry.

CBC radio is the Canadian equivalent of the U.S.'s NPR, which really should speak volumes to my more astute American readership. During the program on Thursday night - hosted by two sanctimonious middle aged crows - a Palestinian relief worker and someone from the PR department at the Israeli government were each given turns to speak. The Palestinian fellow - whose voice was so full of bile he sounded like he was strapping on a suicide belt - described how it was impossible to go out without wading through mounds of dead babies and puppies. He claimed that there was absolutely no power, water, food, medical supplies, diet Mr. Pibbs, Korans, Milk of Magnesia, or copies of Cracked anywhere to be found. Why? The Israelis, of course! If this fool was to be believed, they had bombed every hospital, school, and falafel maker in the entire Gaza strip. Then he said something that intelligence agencies have stated is a new and rapidly growing trick among Hamas sympathizers. He claimed he was especially terrified because his children had "special needs". You will hear this frequently from many people claiming to have been unjustly victimized by Israel. The reason they say this is not because their children have special needs. They say this because it elicits an immediate emotional response from Western listeners. Not once was this gentleman challenged, or asked to verify a single piece of information he had spewed out. He was simply given a free pass as the CBC harpies gushed over themselves to wish him a safe trip home.

Next up was the PR guy from the Israeli Government. Despite immediately being put on the defensive by the the radio hosts, he was calm and confident and reminded the ladies that just 2 days ago over 5 million dollars in humanitarian aid was safely delivered into Gaza under the auspices of the United Nations. He also confirmed that power and utilities were working in over 90% of the Strip and was happy to provide independent verification of these facts. CBC's lefty tag team would have none of it. They peppered the poor chap in rapid fire succession with statements rather than questions about how the international community was demanding the Israeli Government be tried for war crimes and crimes against humanity. The spokesperson tried - amidst constant interruptions - to explain Israel's right to defend itself as a sovereign nation against years of unprovoked bombings, rocket attacks, and a laundry list of atrocities commited by Hamas and their ilk.

He was quickly dismissed but unrattled. It seemed he and other people in his department are well used to these kinds of media hit and runs.

Had he been given the time, he may have been able to crunch a few numbers for the fascists at CBC radio. Since the year 2000, 1,176 people have been killed by Palestinian terrorists. This number includes 18 Israelis who were targeted while abroad, and 3 American service personnel working to help the people of Gaza. The number of wounded at the hands of militant Palestinians tops the scale at an astounding 8,300 for a total of close to 10,000 wounded and killed in just 8 short years.

The international community's response? It would seem they are asking the Israeli's to sit back and take it on the chin as their buses, schools, homes, restaurants, and hospitals are bombarded by Hamas rockets on an almost weekly basis.

Let me be clear. This is not a war against the Palestinian people. This is a war against Hamas and like minded terrorist groups who do not believe Israel has a right to exist, and when they say that, they are not talking about the international validity of Israeli statehood - they fervently believe that the Jews are an inferior race, descended from rats, who must be annihilated off the face of the earth - and so do a lot of Arabs living abroad.

In anti-Israeli demonstrations from Britain to British Columbia, "ordinary Muslims" were holding signs and placards reading "Hitler didn't do enough" and "Build bigger ovens". Don't we have hate crime laws in Canada? Some poor schmuck from Alberta wrote a letter to the editor questioning the constitutional validity of gay marriage and he was harangued by the courts for years, yet people can parade in the streets advocating the gassing of Jews and extolling the virtues of Hitler without fear of reprisal.

Last year in Somalia, 16,000 civilians were killed by Jihadists fighting Ethiopian forces. I don't remember anyone in the main stream media, let alone CBC, call for war crimes charges to be brought against the Somalians who perpetrated that Genocide.

You can play with language all you want. When protesters around the world are holding up signs calling for the gassing and burning of Jews, and you continue to delude yourself into believing that Palestinians are simply "freedom fighters" waging war against an unjust Zionist occupying force, then you, my friend, are engaging in intellectual dishonesty of the worst order.

Hamas and their supporters don't want peace, land or self-determination. They want mountains of dead Jews and bigger ovens. It's happened before because of international apathy. It can happen again.

Alright. Sorry for all the doom and gloom in that article, but the Hype strives for a higher purpose than weekly doses of fart jokes and anecdotes about gastro-intestinal infections. At least sometimes.

Hope you had a great weekend. Here's a great new song by Ben Folds featuring my favorite song siren, Regina Spektor, called "You don't know me at all".

Enjoy.

Cordially

Joe

Hi, my name is Joe Leger. That's me in the picture over there - editor of The Straight Hype(TM). You may remember me from such movies as It Was Broken When I Got Here; Doctor, it Burns Where it Shouldn't Burn; and Cilantro, The Misunderstood Herb.

The New Year is upon us, and it is customary here at Hype Central to make an amusing and entertaining list of predictions. This year, however, in the spirit of "Change" that has been the credo of so many misguided North Americans as of late (ugh, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little), I shall make a list of rants that may appear to have no purpose, yet when viewed collectively by future generations, will contain within them a wisdom that defined us in deep and profound ways. So here we go...

Thoughts on the past year and the year to come:

A - Being a child born well into the Age of Reason, I don't easily fall victim to claims of malevolent auras pervading the atmosphere - that was until I read of a near-fatal airborne bovine catastrophe in Turkey. Reports are that diners at a swanky restaurant in Istanbul were nearly flattened into their karniyarik after a cow crashed through the roof of the establishment. Miraculously, no one was injured, but the cow was quite dead. Whether the cow was already on the roof at the time of the incident - and just how it got there in the first place - remains a mystery. Curiously, this appears to be a occurrence that happens with some regularity.

B - Why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks.

C - President Elect Obama will discover early in his Presidency that the war in Iraq is slightly more complex than pulling out large number of troops at will and declaring; "You sunk my battleship!"

D - Despite the continual flood of email, subpoenas, and cease and desist letters, Wolfe Blitzer will eventually see the wisdom of auctioning one of his kidneys on Ebay! in my mad "kidney for profit" scheme.

E - Israel will continue to bomb the living be-jeepers out of those who claim that Jews are descended from demons and rats, and will no longer allow radicals who have no interest in peace attack and murder their citizens. The world will continue to blame the Jews for the current situation, and international support will be sympathetic towards Islamic terrorists who wish to annihilate the Israelites. Gee! When has that happened before?

F - The Straight Hype will continue to be an unwavering and unconditional ally of Israel.

G - Best Movies of 2008 -

1 - Gone Baby Gone - A thought provoking and gripping thriller by Ben Affleck (yes, Ben Affleck) whose amazing ensemble cast and gritty reality make up for the film's less then credible ending.

2 - In Bruges - A witty and smart dark comedy starring a newly sober Colin Farrell. A true gem.

3 - Valkyrie - By god, Tom Cruise did it! Over budget and late on delivery, this movie packs a punch, despite lacking badly needed character development.

4 - Persepolis - A funny, warm, yet unflinching look at the horrors of living under the rule of Islamic extremism.

5 - Reservation Road - A little known movie and a personal favourite. Joaquin Phoenix and Mark Ruffalo are riveting. A must see.

6 - John Adams - Though this is technically an HBO mini-series, it is the finest piece of work I have ever seen. It proudly boasts a stunning cast, an amazing score, and stunning cinematography. Based David McCullough's award winning book, it is probably the most accurate and entertaining look at the Revolutionary period seen through the eyes of John Adams. This was also the lovely miss Claire's favourite oeuvre of the year.

7 - Honourable mentions - Though I was less than impressed with these two offerings, my associate editor, the lovely miss Claire (and almost everyone else) nominates both the "Dark Night" and "Iron Man" as superb examples of comic book adventures brought to the screen. Heath Ledger was electrifying as the Joker, and Robert Downey Jr. was superb as Iron Man (I agree with the latter two statements, but come on! Tony Stark performing open heart surgery in a cave in Afghanistan? This would be less irritating to me if the director wouldn't have continued to blather on about the film's "realism").

H - I really try to be nice. I conscientiously read all of my emails and respond to all questions and comments in a timely and courteous manner. My readers are important to me. They are the lifeblood of this organ. Without you, the Hype would be just another dot-com cargo cult in the wasteland of cyberspace. But somewhere, in between your family outing to the monster truck pull and your appearance on Judge Judy, you email the site and pollute my inbox with the noisy static that crams up the inner workings of your brain. Admittedly, I am a bit of an intellectual tricotteuse. It's one thing to give bitch slaps to liberals, paleo-liberals, and rabid Jacobites, but some of you people somehow manage to fall outside of the ice-cold grip of stereotype. You are the people who think music hit it's apex when Lynyrd Skynyrd recorded "Sweet home Alabama", the kind of folks who declare they'll never visit "Effigy" because it seems someone's always getting hung there. You know who you are. You buy generic soda pop and own a copy of "Wrestlemania III". You think Western Civilization reached an all-new cultural plateau when Garth Brooks broke the mold by tearing down the walls between country and rock, spawning the insipid "Country Rock" genre. I guess we should thank you for demonstrating the perils of alcohol and free Internet access at public libraries.

I - Jonah Goldberg's "Liberal Fascism" was the most thought provoking, meticulously researched and important books of 2008. It turns 50 years of conventional wisdom on it's head with it's humorous but not overly scathing indictment of the Left's cherished beliefs.

J - Most important of all is that I got engaged to the lovely miss Claire this year. My life is truly blessed.

Happy New Year from the Hype.

Cordially

Joe

Ahhh, Christmas time! The day when the Great Pumpkin rose out of the pumpkin patch and appeared before Linus, bearing Festivus gifts for all the good progressives of the world, before he ascended 3 days later into the bosom of Gaia to rest up and prepare for next year’s Kwanzaa. I kid of course, but I would hardly be gob-smacked to hear that your children arrived home from school with similar tales from their teachers. After reading an article a month ago about a school teacher who drove an 8 year old girl to tears after calling her father a war criminal for fighting an “illegal” war in Iraq, nothing surprises me anymore. President Bush’s naïve - albeit well intentioned - “No Child Left Behind” policy should have had a provision that stipulated that no child should be left behind to endure humiliation at the hands if her pod-brained teacher, who believes the word “sacrifice” only applies to weeks when she’s feeling a bit pudgy, and has to skip the whipped cream on her Starbucks caramel mochachino.

The funny thing about progressives - as Jonah Goldberg points out in his book, Liberal Fascism - is that they are incapable of coming to terms with the sins of their past, or speaking out against the extreme elements of their movement that alienate them from the rest of thinking, breathing, carbon-based life forms. As Islamic extremists continue to bomb churches, trains, subways, cafes, and even their own Mosques, the progressive elites in this country continue to serve as useful apologists for these monsters, while heaping piles on abuse of President Bush who in their minds is “the real terrorist.” Sigh. While the conservative movement intelligently parsed all the nuances of the Iraq war – even luminaries like the venerable William F Buckley Jr opposed it – no self respecting, right-minded thinker, regardless of how they felt, was so daft as to ever blame the United States - or President Bush - for monstrosities committed in the name of Islam.

Greetings, dear readers, and a plenary indulgence for a buck and half to all (Sorry, I can't do that. I'm not a Bishop and I don't want to agitate the mentally unstable ghost of Martin Luther into causing any more trouble for us Catholics).

I am about to enter into the sacred bond that John Adams once referred to as "the tyranny of the petticoat," although I've never seen the lovely miss Claire wear a petticoat. Maybe she's saving it for a second trip to colonial Williamsburg to wear during a July 4th costume celebration.

Oh yeah...I should also mention she's not a tyrant nor prone to tyrannical outbursts - even while editing, which is a rare feat for editors as a species.

I'm getting married to the lovely Miss Claire on Sept. 18th at the beautiful St. Bernard's Roman Catholic Church. She said yes a few days ago and now we are on a collision course toward matrimonial madness. I should admit to this one caveat - I was married before, but it didn't quite take. There are many reasons for this, the primary being that I was always kind, respectful and nice, and she, um, wasn't. Anyway, that's the past. I've been divorced for over 7 years, and my marriage was annulled by the church, so I can re-marry with a Catholic Mass. Getting an annulment was a lot easier than I thought - First, it wasn't expensive; Second, it was quick; Lastly, Tomás de Torquemada wasn't as tough as they make him out to be. I was on the rack for 15 minutes and the guy falls asleep.

I couldn't be happier. We both share a love for American Revolutionary history, National Review, American Politics, lasagna, President John Adams, a belief that toast will one day rise again as the afternoon snack of choice, and of course, each other.

I won't agitate your gag reflex with tales of our mutual love and respect, but I will confess I am the happiest man on the planet. Even happier than that guy who died last year after a truck filled with Twinkies overturned and unloaded their contents, crushing him to death with their sweet, sweet spongy goodness.

Hope you all had a good weekend. The wedding is going to be a small private family affair so you may want to spare yourself (as well as me) the awkwardness of asking if you're invited. But I luvs you all anyway.

Enjoy some Great Big Sea as we head into the week

Cordially

Joe

Everyone is an editor. I write too many personal humour pieces, and my fans write in to demand more politics. I write too many political pieces and people write in - pitchforks in hand -to demand more humour pieces. Is there no pleasing some people?

Well, I'm at your service. A writer is like a literary prostitute of sorts. You want me to write the first chapter of War and Peace on my belly with blueberry syrup? I'll do it, providing someone has a crumpled up 20 dollar bill to give me for my troubles.

I'm returning to work on December 19th, which is just about right for me. I was starting to get cabin fever from being cooped up in my apartment. One week, I was so overcome with boredom, I began to think I was some deranged version of Gandalf from Lord Of The Rings, and stood in my open apartment door in a tattered bathrobe wielding a golf club yelling "You shall not pass!" to passing strangers. No one took much notice. I live on Main street, and that kind of stuff is pretty much par for the course.

I am presently at my folks in Bathurst relaxing and enjoying life. I miss the lovely miss Claire but I'll be back in Moncton tomorrow.

Planning a trip to Boston in for February with my brother, Claire's sister and their respective partners. Hope to head out to Braintree to check out Peacefield, President John Adams's old haunt. It's one of the Founding Father's residences we haven't yet seen.

Big announcement to make soon, so stay on your toes, like a midget at a urinal.

Take care, my loyal and trusted readers...and those of you who can't be trusted as well.

Here's a little a treat for you!

Cordially

Joe

I hear there's a new search engine out there whose environmentalist creators have pledged to plant a tree for every 100 search inquiries entered per person utilizing the service. Great if your into that kind of rubbish, but I would be more inclined to use a search engine that pledges to clear-cut an acre of the rain forest for every fifty searches entered. It's kind of like those great Sumatra coffee beans they grow in soil that has a high content of volcanic ash - some anti globalist do-gooders won't buy the coffee beans because it's picked by 6 year old children under less than perfect conditions; I say it's their tiny hands that make it tasty.

Wow! It's been a busy week. My last post tore the lid off my inbox with new fans of the site, and a couple of Euro-dweebs that are perplexed that some blogger up in the cold white north isn't so enthusiastic about President-elect Obama's re-heated Swedish style socialism, the type of government that Alexis De Tocqueville once said endeavours to;



"keep them in perpetual childhood. . . . For their happiness such a government willingly labors, but it chooses to be the sole agent and the only arbiter of that happiness; it provides for their security, foresees and supplies their necessities, facilitates their pleasures, manages their principal concerns, directs their industry, regulates the descent of poverty and subdivides their inheritances: what remains, but to spare them all the care of thinking and all the trouble of living?"

As the voting tallies begin to be broken down, dissected and disseminated by beltway bean counters with giant computer-ma-jiggies, some curious data is rising to the surface confirming my previous assertion that many "new voter" demographic groups show a strange disconnect between who they voted for and what they actually believe in. National Review's Johah Goldberg points out a few telling trends;

"Something interesting happened on Election Day that didn’t get much attention. Bans on gay marriage were on ballots in several states, and they all won. In fact, gay marriage bans have ultimately passed in all 30 of the states in which they were on the ballot.

The ban in California was particularly intriguing. Proposition 8 would have failed in the Golden State if it were up to white voters, who opposed it by a 51-49 ratio. What carried it over the top was enormous support from black voters, with about 70 percent of them backing it. Hispanics also supported the ban by significant, though smaller, margins. In Florida, where a similar ban required a 60 percent margin, Amendment 2 just barely passed, getting 60 percent of the white vote. The cushion came from blacks, who voted 71 percent in favor, and Latinos, who voted 64 percent in favor.

In other words, Obama had some major un-progressive coattails. The tidal wave of black and Hispanic voters who came out to support Obama voted in enormous numbers against what most white liberals consider to be the foremost civil rights issue of the day.

Put aside the substance of the gay marriage debate; what’s fascinating is how these returns expose the underlying weakness, or at least vulnerability, of progressivism."

The media has been prattling on about how the GOP has to do some ideological soul searching, implying that the defeat of Republicans was somehow a repudiation of conservatism and a vote of approval for the progressives. As the data pours in, it is clear it was not. Speaker Nancy Pelosi learned that the hard way two years ago.

Anyway, 1st citizen Obama is ready to take center stage - let our long national nightmare begin.

Cordially

Joe