Trash Talkin'

If some guy were to ask you "What is wet waste?" you would probably think of Ted Kennedy, or soiled diapers - or Ted Kennedy in soiled diapers (sorry for the unfortunate mental image that will now forever be emblazoned in your head).

You can imagine the cognitive dissonance that occurred when that very question was posed to me in the form of a glossy pamphlet provided by our provincial government. For those of you who already live in provinces or states where the "green police" are in full, jack-booted operation, you're probably already enduring the daily drudgery of "garbage separation". For the uninitiated, dry garbage has to go in a blue bag, and wet garbage in a green one. It's annoying and yucky, and has no discernable effect that can be proved for the environment.

Now, let me be clear. I'm not one of those folks from the "black helicopter" crowd, who have stock piles of canned goods and fire arms in the basement, waiting for the next coming of Stalin incarnate. However, I don't like the government in my garbage. The provincial government is already trying to dictate what my stepdaughter can bring for lunch, and has even gone so far as to ban the sale of cookie dough for school fundraisers, claiming it promotes poor eating habits.

I can tolerate the government running endless ads encouraging people to eat more green leafy vegetables and tofu frittata. What I cannot tolerate is some sand-poundingly stupid provincial legislator who spent way too many lunch breaks in high school at the model UN club policing what my children eat, and by proxy, what I eat - and most of all, where I put my garbage.

My girlfriend and I spend a lot of our time working with addicts and alcoholics. It's our choice. It's a cause to which we choose to devote time. No government regulation is forcing us to help deal with a health problem much more serious than eating cookie dough or putting banana peels in the wrong garbage bag.

If you want to eat healthier, or waste your time putting used tampons in the same bag as the carrot peels, knock yourself out - just stay the hell out of my garbage.

Cordially

Joe