He Came, He Conquered, He Ate 59 Hot Dogs

From Fox News;

A California man smashed the world record for hot dog eating at a contest Saturday, gobbling

up more than 59 franks in 12 minutes.

Joe Chestnut, 22, of San Jose, shattered the record held by Takeru Kobayashi of Japan by downing 59 1/2 "HBDs" — hot dogs and buns — during the Southwest Regional Hot Dog

Eating Championship at the Arizona Mills Mall in suburban Tempe.

Kobayashi's old record of 53 3/4 was set last year at Nathan's Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog

Eating Contest, held at Coney Island in New York, said George Costos, who helps runs the

regional contests for Nathan's.

Chestnut placed second in last year's world championships, consuming 52 hot dogs.

"He's unbelievable — he just keeps on going," said Ryan Nerz, who works for Major League

Eating, which he describes as "a world governing board for all stomach-centric sports."

"These guys' numbers have just been going up at a tremendous clip," Nerz said. "I always

thought there was a limit — a limit to the human stomach and a limit to human willpower

— but guess not."

Chestnut won a free trip to New York, a year's supply of hot dogs and a $250 gift card to the

mall.

The Obama-Clinton Two-Step

I know. As you've noticed we are having formatting problems again.

Why? I don't know. I should know because this isn't exactly rocket science,

but I'm a writer, not a techno-nerd. Back in the day, before blogs, face book,

and myspace, came along and ruined the party, I had a flashy web-site, with

a web master who understood all the technical stuff. Look how pretty it was!

Alas, those days are gone, and my web master was last seen wandering the streets

aimlessly, looking for boot-legged copies of David Hasselhoff CD's, and asking for hair samples from strangers for his "collection".

Anyway, back to the important stuff.

Curious how to the two top dogs in the Democratic presidential show down

were on the stump, promising that they would not cut off funding to the

troops, and then turned around and did just that, voting against their

own party, and showing the height of disregard for the safety of the men and woman in uniform serving in Iraq.

On Jan 17th, Senator Clinton said

"I am not going to cut American troops' funding...they're in harm's way".

But that's exactly what she did.

Senator Obama made similar overtures, only to turn around and vote

no as well.

Both made highly staged, last minute appearances in the senate chamber

to milk as much drama as possible. Their irresponsibility only eclipsed by

their desire for political showmanship, to pander to the extreme left of

the party.

Even as an outside observer, it sounded smart. Swing hard left in time for

the primaries, then pull to the center in the general election...but the move

seems to have backfired. Even Cindy Sheehan, who has become the centrifuge

and spokesperson for opposition to the war, officially announced this morning

that she was breaking ranks with the Democratic party.

And the political cross-fire is not only coming from Republicans. In a statement

today, Democratic Senator, Joe Biden, who supported the funding, criticized both

candidates;

“As long as there are troops who are in a position where, if we don’t fund them they are going

to be hurt, I’m not going to cut off funding,” Biden said during a meeting with Des Moines

Register editors and reporters “That’s what the other candidates said too, but they changed their mind.”

Cordially

Joe

Drowning the Lady in the Water

What happens when a scrunt tries to attack a Narf? It gets attacked by

a tzurdchyx of course! What's a scrunt? A vicious wolf-like creature

with hair made of slimy grass whose only purpose is to attack the Narfs, silly.

What's a tzurdchyx? You don't know? A vicious monkey like creature, with hair

made of slimy grass whose only purpose is to attack a scrunt, should it try to

attack a Narf, on one very special night.

What special night you ask? Good lord! Are you really that daft? Well, if I must.

You see, once a Narf finds a human receiver called "the vessel", it can return home,

carried off by a giant eagle. If a scrunt messes with a Narf on a night like that...well,

it's real bad news for the scrunt, once the tzurdchyx's get hold of it. Very bad new

indeed.

If you're still confused, you won't find any of the answers in M. Night Shymalan's, latest,

"The Lady in the Water". If anything, if you've been a fan of Mr Shymalan's

talent at slight of hand plot twists, and suspected that a downward spiral was

immanent after the abysmal "The Village", your suspicions will be confirmed,

and you will probably a little saddened if you saw the promise in Mr Shymalan's

first three interesting films.

As I promised in an earlier blog, I abandoned full length movie reviews,

for these little, mini-cinnamon bun reviews, so what you've read already

is 3/4 of the review.

The film opens with a narrator thrusting an improbable fairy tale upon

us, illustrated with animations of what appear to be Kokopelli figures,

telling us of time when "those of the sea, and those and land lived together".

Until, of course, those on land started ignoring those from the sea.

The sea dwellers, (or Narfs), packed up and left, and the land dwellers

stayed back to make war and live in misery because they stopped

listening to the Narfs. (if you can stand to pay attention, you'll probably

understand why they stopped listening. Narf's don't say very much, and

when they do, they rarely make sense.)

...but...the narrator tells us that a special Narf will return to and make contact

with a "Vessell", a special land-lubber who will change the world and make

it a hands across America, place to live. Aside from a few moments, when

the film's protagonist, the formidable Paul Giamatti, has his diary pilfered

through by the nosy little Narf, there is little in the way of character development.

The actors seem to just drop out of the sky and we are simply asked to

accept their quirkiness for no other reason then that this is a fairy tale, and

it's just not that important.

Mr Shymalan seems to want to tell us as much in the form of an allegorical film critic

staying at the hotel who seems to wink and nudge at us, on behalf of

Mr. Shymalan, as if to say "hey, I know this is bad, just roll with it".

This film is silly, sloppy, and poorly plotted. If that weren't enough, Mr. Shymalan,

who, like Stephen King, likes to make neat little cameos in his films, decides

to cast himself in the role of the vessel. A writer who will sacrifice himself

publishing a great work of literature that no one will understand until years later.

Because....you see...no one gets it...you see...it's just to deep...get it?

This film is deep all right. Deep as the pit of an outhouse, and after watching

it, you'll find similar contents the bottom.

Cordially

Joe

The Hype is Ripe

As many of my old school readers know, (those who have been reading
The Straight Hype in its various incarnations since 1999), I will do anything
to promote the site. Call me a literary prostitute of sorts, willing to strut the
junk in my trunk on any cyber corner, for those sweet, sweet web hits.

Now when I say "promote", I mean "step right up, little lady", carnival barking,
and not selling out my political beliefs or integrity - though I am guilty of having
said some highly inflammatory things. (those of you may remember the fire storm
I created in Halifax, when I referred to the Andrea Yates, quintuple infanticide as
"Bob for the apple medieval style").

That being said, call it fate, providence, happenstance, or just dumb good look,

the The Straight Hype has been picking up steam. We were briefly listed in Google's

"Blogs of Note", and we were linked by Technorati for our mentions of James Bowman's

new book. We've also received some great links and favorable words from some of the

bigger fish in the blog pond, like Ace Smith over at Idle Ruminations.

What does this all mean? The beginning of the rapture? Well, not quite, but

it does mean that we are slowly, but surely becoming a mid-sized fish in the

pond.

Now, curious as may seem, as I have dissected many of today's salient issues,

such as the liberation of Iraq, the North Korean threat, and George Tenet's new

book, I never thought that a post about a man who slept with a goat would suddenly

make us everyones hot link. First off, it's the only post in the entire blog that I actually

didn't write myself. Second, it's about a guy who partakes in the love that dare

not speak it's name with a farm animal, and is later forced by a court to marry the

goat - a goat who shortly after the alleged incident took place, gives birth to a kidd

(the goat later wandered off into the village and choked to death on a plastic bag).

What does all this mean? If it's true that a society can best be judged by how it

entertains itself, well, then I guess it means that deep down inside, in the places

we don't like to talk about, we like stories about drunk guys who do unspeakable

things to goats in the middle of the night. (shudder)

Don't get used to it. This is an off the cuff, quasi-political/personal journal site. So

if you want more man and beast lovin' - you'll have to google it and have a credit card

ready.

Cordially

Joe

For the Love of A Goat...A Dead Goat

From Fox News;

Charles Tombe just may be the world's most unique widower.

The Sudanese man's bizarre story first came to light more than a year ago when a newspaper in
his hometown of Juba reported that he had been caught having sexual relations with... a goat.
Tombe was arrested, and later told a Sudanese judge that he was drunk at the time and didn't
realize what he'd done.

The judge, however, relying on tribal law, passed judgment and equated Tombe's crime with
that of a man caught sleeping with an unmarried girl, who would be ordered to marry her
immediately to protect her honor and that of her family.

The judge, therefore ordered Tombe to pay the owner of the goat — named Rose — a dowry
of 15,000 Sudanese dinars (about $50 at the time) — and marry the goat.

Hand-and-hoof, the two returned to Tombe's home.

"The idea was to publicly embarrass the man," says Tom Rhodes, editor of the Juba Post,
which first ran the story.

Shortly after Tombe brought Rose back to his Juba home, the black-and-white goat gave
birth to a male kid.

Villagers, meanwhile, started calling Tombe "The Goat Man," a title he so loathed that he kept
to himself, allowing Rose to roam local streets, where it is believed she ate a plastic bag, choked
and died this week.

Unlike the Anna Nicole Smith custody battle, however, there's no controversy involving the
"couple's" offspring: Tombe gets to keep the kid.

The BBC and more than 1 million Google hits contributed to this report.

Cordially

Joe

Oh Joe, What Hath Thou Done

Did you ever tell your 6 year old not to touch the flashing button on the

VCR, but the little brat does it anyway, despite warnings of a time out,

or a royal flogging. Well, the mess you now find my blog in, is a result of

the same syndrome, after one simple click of a button that promised to

spruce up the site with some good old fashioned, jazz hands, razzle-dazzle.

What I got was an irreparable, post-apocalyptic formatting wreckage. I've tried

everything, even manually editing my old posts, and they still come up looking like

pages from the uni bomber manifesto. I'm trying everything, so be patient, and

hopefully, someone who has permission to use sharp scissors and can leave the house

without a chaperon will be able to save me.

My girlfriend, so I hear, in an attempt to showcase my writing to her sister,
typed in my blog, and was confronted by this visual eye sore. My apologies to
any first time visitors. Please don't leave with the impression that conservatives
can't do technology. We can. It just shouldn't be left in the hands of someone
like me.

Anyway, on deck, I'm planning to take on CNN's Iraq correspondent Peter Ford,
who also doubles as a writer for Christian Science Monitor. As left leaning as
CNN is, I can't understand how they can continue to employ this fellow, and keep
a straight face. He's essentially an anti-war blogger with microphone, who uses
his allotted time to slip in his sniveling anti-American rubbish. But, we'll deal
with our dear friend Peter another time.

Again, have a wonderful weekend.

UPDATE: Since this post, I have managed to fix our formatting problems,

proving once again that I am the Forrest Gump of computing.

Cordially

Joe

Weekend Update

First off, sorry for the formatting on the Tenet post. I've tried just about

everything, and I can't get it to format correctly. I'm sure there's a way,

but I am mildly retarded, and easily distracted by bright lights - so I hope

you'll forgive the soupy mess, and appreciate the content.

My main concern when I wrote about Tenet, was that the post might come off

as a criticism of the war, the administration, or worse, some sort of defence

of that sniveling little rat, Richard Perle. If you got that impression, my apologies.

Tenet's intelligence reports, and his recent distancing from those reports, were

one of many factors that prompted the United States to liberate Iraq, and though

their validity has come into question, it in no way, delegitimized the war, or the grounds

on which it was launched. Tenet is a baffoon, and a disengenuous carnival barker.

Anyway, I'm going to be away from the hub city for the weekend, so I'm not sure

if I'll be posting.

Just a reminder that my hotmail account is no longer in service and all correspondence

should now be directed to my secondary account - joeleger@columnist.com

Have a good weekend, and remember, bookmark The Straight Hype and send

it to all your friends. Bring it up during conversation, write it on cocktail napkins!

Hell, approach complete strangers in the mall and shout out the URL to them

until they promise to mass email it to all their relatives.

Take care and God bless.

Cordially

Joe

Whiners of Mass Disfunction

It's been a good year for first time authors, especially if you're a self

proclaimed, former administration insider, screaming; "If only they

would have listened to me!"

Latest in the seemingly never ending stream of such tomes, is "At the Center

of the Storm", by ex CIA director George Tenet. Tenet, the man who first

used the phrase "slam dunk," to describe the case against Saddam Hussein, and later awarded

the medal of freedom, is now crying foul. In a 60 minutes interview, Mr. Tenet

claimed the administration hung him out to dry, and with a true touch of Clintonian

triangulation, further claimed they misrepresented what he meant by "slam dunk".

If memory serves correct, Tenet was full of chest puffing, self aggrandizing, back

patting, when he sat behind Colin Powell at the United Nations, as Powell detailed

the very case for war the CIA, under the authority of Tenet himself, had prepared.

Let's look at two of Tenet's primary claims, and what actually happened, to see if they
pass the logic test.

1-Tenet claims that on September 12th, 2001, he met Richard Perle at the White
House where Perle told him that Iraq would be punished for it's role in 9/11.

Fact - Richard Perle was in France at the time.

2-Tenet claims that the connection between Saddam and al Qaeda is pure
fiction.

Fact - On October 2002, in a letter to Bob Graham, Tenet wrote;

A- "We have solid reporting of senior level contacts between Iraq and
al-Qa’ida going back a decade”

B- “We have solid evidence of the presence in Iraq of al-Qa’ida members,
including some that have been in Baghdad"

C - “We have credible reporting that al-Qa’ida leaders sought contacts in
Iraq who could help them acquire WMD capabilities”


It would seem that on the surface, the only mistake made was keeping Tenet on at the

helm of the CIA for so long. As for Tenet, his integrity sells to the tune of a 4 million

dollar book advance.

Cordially

Joe

Manners and Glue

I live by a certain antiquated axiom, as I believe that the very best of

what we are comes from the remaining vestiges of the honor culture that

James Bowman, wrote so eloquently about in his marvelous book,

"Honor a History".

That axiom, or "mantra" if you are inclined to be slightly more liberal
minded then I am, is this; "Manners are the glue that hold society together".

I am used to being carpet bombed by angry leftists, who write into my blog,
hidden behind the safety of their computers, expressing their displeasure at
my pro-American, pro-administration, 2nd amendment flag waving. That
comes with being a blogger, or more precisely, a conservative blogger with
libertarian leanings. (confused yet? Me too. My conservative-libertoid struggles
cause sleepless nights. Well, not really, but anyway).

Recently, Vice President Chenney was attacked by Senate Majority leader
Harry Reid, calling him an "attack dog". Afterwards, in a classic demonstration of
Democratic hypocrisy, he pompously asserted that he would "not engage in
name calling". It reminded me a little of a guy who goes to the "all you can eat
shrimp night", stays for three hours, eats more than his share, embarrasses
his wife - then, at the end of the night, unbuckles his belt and says; "I couldn't
possibly eat another bite". As this blog is being written, the Democratic controlled
senate, in a spineless bit of political posturing, passed the Iraq war spending bill,
but not before they loaded it with an arbitrary, and unrealistic time line for troop
withdrawal. President Bush is expected to veto the bill, as he should.

The hill is getting nasty, and I'm not absolving the Republicans completely, but
they, by far, show far more decorum then there counterparts.

Society in general seems to have lost it's manners as well. I hear a lot more "give
me that", in the course of day, than, "Would you please pass that to me".
We also seem to have forgotten words like "thank you", "excuse me", "may I",
and most of all, "please".

Now, you may be the Earl of Etiquette, or the Duchess of Dignity, but don't
pat yourself on the back too quickly, sport. The true measure of a person's manners
isn't qualified by how you treat friends, nice neighbors, and the pretty Tim Horton's
girl with the stunning smile that could stop traffic.

The true test of one's manners comes when you're confronted with the other
Tim Horton's girl, who would impale you with the bagel knife, and scorch your crotch
with your double-double, if your car wasn't so far from the drive through window.
It's when you grit your teeth, and say thank you with a smile, despite the fact the she
dropped most of your change on the pavement and looked as if she would murder your
grandmother, just for asking for an extra napkin.

That's why are parents used to tell us to; "mind your manners" - something I rarely
hear as a parental admonishment anymore.

My father once said that integrity is what you do when no one is looking, and a
similar logic holds true when it comes to manners. I'll defer to the words of the learned
Mr Bowman'

"Honor and manners — treating people according to their legitimate expectations of
respect and consideration — have always gone together, and it’s not coincidental that
the decline of the one has coincided with the decline of the other. The problem isn’t just
that people are so often ill-mannered but that they are ill-mannered on principle — namely
the principle of personal and emotional authenticity. They have learned to think that it is
hypocrisy to conceal their emotions, even when these are offensive and ugly to those who
are forced to witness them."

Cordially

Joe

Lost in Virginia

On Monday, Cho Seung-Hui, a 23 year old senior

majoring in English, armed with a 9 mm and

a .22-caliber handgun, murdered 32 students

on the Virgina Tech Campus, before turning the

gun on himself. The media has already begun a

veritable feeding frenzy, barely able to restrain

their explosive post-Anna Nicole Smith glee.

Armed with microphones and very important

hair, on the spot correspondents were

in full tilt boogie mode into the wee hours of the

morning, speculating on the unknowns, and

trotting out a cornucopia of self-proclaimed

"campus security experts", who

assured us that, had they been at the helm of the doomed ship Virginia Tech, things

would have been very different. Protocols would have followed, the campus would have

shut down, and even text messages would have been sent to the students en mass, warning

them that an unknown gunman was on the verge of a full scale rampage.

Baloney. No security protocol, even one involving the combined police forces of the
entire state of Virginia could have succeeded in preventing this horrific incident, and
to have the arrogance to presume otherwise, is at best, naive, and worst, disingenuous
self aggrandizing.

Jack Dunphy, the pseudonym of the hard nose LAPD columnist opined as much on the
pages of NRO, where he wrote;

"There are evil people in the world, and no amount of laws will make them any
less so.There may be a level of security that would deter a suicidal maniac from
carrying out the kind of horrors seen on the Virginia Tech campus Monday morning,
but I doubt anyone would want to attend the school that implemented it. "

Cordially

Joe