Saturday, September 01, 2007

Breaking News

OK, well maybe not in the anchor interrupting fashion, with that fancy graphic, and specially composed orchestra music that informs us that
Senator A, or B was caught in the back seat of a car doing unspeakable
things to his pet dog Sparky, or when Paris Hilton gets pulled over for
taking her SUV out for a 100 mile per hour Sunday drive hopped up
on Xanax and Crown Royal-but to me this is breaking news. You see, my girlfriend Claire is coming home from Toronto after 2 months, and I missed her and love her so much.

I know, my readers expect more from me, than the idle ramblings about
my personal life that they could care less about. They want today's salient
issues dissected with a conservative-libertarian take, filled with wit, and
humor. So as my readers (all 3, they have fan club meetings in a phone booth),
are the life-blood of this organ , I shall not disappoint!

After much anticipation, speculation, and a war chest that hardly seems adequate
to enter into a hotly contested Republican field, the Thompson campaign has
officially announced that Claire is coming home today...oops, sorry.

Anyway, the media's castration of Senator Craig, though his actions are disgraceful,
seem somewhat hypocritical. Senator Craig was arrested and convicted of
trying to solicit an undercover male officer for a little slap in tickle in the
men's bathroom of an airport. Craig was never sentenced to jail time, but
infuriated his colleagues by suggesting he was entrapped, and was actually
only trying to pick up toilet paper. (I'm not kidding). Craig remained steadfast
in his refusals to resign, despite pressure from colleagues, but has finally
caved under pressure, and will announce later today that Claire is coming
home. Oh crap I did it again.

OK. Today, after two years of increasingly cold-war style actions by
ex-KGB thug, and current Russian President, Vladimir Putin, a Russian
spokesperson has announced that Claire is coming home today.

Oh forget it. I'm too pumped.

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