but if the current trend continues, I'm sure to be shedding my temporary
fat pants, and back into my pin striped, slim-jims in no time.
On Saturday morning, while munching on toast, I was informed of the
President's colonoscopy. Now, that doesn't gross me out, and I took
a certain glee that during the 2 hours that President Bush was
under anaesthesia, my man Dick Cheney was at the helm. (I can imagine
the hordes of unshaved Birkenstock clad liberals, dashing down to
Martha's Vineyard to hold each other.)
As I stated, the colonoscopy didn't turn me away from my Wonder bread,
it was the medical expert whom they selected that went into great
detail about how far this electronic probe would be inserted into poor
President Bush's colon.
After recovering from the details of the President's anus (everyone loves to chat
about poop over breakfast), I was lulled into a false sense of security and
after the commercial break, I was bombarded with stories and images
of the cruel things people do to puppies and animals. Lovely. It's not
even 8:30 AM.
Sure, the Fox morning team can cause me to want to cry as well.
There are only so many cute animal stories I can endure - like clips
of a deer running amok in someone's backyard set to "Flight if the
But at least Fox has the courage to call a spade a spade, and label "insurgents"
and "suicide bombers" as terrorists. They're not afraid to call pedophiles - creeps,
or uncover ramped corruption at the UN, which is being covered in every other
country across the world, except the United States.
If Anderson Cooper was so concerned about "Keeping Them Honest", as
his nightly segment so pompously asserts, perhaps he should wake up and
realize that he is not going to be crowned the Patron Saint of New Orleans, and
that no government policy can prevent natural disasters, or the mess they create
in their aftermath. Bad things happen Anderson. Hurricanes, the mess in New
Orleans and politicians wasting tax dollars are hardly headline news. Why
don't you stop trekking around the rain forest in your designer LL Bean cargo
shorts, rumpled just so by your producers, and start digging into the oil
for food scandal at the UN, that has affected more lives across more
continents than any other pedantic scandal you seem obsessed with.
Anyway, I'm off on a dinner date with 3 lady friends of mine, (yes
my girlfriend in the big city is aware of this), so I wish you all a