Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy New Year (and why Wolfe Blitzer should auction his kidney on EBay!)

Happy 2007, which aside from the Iraqi people's quick and efficient
dispatch of Saddam "soap on a rope" Hussein, arrived without so much
as a whimper. The most excitement was my rematch with yet another
gastro intestinal virus, which had me grasping both sides of the toilet
bowl, like a rodeo cowboy trying desperately not to be knocked off of
his bull.

Quite a contrast to the year 2000, or Y2K, when people where stocking
up on canned goods and flashlights, waiting for the count of 12:00, which
would set into motion a cataclysmic chain of events that would have planes
falling out of the sky, and computer's malfunctioning worldwide. Many people
thought that Jan 1st, 2000, would usher in the beginning of a new Mad-Max society
were we would be using rag torches for light, and weaker family members for food.
Nothing happened, which was a sad moment for those of us who thought the
micro chip implanted in Al Gore's head would explode like a scene in Scanners.
Of course, even if the apocalyptic prophesies had come true, Mr Gore's head
would have been quiet safe from combustion, as pressure cannot exist within
a vacuum.

No real resolutions on the table for '07, expect I pledge to do more stuff,
instead of just talking about doing stuff - like trying to persuade Wolfe
Blitzer to sell one of his kidney's on EBay, in a mad kidney for profit scheme.
I just have to convince Mr. Blitzer of the cash windfall that would result
in the auctioning of his kidney, and of course, convincing EBay of the short
sightedness of their policy restricting the sale of human organs.

A few predictions though.

1 - I predict the media will spend the early part of the year making the
bogus argument that the execution of Saddam Hussein sparked an up swell of
violence in the region. Like crazy jihadists need any more motivation
to kill American troops and slaughter innocent civilians.

2 - I predict that retro-packaging will be all the rave.

3 - I predict that James Bowman's "Honor A History" will
be a run-away best seller.

4 - I predict that after a string of financial misadventures, Wolfe Blitzer will see the brilliance
of my kidney for profit scheme, and pony up his kidney.

5- I predict Ace will do more blogging, and by a strange chain of events, become
a force in the tournament poker world.

6- I predict that my baby and I will set a wedding date and live happily ever after.

7 - I predict that toast will enjoy a brief re-resurgance in popularity as a mid-day snack option.

8 - I predict that The Straight Hype will be on everyone's bookmark list.

Happy New Year



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