Friday, June 27, 2008

Weekend Inferno

First off, thank you all for the concern you've expressed over my illness, but really, it was nothing serious. I have not come down with dyspepsia, shingles, or the avian flu. I didn't travel anywhere where you have to boil your water, and I didn't lay a sloppy one on the passenger next to me on a flight back from China. It was a run of the mill case of the flu, so please don't be concerned, and stop sending wreaths to my house - they're starting to rot.

Ever rip the backside of your jeans on casual day at work? I did. I felt a draft. It was the first sign. The second sign, aside from the ear piercing rip, was that some of my colleagues were seeing a lot more of me then they would have cared to. I had to zip off to the store to get a new pair of jeans, which I needed anyway. That's the thing with a favourite pair of jeans - you tend to wear them until they rip like thunder, or blow away like dandelion spores. Not pleasant. Anyway, you may now call me "thunderpants" if you would like.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm working on an Obama piece, but I want it to be air tight, like Barney's Frank's bloated ass, or that lady at the bus stop whose feet are swollen because she's retaining too much water. What makes Obama's past disturbing are not the rodents that are coming out of the woodwork, but the collective and radical beliefs they all hold. Obama seems to be on a daily filibuster express where he's constantly dissociating himself from segregationists, people who still believe in eugenics, and creepy slum lords who are now in the slammer. The Senator from Illinois keeps throwing his hands in the air claiming; "I didn't know these people held these repugnant views". As my new piece will point out, to believe that, the Senator would have to be extremely naive and/or stupid, or a back stabbing liar and con artist. Whether you check box A or B, it casts serious doubt on his fitness to be Commander in Chief. He's also getting sloppy on the stump, and reports are surfacing that he's useless without a teleprompter or prepared remarks. McCain is starting to go in for the kill, and the media have been strangely distancing themselves from their beloved golden boy, which leads me to believe they're sitting on something they're reluctant to throw at him...for now.

Anyway, I've got company coming, and the lovely Miss Claire and I have to get ready to be the half-assed hosts we're famously known for - but before you hit the X, enjoy the hypnotic Regina Spektor singing Samson from her latest album "Begin to Hope"

Have a good weekend.



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