Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Edbama and the Tale of Two Americas

Just last week, Mr. "Two Americas" and former shifty trial lawyer Sen. John Edwards proclaimed he was above the fray and refused to support either Senator Obama or Senator Clinton. Mr Edwards claimed that he would spend his weighty (snicker) "political capital" (snicker) on issues he cares about - the chief among these being, I presume, suing doctors. But lo! Today, in a whip-lash inducing change of heart, Mr Edwards has decided that his "political capital" is still for sale to the highest bidder, and threw his support behind Senator Obama. Mr. Edwards, as you may recall, was the running mate of the effete New England Socialite and former Presidential candidate Senator John Kerry. Why the change of heart? It appears Senator Edwards believes that, and I quote; “There is one man who knows in his heart that it is time to create one America — not two — and that man is Barack Obama.”.

Those of you familiar with Edward's populist shtick will remember his failed presidential campaign slogan of "Two Americas". One half was made up coatless children and legless men living in the backwoods of forgotten America (I am not kidding, he's said this stuff) - the other half was made up of those greedy oil executives, HMO's, and "the rich". Greedy trial lawyers seem to have gotten an exemption and must live in some magical "Third America".

As we all know, Senator Obama has still not announced a running mate, and this is Senator Edwards' subtle way of saying "OOH! OOH!! PICK ME! PICK ME!"

Edwards is a first rate moron and political kryptonite. His support carries about as much weight as a bag of cotton candy. Obama's momentum is slowing down enough without adding the likes of a populist scare monger to his ticket to add any further drag - so naturally, we welcome the news of John Edwards' endorsement.

In other news, my intrepid editor and loving girlfriend Claire and I will be off to Boston, Washington DC, and Virginia starting May 22nd for 7 days. Are we going dark on the site? No I say! We will be providing photos, commentary, and, hopefully, Wolfe Blitzer's kidney in my on going effort to convince the avuncular newscaster of the revenue windfall that would be realized by auctioning the aforementioned kidney on E-Bay in a mad kidney for profit scheme.

Have a great weekend, see you in Virginia.



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