Not So Sleepless in Seattle

Sorry for the lapse in posting, but I'm preparing for a trip to Vancouver and Seattle, getting ready for my driver's exam, procuring documents to annul my marriage from ten years ago with the Catholic church, and waging a tireless campaign to return toast to it's rightful place as the mid-afternoon snack of choice.

Actually, I've been more than a little lax, but between root canals and my job as a diuretics tester, I've been a little busy. I shall try and make a commitment to re-double my efforts to keep up to date with the latest in politics, bizarre news, and my usual conservative quasi-libertarian rantings.

Rudy Giuliani seems to be keeping a comfortable 10 point lead ahead of Fred Thompson, who - though it's early - just isn't living up to the part. Giuliani made a gutsy move by appearing in front of a jam packed auditorium of social conservatives. Giuliani received a positive reception from the crowd after a shaky start, and Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council noted that "He won simply by coming. He helped himself, he certainly didn't lose any ground". The pro-choice Giuliani has come under much criticism from social and religious conservatives, but assured the audience that he would work to reduce the number of abortions, and reminded them of his record of ridding New York of porn merchants and defending religious freedom. Social conservatives are warming to the idea of Giuliani as an acceptable candidate in a general election.

And of course, what weekend update would be complete without some entirely unrelated and bizarre story that seems to be the main attraction of this site, aside from my weekly whipping of CNN's resident Christ off the Cross, saviour of the world, and self-proclaimed "journalist" Anderson Cooper. Anyway, if last month saw a spate of strange elephant related deaths, October saw a rise in fatalities due to drunken urination. A 40-year-old man, somewhat inebriated, attempting to urinate into the River Bulbourne in Hemel, Hempstead, England, fell in and drowned. A 58-year-old man stood up in his boat to urinate while fishing and fell into a lake near Farmington, N.M. He also drowned. And finally, a train driver in Berlin, Germany, apparently attempting to urinate out of a door at 70 mph, fell to his death.

Have a good weekend, and watch where you piss.

Cordially

Joe

(PS - I don't know who the drunk guy in the photo is, but for those of you who are worried, it's not me. I haven't fallen off the wagon - but many years ago, I'm sure there were lots of nights when I looked like that poor fool)

Asleep At the Wheel in Michigan

Katherine Jean Lopez commented on National Review Online that had Fred Thompson been unable to name the Prime Minister of Canada, it would have hardly caused a blip on the radar screen outside of the beltway. After all, the debate was held at four in the afternoon, and a Republican debate on economics is far from what I would call high octane action. The debate was about as exhilarating as listening to Al Gore drone on about polar ice caps, and listening to Ralph Nader extolling the virtues of air bags could conceivably be the only other possible scenario that could have created such intellectual sedation. Mitt Romney's CEO of America shtick was an almost insurmountable obstacle in the belly of a union card carrying Democratic enclave such as Michigan. His performance was passable, if somewhat over scripted, and he can thank his lucky Mormon stars that the other candidates did not verbally cannibalize him for uttering the sand-poundingly stupid remark that he would consult with lawyers prior to exercising his executive privilege under the War Powers Act. The other camps tried to play catch up on Romney's flub the next day in a flurry of press releases, but it was too late to capitalize on the momentum.

Thompson's trepidatious toe-dipping in his first presidential debate proved that, thus far, he is not living up to the conservative media's hype that he is the second coming of Reagan. Perhaps it is to his advantage that the debate provoked little interest, so he could have the opportunity to stretch his political sea legs outside of the glare of a larger and more engaged audience that surely will follow in a debate with a broader forum broadcast on CNN or Fox.

Though many pundits opined that Thompson had won the debate on substance, Giuliani once again won on style and sheer presence. Giuliani exudes the ease and confidence of a winner and a veteran of the ruthless New York press core, though some of this can be attributed to Chris Matthews' almost sycophantic adoration of Rudy that was - at best - unprofessional, and - at worst - blatant favoritism. At times it seemed that he and Giuliani were discussing the value of baseball cards over beers at the local pub.

McCain seemed grumpy, and at times almost annoyed. The acoustics in the building were so unfavorable that several questions had to be repeated, though he partially redeemed himself from seeming old and senile by being self-deprecating and managing to squeak out some of the few laughs of the night.

As for the rest of the field, they are slowly but surely being pushed further to the back of the pecking order, and even the folksy and engaging Mike Huckabee seems to be realizing that his admirable and well fought grassroots campaign is running out of steam.

The only standout amongst the Last of the Republican Mohican's were the incoherent and bizarre ramblings of Dr Ron Paul. Paul came off like a crazed mental patient who had escaped from a seniors day trip to the bowling alley and had somehow stumbled onstage. At times he appeared so agitated that he stuttered like Porky Pig after spending the night in a crack house. Judging by his quasi-populist left-leaning rhetoric, he will no doubt soon be begging about the current crop of Democratic contenders looking for a VP spot as a token Republican on a Democratic presidential ticket.

All in all, after an hour and twenty minutes of, at times, nauseating pandering to union Democrats, I think little was gained for any of the front-runners, except for the fact that they did themselves no harm. And in politics, sometimes that's more than enough to pay the bills.

Cordially,

Joe

Skunked

Ever get sprayed by a skunk? We did, meaning Claire, myself, and Sammy the
wonder dog who caught the worst of the little bastard's spray bomb.

The dog smells like an egg that's been sitting in the sun all week, the house smells like a Pakistani pay toilet, and Claire and I smell like tomato juice and poo. Really pleasant.

I failed my driver's exam, so you can allow your children and the elderly to roam freely
about the neighbourhood until the next time I attempt to write it. The problem was that
I studied the "required distances" portion in feet, and they asked for the answers in
meters. Now, because I am A - mildly retarded, and B - a liberal arts major, I "skunked"
the exam - even though there was a conversion chart pasted on the wall directly in
front of me. I completely neglected a useful piece of information that was obvious
to everyone - kind of like Anderson Cooper.

More to come

Cordially

Joe

Driving Miss Crazy

Tomorrow I'm going for my drivers test. My beginner's license, which means

should I pass the Provincial Government's written test, I will have my class

7.1 licence, permitting me to drive whilst in the company of another passenger

with a valid driver's licence for the period of one year, at which point, I

will take the next step of attempting to pass final the driver's exam.

Now you may ask; "How come you're 34 and don't have your license?

Are you retarded, lazy, or both?" To which I would respond, yes, yes,

and absolutely. Really, considering I was perpetually drunk for a large

portion of my life, I'm grateful that I was never careening wildly behind

the wheel of a motor vehicle, 3 sheets to the wind, blasting Eva Cassidy

CD's and whooping like a banshee.

Anyway, am I dreaming, or did I hear something on the Situation

Room regarding Russian bomber jets violating US air space multiple

times today? I was passing by a TV set at work, and I'm sure that's

what I heard Wolf Blitzer saying, but I can't be sure. I tried to check

all the major network news websites, but apparently Britney Spears custody

woes are of more pressing concern to national security. If the story

is true, this is an extremely foreboding incident. Ex-KGB honcho

and current Russian President Vladimir Putin has been slowly turning

back the clock to the days of the Gulag and violent crack downs on dissidents

(some of this is happening already). If you know anything, post a comment

or email me so I can do some follow up on the blog.

Happy hunting, and after 10 tomorrow, stay off streets, sidewalks,

parking lots, and your front lawn. I'm going to be driving for the first

time in 34 years. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Cordially

Joe

What Was That? A New Blog Post?

Missed going to an AA meeting this week, through nothing but my own
laziness. Not that I'm craving running out to the nearest liquor store to
buy 12 bottles of Malt liquor and re-enact scenes from Gladiator
in my living room using a spatula for a sword and a spaghetti strainer
as a cod piece (my props to Jonah Goldberg). Nevertheless, I have
to hit a meeting tomorrow.

Spent the weekend at the cottage (as mentioned earlier), where I lived
it up Hugh Hefner style, parading around in PJ's and a bathrobe, napping
in the afternoon, reading, and smoking constantly (minus the hot tub and
the games room - but there was a stand up shower and a scrabble board with
some of the letters missing).

A got a few big links this week. They were brief but noteworthy, including
Foxnews, and some dude from XM radio. Who thought that taking a few
pot shots at everyone's favourite, vacuous bobble head Anderson Cooper,
would generate so much traffic to the site? It's like you just whisper the name
Anderson Cooper, and you get plastered all over Google. Not that I would
connivingly paste the name Anderson Cooper all over a blog post just to get web
hits. I mean, it's the blog that's important and not Anderson Cooper.

Anyway, an interesting debate is to be had over how early the election campaign
gets into swing, and my friend and former Co-Editor, Ace Smith, has apparently
gone so far as to refrain from consuming any pre-election news (this is similar
to a period in 1997 when he decided to react violently to anyone who sported
facial hair, and beat the living bejesus out of David Suzuki).

Have some exciting news to announce! My girlfriend Claire has officially
accepted the unofficial title of associate editor, meaning she has the
thankless job of picking through my atrocious punctuation and egregious
spelling, so everyone give her a big Hype welcome.

Have a good week, not sure what's on deck for the coming days, but
keep checking in.

Cordially

Joe

French Fried, and Fun with Fred

First, I want to thank the folks who wrote in to voice their disagreement
over my views on "the Coop". It would be a very boring site indeed
if the only people who wrote in simply sang my praises, or told
me how wonderful I am in bed, or how incredible it is that I
can stuff 50 Cheetos in my mouth without suffocating (most
of the time). If you're commenting, then your taking the time to
read my blog, and I appreciate your patronage enormously
(although I still think Anderson Cooper is a pod person) .

Despite his late start, ignoring Iowa, and bucking all the usual
conventions followed by aspiring presidential candidates, former
Senator Fred Thompson has closed the gap behind front runner
Rudy Giuliani by 4 percentage points in a sampling of national polls.
Senator Thompson has thus far not lived up to the hype his entry
into the race generated, and his public appearances have been well attended,
but lack the folksy energy he is famous for. Perhaps he is still toying
with the media, but eventually, playing too many games in the race
may cost him dearly, unless he comes out swinging in his first debate.

On another note, after almost a century of anti-American schmaltz
coming from those cheese eating surrender monkeys in the land
of 2 hour lunch breaks and baguettes for all, France's new President
Nicolas Sarkozy seems to be turning a new page. During a recent
speech to the UN, Sarkozy broke with his predecessors' long standing
love affair with rogue states, condemning Iran and issuing the following
scathing warning; "There will be no world peace if the international
community shows weakness in the face of proliferation of nuclear
weapons". Happy to see the French coming to their senses. Next
step-daily bathing.

Going to the cottage again this weekend. Claire and I have a long
weekend, and we are celebrating 6 months together. She has been
the most wonderful gift I have ever received. I love her dearly, and
feel privileged to call myself her boyfriend. Love you dear!

Have a wonderful weekend to all, keep reading, and for those of you
who write in, for the love of God, please don't electrocute yourselves
typing emails in the bathtub.

Cordially

Joe

The Last Word on The Coop

It seems that there is nothing I can say to change the minds of

the pseudo-intellectual sycophants that worship at the alter

of the sainted Mr. Cooper.

They find it "laughable" that I don't consider the anchor of

the lowest rated news show in its time slot to be a serious journalist.

They seem unfazed that he would have the audacity to

tell the public that babies were being raped in the Superdome,

without checking his sources. They seem to think

he still has credibility after repeatedly telling the nation

On Jan 3rd, 2006, that all 12 miners trapped in the Sago

mine had survived based solely on the testimony of a

crazed lady, playing with the emotions of millions of

viewers who were watching. He didn't bother to verify

the information with a single official source.

I hold myself to higher standard of journalism, and

I hardly think that spending a week in Iraq posing

in designer cargo shorts, asking inane and simplistic

questions, and one point, being unable to tell

the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite, as

hard hitting journalism.

Perhaps his fan club could explain his exemption

from basic journalistic standards without pointing

the finger at CNN or other networks, but I doubt

they have intellectual fire power to do so. Their

choice in nightly news is proof enough.

It's probably the reason why they never comment

when something is posted on the economy, Korea,

the Libby trial, the border dispute, or the Iowa

straw poll. However when I write about a vapid

anchorman with very important hair, they break

out into a mad frenzy on their laptops. Maybe they'll

comment on something substantive eventually. I'm

sure Anderson will tell them what to think.

Cordially

Joe

Super Cooper

Apparently I upset the apple cart of a few Anderson Cooper fans who

feel that I am somewhat unfair to CNN's golden boy. Perhaps there is

somewhat of a point to be made in the belief that Anderson is just a puppet

of the brain-sucking Trotskytes at CNN, and this is what is holding the

intrepid journalist from covering the real issues that he claims to champion

as though he were Christ off the cross.

Anderson was quick to point out the failures of the Bush Administration,

FEMA, the state of Louisiana, and Mayor Ray Nagen in his Katrina "Keeping

Them Honest" retrospective, but he certainly neglected to hold himself to

the same standard.

During the turbulent days after Katrina hit, Cooper caused no end

of hysteria and sensationalism by making the following claims;

A-Cooper claimed that there were "bands of rapists going block to block"

B-That snipers were shooting at rescue crews.

C-There were "10,000 dead", and "even little babies are being raped"

D- That "Gangs of Rapists were trolling the Superdome", and "bodies

were stacked like cord wood"

These are just a few of the exaggerations, and flat out lies that Cooper

told during the Katrina debacle. ABC alone had over 200 journalists

in the Superdome, and the stories of a Mad Max, post-apocalyptic, hell zone

were completely false.

So did Mr. Cooper address the media's disastrous reporting? Where was

CNN's accountability, and honesty that Anderson purports to uphold?

It seems it was forgotten as Cooper and company engaged in hour after

hour of nauseating back slapping, and self-congratulating.

Anderson Cooper certainly isn't the only one guilty of Katrina mania,

but he seems to stand alone in pompous self absorption, packaged

as objective journalism.

Cordially

Joe

CRAZY WEEKEND UPDATE/ANDERSON COOPER POOPER SCOOPER 2!!

What a week! Anderson Cooper who cares so much about the suffering
of those in New Orleans and Iraq has decided to show his dedication to
"keeping them honest", by devoting his inane, nightly fluff-cast to the latest
OJ Simpson fiasco. It appears the Juice flipped out in a Las Vegas motel
room, under the belief that his one time associates, were trying to rip off
his sports memorabilia. Now, I'm not the sharpest nail in the box, but
I think it's generally a good life strategy not to piss off a double murderer,
while in the confines of a small hotel room. I'm sure the poor people
still reeling from the effects of Katrina are happy that Mr Cooper is
is on top of OJ's legal battles.

In other news, the armless man from Georgia who head-butted a man to
death during a fight over a lady friend, will not be charged with manslaughter.
Perhaps the issue of how they would handcuff him, may have played
a roll in their decision.

Anyway, spent a great weekend at the cottage sleeping, eating, reading

and doing crossword puzzles with the love of my life Claire. Best weekend

ever! Hope your own was as fantastic as mine!

Cordially

Joe

My Old Pal Al

Former Federal Reserve Chairman, and economic policy wonk, Alan Greenspan has a lot to say lately. So much so, that he has written a book entitled "The Age of Turbulence". In the book, he claims the President's Economic and Budget policies have been "irresponsible".

Not so, says long time friend, Vice President Dick Cheney. In an Op Ed piece
in the Wall Street Journal, VP Cheney, whose fondness for Greenspan is apparent
in the article, remembers a breakfast meeting with then President Elect Bush, in
which Greenspan accurately predicted the burst of the so-called "dot com" bubble,
warning then President Clinton, of the economic slow down that was to come in
the technology sector. President Clinton ignored Greenspan's warnings and the
slow down led to a massive recession.

So is Greenspan's assessment of President Bush's fiscal policies on the mark, or
is Mr Greenspan losing his Midas touch?

In his book, Greenspan makes the case that President Bush lacks discipline
and hasn't been aggressive enough in reigning in spending and reducing tax cuts.
True, the President is far from being the second coming of Reagan, but the
600 pound elephant in the room Mr. Greenspan seems to have completely
ignored, is 9/11.

The economic fall out from 9/11 was unprecedented. Within the proceeding 3
months, one million Americans were jobless. Trading was suspended, vacations
cancelled, retail sales slumped, and thousand of flights were cancelled. The economic
impact was swift, and merciless.

Despite these challenges, Cheney asserts that Bush was prudent, but far from
timid, and certainly not irresponsible. Despite the seemingly insurmountable challenges,
President Bush pushed ahead with his tax cuts, prodding the sagging economy forward,
with income to the treasury at 12 to 15% annual increases, and a six year, unprecedented
economic growth spurt.

To be sure, even before 9/11 there was a chorus of conservative voices accusing the
President of not being aggressive enough on the subject of tax cuts, mine being one of them.
But given the challenges of juggling a budget in the midst of a costly war, President Bush
has succeeded where any other President would have failed.

Mr Greenspan may indeed be the Guru of the Federal Reserve, but as for his recent tome,
he has come in a penny short, and a pound shy.

Cordially

Joe