Tumour, or no Tumour?

Apperenty, it's common practice for emergency room doctors to inform
you that you have tumours in your chest, then quickly leave the room
before you can say, "did you just use the word 'tumours'...as in
plural"?

I guess they think it's more fun to diagnose patients in "Deal
or no Deal" style.


"Mr Leger. You have two painful lumps in your chest, we know they're
tumours, but we're not sure if it's serious. We've got your blood work
back, and we've got some ex-rays too. Now...Joe Leger...tumour, or no tumour?"

Good lord man. At least the reckless gambling junkies on Deal or No Deal,
get to pick out of silver cases. I got to pick between grape juice or ice chips
in a glass.

The ex-rays were a real blast. I had to lean forward while holding onto
a metal bar above my head, half bent over with my ass sticking out of my
hospital gown, while some guy was holding my hips from behind trying
to position me properly. It was like a bad scene from a prison movie.
I was praying he wasn't going to say; "I'm gonna make you squeal like a
pig boy."

Well, Arnold Schwarzenegger may have said "It's not a toooomar", but
in my case, it is. (Tumours , actually. So far, nothing
to worry about. (Oh, except for the fact that they're going to grow and
get really painful, and I won't know much else more for a while.)

That's my deal. I'm just hoping that whatever's my case is good news.

Cordially

Joe

The Whole Truth And Nuttin' But

Marcus Aurelius, the famed and infamous Roman Emperor once said;

“If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.”

Sage advice, but in our clouded counter culture, where Bill Clinton
lowered the bar for honesty around the lowest mark of a drunken limbo
contest at a wedding reception, it seems that even the most ardent of
those who espouse the virtues of truth, and honour could feel somewhat muddled.

"Truth", should not have to have quotation marks, just like Paris Hilton
should not have to carry around a breathalyser to know she's a brainless
drunken tart. It should be a given that truth should always simply be the
truth, just like Paris Hilton should always be stinking of over-priced
Martinis - both are just a given.

Now if any of my liberal minded, hybrid car driving, Keith Olbermann
worshipping, readers are thinking this is going to be some dissertation
against the just struggle in Iraq, you've come to the wrong spot. I
believe President Bush is an honest man, who is fighting to protect
innocent Iraqi's who had been terrorized and murdered for over a decade
under Saddam Hussein, and continue to be terrorized and murdered by crazed
Jihadists who want to push forth their reign of genocide.

Anyway, we won't go there today. Like James Bowman noted about
honor its concept has changed through the ages, and the same can be said about truth.

Truth is not subjective, nor is it, as the simpleton's conventional wisdom
says, "in shades of grey". Truth is truth, or at least until the media gets
their nefarious little hands on it.

The trouble lies in whether we always need to know the truth, and in whether
knowing the truth benefits us in any way. The brain sucking pod people at
CNN and the rest of the media have created the fiction that "the people have
the right to know" - but do we really, or is that just a euphemism the
media uses to destroy lives, and spread political agendas.

But what about withholding the truth? Is it any less dishonest than
an outright lie? To lie by omission is to remain silent, withholding
the truth from someone else. Silence is deception in that it gives a
false impression to the person from whom the information is being withheld.

I suppose this post is cathartic for me tonight, and perhaps a little aimless,
like Lindsay Lohan at a petting zoo after a meth bender. My point, (and I do
have one), is this.


"If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the
answer to”

Cordially

Joe

Lala-Pelosi!

I am by no means a techno-phobe, nor do I suffer from any of the
crippling impairments to modern technology sometimes referred to
as "old fartedness", or "computer-ma-jiggy". I am, however, sometimes
inept when it comes to taking full advantage of all the benefits
that new technology offers. Case in point. The comment function,
which allows my loyal readers to wax philosophical on any of my
blog posts, had been inadvertently turned off since my blog's inception.

There are many reasons why this may have occurred, among them, but
not limited to, the vast quantities of nail polish I sniff at local
pharmacies as an inexpensive form of recreation.

Anyway, if you look just below any of my posts, you'll see the words
"comments". Just click on it and you can comment, rant, or send
a plenary indulgence to a special friend in need of a fast track
to salvation.

Interesting to note that Nancy Pelosi tried to sound like a blue dog democrat
in the opening session of what shall now forever be referred to as our
long descent into the abyss of hell, or the new Democratic controlled
house and senate. Unless a vast majority of the American public violently
smacked their heads trying to jimmy a free can of Fresca out of the pop
machine, it's unlikely that anyone will forget that Mizz Pelosi has voted
for virtually every spending bill, and tax increase that ever came up for
a vote on the floor.

Insiders are predicting that despite all her "Reagan come lately" rhetoric,
she intends to be beholden to the extreme, left-wing, elements of the party.
How extreme you ask? So extreme that sources are saying Charlie Rangell,
has been tasked with the job of reigning her in to the center should she stray off
into Howard Dean's fantasy land of lunacy. Now, for those of you who are
unfamiliar with the inside workings of the democratic party, Pelosi having
to be kept in check by the likes of Charlie Rangell, is a little like having
Mike Tyson keep an eye on Mel Gibson's drinking.

The folks down at NRO will
be keeping an eye on the first 100 days of the new congress. So will I.

Cordially

Happy New Year (and why Wolfe Blitzer should auction his kidney on EBay!)

Happy 2007, which aside from the Iraqi people's quick and efficient
dispatch of Saddam "soap on a rope" Hussein, arrived without so much
as a whimper. The most excitement was my rematch with yet another
gastro intestinal virus, which had me grasping both sides of the toilet
bowl, like a rodeo cowboy trying desperately not to be knocked off of
his bull.

Quite a contrast to the year 2000, or Y2K, when people where stocking
up on canned goods and flashlights, waiting for the count of 12:00, which
would set into motion a cataclysmic chain of events that would have planes
falling out of the sky, and computer's malfunctioning worldwide. Many people
thought that Jan 1st, 2000, would usher in the beginning of a new Mad-Max society
were we would be using rag torches for light, and weaker family members for food.
Nothing happened, which was a sad moment for those of us who thought the
micro chip implanted in Al Gore's head would explode like a scene in Scanners.
Of course, even if the apocalyptic prophesies had come true, Mr Gore's head
would have been quiet safe from combustion, as pressure cannot exist within
a vacuum.

No real resolutions on the table for '07, expect I pledge to do more stuff,
instead of just talking about doing stuff - like trying to persuade Wolfe
Blitzer to sell one of his kidney's on EBay, in a mad kidney for profit scheme.
I just have to convince Mr. Blitzer of the cash windfall that would result
in the auctioning of his kidney, and of course, convincing EBay of the short
sightedness of their policy restricting the sale of human organs.

A few predictions though.

1 - I predict the media will spend the early part of the year making the
bogus argument that the execution of Saddam Hussein sparked an up swell of
violence in the region. Like crazy jihadists need any more motivation
to kill American troops and slaughter innocent civilians.

2 - I predict that retro-packaging will be all the rave.

3 - I predict that James Bowman's "Honor A History" will
be a run-away best seller.

4 - I predict that after a string of financial misadventures, Wolfe Blitzer will see the brilliance
of my kidney for profit scheme, and pony up his kidney.

5- I predict Ace will do more blogging, and by a strange chain of events, become
a force in the tournament poker world.

6- I predict that my baby and I will set a wedding date and live happily ever after.

7 - I predict that toast will enjoy a brief re-resurgance in popularity as a mid-day snack option.

8 - I predict that The Straight Hype will be on everyone's bookmark list.

Happy New Year

Cordially

Joe

Merry Christmas From The Hype

Happy non-deist, pan-ethnic, global time of moral relativism - formerly known
as Christmas, and shall henceforth, be forever referred to as "the other, awful
C-word.".

I don't want to get into a 14 paragraph diatribe, trying to convince the people
who sniff glue and read Jimmy Carter books, that Christmas continues to be
under attack by the pod people at the ACLU, and the usual gang of bah-humbuggers.
As most people who work in office settings, or have children in school know,
Christmas is definitely the "holiday non grata".

Most of us have become accustomed to being asked, or ordered, to refrain
from any mention, or suggestion of Christmas, out of "respect" for those
who have different belief systems.

Let me say this so there is no ambiguity. When we coerce or force citizens
to refrain from showing symbols of Christmas, we are not respecting differing
belief systems-we are catering to their intolerance, and prejudices.

Anyway, I don't want to be a cranky curmudgeon on Christmas day. I ate so much
turkey last night, I thought someone would have to call Jerry Springer to
come saw a hole in the front of my house, and wheel me out on a fork lift.

Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas, and a blessed holiday season.

Cordially

Joe

All Roads Lead To Friday

The weekend is upon us. Time to beckon your sommelier from the wine cellar,
and pick out the finest Macenudo from your humidor. Perhaps sit by a fire
and read a chapter from "God and Man at Yale". Or, if you're like me,
watch Cops while stuffing your face with Zesty Cheese Doritos.

Nothing too piquant to parlay to you this weekend. I have a rather lengthy
blog piece I'm working on regarding Quebec culture, or more precisely,
Quebec popular culture - so keep your eyes out for that.

On another note, the media's posthumous editorial castration of the newly
decomposing Mr Pinochet, wouldn't be so noteworthy, if it were not for the
gob-smacking hypocrisy, and the amped-up level of righteous indignation.
In the jaundiced eye of the far-left, there is but one standard for judging
evil, and that is being viewed by American conservative intellectuals
as having been a slightly more tolerable evil, than other evils. In the
eyes of the Keith Olbermann's of the world, there is no Gulag horrific enough
to shadow the horrors of having once had the marginal approval, of free market
reformers.

Anyway, tired of being a spectator? Want to be heard? Click on over to
Hype Nation,

Ghastly!

Cordially

Joe

Michael Ignatieff - Pudding Time!

See that picture? Little weird isn't it? Kinda looks like
one of the "special people" from the care home down the street
who just found out that they were going to be serving
chocolate pudding for desert. If you listen closely, you can
almost here him screaming; "YAY POOODING! YAY POOODING".

The man in that picture is Michael Ignatieff, who recently
lost his bid to become the next leader of Canada's liberal party.
Now, Mr. Ignatieff is a talented writer, and a pretty smart guy, as
far as left-wing pseudo intellectuals go. The point of the stock
photo I pulled off of google images, is to illustrate just how
ill at ease Mr. Ignatieff seems to be in public.

Throughout the day on Saturday, the cameras would pan in on him,
and would always capture, without exception, a range of bizarre
expressions. Phony smiles, shoulder nudges followed by wide-eyed,
feigned surprise, and this weird thing he continued to do with his
eyebrows, cocking them upwards to the point that they appeared to
touch his hairline.

He seems to constantly have the look of man who walked in on
his elderly parents making love at a young age, and has been
trying in vein to erase the mental image from his head for decades.

Michael Ignatieff is indeed an Enigma. A person, who David Frum once
described as ..."a man without empathy trying to understand those who
possess it...a man who has arrogantly separated himself from the suffering
human race grappling with the realization that he belongs to it"

Ignatieff admitted as much in his novel "Scar Tissue", a memorable
piece of Canadian literature, perhaps even reaching brilliance.

I guess I'll avoid tripping into psycho babble trying to explain the
possible emotional motivations of a man who inexplicably thrusts himself
into the political spotlight to try and better a nation filled with
people that, who by his admission, he doesn't understand, and feels
alienated from.

There's an old quote about Neville Chamberlain, I forget who said it,
it went something along the lines of; "When Neville Chamberlain was alone
in a room, no one was there, not even Chamberlain". It spoke to Chamberlain's
utter lack of a sense of self, a sad comment on a man who mimicked emotions,
because he had no clear understanding of what they where. Ignatieff seems to
suffer from the same form of social retardation, only he lacks the skills
to fake it.

Anyway, looks like Michael Ignatieff won't be getting his pudding - Political,
or otherwise. YAY POOODING!

Cordially

Joe

Weekend Update Time

Well another weekend has come and gone as we continue our womb
to tomb full tilt boogie to the rapture. What a week! Michael
Richards went on a racist tirade, stopping just short of doing
a black face skit, and singing Jimmy Crack Corn. Jim Webb, the
supposed "Democratic Southern Gentleman", made a complete,
undignified ass of himself at a White House Reception, and
the Democratic party continues to implode as another of Nancy
Pelosi's picks of the week got kicked to the curb.

It appears that Mizz Pelosi is so punch drunk with power, and possibly
cheap malt liquor, that she deluded herself into believing that the
public would overlook the fact that her nominee to head the House
Select Committee on Intelligence, Alcee Hastings, was impeached,
disbarred, and removed from the bench, for among other things, accepting
a $120,000 bribe that eventually led to 21 racketeering indictments.
Pelosi and the press tried to play the race card, but to little effect
given the scope of Hastings' misdeeds, and the sheer size of his waste.
(I'm told other smaller House members sometimes orbit around his hemispheric
mid section.)

Anyway I might as well end this with the strangest thing I overheard today;

"We had 4 dogs and a cat. My husband was mad because we had too many
pets, but the dogs ate the cat, so they kind of took care of the problem
for me"

Cordially

Joe

Can't Stop The Shop

If the record turnout for the post American Thanksgiving, Greco-Roman
orgy of shopping is any indication, this years X-Mas retail sales
are going to be higher than Willie Brown in a seedy motel room. So
frenzied was the shopping and eating extravaganza, that plumbing
calls for clogged sinks and backed up toilets increased by 50%
on that day alone!!. They don't call it black Friday for nothing.

As always, I encourage all my loyal readers to keep the free market rockin' in
the free world, and spend, spend, spend - like Ted Kennedy in a house of ill
repute on 2 for 1 Tuesday.

Now, as always, there are a few festive malcontents who smugly refrain
from any form of holiday philanthropy because of their disdain of the
very economic system that allows them the freedom to waste my hard
earned tax money, organizing protests so they can rid the world of Starbucks
coffee shops, while the rest of us have to actually work for a living. Frankly,
if these whiney little enviro-freaks want to knit reusable hemp tampons for
the person on their Secret Santa list, that's fine with me, as long as they
don't try to sell me any "Fair Trade" coffee beans. Remember, the next time
one of these anti-trade layabouts starts screaming about how your cup of
coffee comes from the work of exploited child labour, remind them that it's
their tiny hands that make it so tasty!!!

Ok, maybe the acidic nature of this update is a little out of sync with
the very spirit of Thanksgiving that is supposed to melt the heart of
even the most ardent of misanthropists amongst us. But, just like turkey
ain't turkey without the stuffing, the Hype ain't the Hype without taking a few
bow shots at lefties, liberals, paleo-liberals, extreme libertarians, and
their unkempt cousins, the anarchists - (to borrow a phrase from the
invaluable Jonah Goldberg)

Anyway, if you're still waiting for the plumber to retrieve the Playstation
you dropped down the toilet, while trying to get the high score on 'Aliens
versus Predator: Extinction' in the bathtub - hang tight. They're probably
next door trying to unclog the catastrophe the Ritalin fuelled kid from next
door stuffed down the kitchen sink.

Cordially

Joe

Zombification

Sorry for my post weekend delay, but I was plagued by the same intestinal
virus that floored my girlfriend a few weeks ago, landing me
an all expenses paid vacation with IV and all the amenities at the
Moncton City Hospital. Without getting into graphic details, let's
just say I was New Orleans, and the levees busted.

Anyway, I have to give my props to my main man Ace, who gave
me a shout-out over at his witty and illuminating site, where
he waxes blog-style, about everything from poker to politics, to
zombies.

A point of contention regarding Ace's Zombie post. Ace
refers to the fast moving flesh eating creatures in Danny
Boyle's '28 Days Later' as Zombies, when in fact, they're
actually infected with the "rage virus", as apposed to being
members of the walking dead. So there more like Michael Richards,
as apposed to the new Democratic controlled house and senate.

Cordially

Joe