...and don't let da kai hit your ass on the way out

Sources within the Chinese Government, including unnamed military sources and academics, have been hinting that China may a back a coup in Pyongyang after North Korea's drunken midget dictator, Kim Jong Il, tested a low yield nuclear weapon. China, who is no stranger to human rights abuses and brutal political suppression, seems to at least have the clarity to see that Kim Jong has gone beyond being a tyrant and a nuisance, and has become the region's version of a hyper-active child running with open scissors.

The Australian is reporting that the Chinese government is weighing the option of backing a regime change, after three internal coups failed and ended in bloodshed in the late 90's.

Though the initial reports are promising, whether China will act remains an open question. As one diplomat recently commented;

"The Chinese have given up on Kim Jong-il, the question is, what are they going to do about it?"

Cordially

Joe

Pychos in our Midst

Sorry about my rather lengthy absence. I was lost in a strange netherworld, sniffing airplane glue, huddled in the corner of my rat infested basement, writing cryptic Greek messages on the wall, and screaming about ants and Wilfred Laurier. Actually, I had to take a hiatus for a little over a year while I settled into to my new family life (details to follow). Anyway, what do you do with an unstable man who is constantly drunk on Hennessy brandy, wears lifts in his shoes due to his chronic insecurity about his height, spends endless hours in his private screening room watching Godzilla movies, and likes to play with nuclear weapons?

Giving him a tin-foil hat and a prime spot on main street might be your first answer, but what do you do when the basket case happens to be Kim Jong Il, the kooky dictator of one of the most basket case nations on the planet, North Korea? Well, if it's up to those bureaucrats who love endless dialogue and getting nothing done while sipping over-rated wine and eating stinky French cheeses, the answer is.....threaten to take away his bottle.

Yep, the get tough United Nations decided to go completely SHAK on his ass and threatened to inspect all outgoing cargo (impossible to enforce), and ban the sale of luxury items, meaning Kim's booze (also impossible to enforce). The problem lies with China, who uses North Korea as a way-station to smuggle out their own illegal stockpiles of weapons, and weird alternative health products like (and I'm not kidding) bull semen and crushed tiger penis.

China calls the shots on inspections, and has made it clear they will not comply with the resolutions, despite some earlier signs of hope, after even they got spooked when Captain Nut Job decided to detonate a low yield nuclear weapon off the coast of Korea. Spooked, but not spooked enough to keep those crates of illegal bull semen from leaving port to service the needs of aging hippies suffering from shrivelled willie syndrome.

President Bush, to his credit, seems to be the only one to have been bold enough to point out the fact that drunk crazy people shouldn't be allowed to have plutonium, but he also knows that the UN likes to talk endlessly about the things they might do, but never, ever do. All credit to American Ambassador Bolton for stressing the need for stiffer sanctions, and even managing to force a few of them through. But even the usual quick-to-act President Bush seems at a loss as to how to proceed next.

Where are the guys from South Park when you need them?

Cordially

Joe

A Pope For Our Times

The death of John Paul II has left the world with a profound sense of loss. Much of it has to do with the fact that he was one of the great icons of our generation. I can not, even if I reflect back to my childhood, ever remember a time when he wasn't around, when he wasn't "the Pope" - "our Pope". Over the past few days, there have been endless reflections on his indefatigueable spirit, his tireless ministry, his world travels, political shrewdness, and his respect for the dignity and value of all life, at every stage. Yet such a profound grief, I believe, is linked to a much deeper spiritual longing. The Pope was much more than the chief authority of the Catholic faith, he was a living validation of our own personal faith.

Many Christians struggle with their faith at varying points of their life. Their dilemma does not lie with church teachings or dogma, it is more often a lonely battle with the question of whether there is a God, and a risen Christ. They are universal fears, suffered by laymen and priests alike, fears that were often soothed when we gazed at the sublime face of the Holy Father.

It was always a matter of perspective. How could we doubt our faith when held against the unwavering belief of man so much more then ourselves? Here was a man that had visited over 120 countries, stood eye to eye with the communist masters who enslaved nations, and watched as their governments crumbled in bloodless revolutions. Here was a man who was a bestselling poet, author, and playwright, a man who spoke over a dozen languages, mastering six. But, above all these things, he was a humble servant of God, who ministered to the world.

When we gazed upon the Holy Father, all that he was, and the depth of his faith, it seemed foolish that we would question our own. His very humble greatness soothed us, comforted us, reminded us that our faith was living and breathing, that Christ worked in all of us.

Now our John Paul the Great has left us, and perhaps so has some of the comfort we drew from him - Comfort in the resurrection and the eternal. But I think that beyond all the wonderful blessings the Pope has left behind, both tangible and ethereal, the greatest of all, perhaps, is that he helped us to believe.

Cordially

Joe

Hunter S Thompson

Hunter S Thompson, the perpetually stoned, heavily armed, self proclaimed "Gonzo Journalist", was found dead Saturday morning at his home of an apparently self-inflicted gun shot wound to the head. Writing in National Review Online, columnist and one time Thompson confidant Austin Ruse writes;

"Thompson, the comic yet brilliant journalistic bumbler is sent as the skunk to the garden party where he promptly drinks all the scotch, all the gin, all the tequila, gets the waitresses stoned, frightens the horses, shocks the local burghers and constabulary, and still turns in an award-winning aricle to his faraway editors in San Francisco or New York."

Hunter was perhaps one of the most gifted, troubled writers of his generation. RIP.

Cordially

Joe

It's The New Math Baby!!

Were Wolf Blitzer and the gang of pod people at CNN too busy fantasizing about what their teacher would look like spread-eagled in peanut oil during grade 3 math that they couldn't figure out that 135,000 provisional ballots couldn't close a 165,000 vote gap in Ohio? Even the Count from Sesame Street had it figured out before 3am on election night, and he's a puppet with a hand up his ass - just like Barney Frank. Even I had it figured out, and I'm a half retarded Canadian, and no one has their hand up my ass unless I'm getting a prostate exam.

Cordially

Joe

ROCK THE VOTE BABY!!

Talk about ROCKING THE VOTE. Let's give a big round of applause for the media created fiction of the 18 to 23 year old voting block. When are the Chris Matthews' and Jeff Greenfield's of the world finally going to concede that after 30 years of being too stoned and/or apathetic to bother showing up to vote, they are not, and have never been, a "swing" group. As much as the Democratic party loves to fantasize about the rich bounty of leftist votes just waiting to be cast by the nipple pierced masses, when are they going to pack it in and give up?

Love

Claire

AL Franken Is A Big Fat Idiot

Looks like Air America, the left's "alternative" to conservative talk radio, has come crashing to the ground. After less than a month, the network is already off the air in New York and LA, after bouncing checks for rented air space. The network issued a two-pronged response; First, they called the man they screwed out of his money, Arthur Liu, a "Liu-ser" (Wow!! It's now ok for liberals to make fun of Asian names!!); Second, they defended the station by blaming it all on the "right-wing media".

"What they don't want to tell you," claims the station's web site, "is that we're still on the air in Portland." WOW!! Portland! The holy grail of broadcasting. Who cares if you lose the two largest markets in North America, as long as you're on the air in Portland!!

Cordially

Joe

Great Balls Of Fire!!

In an upscale neighborhood in North Kokata, a domestic squabble turned deadly when Mr Maras Halder, fed up with his wife's lax attitude towards teenage discipline, decided to have the last word by dousing himself in gasoline and setting himself ablaze. The family has requested that the remains be cremated.



Cordially

Joe

All You Need is Love!

A Spanish court has sentenced the Reverend Mohomad Kamal to 15 months in prison after advising his flock to be more sensitive when beating their women. Mr Kamal, ever the true Arab feminist, suggested that when smacking around their women, men should only strike the hands and feet, using a light metal rod that "doesn't leave scars and bruises". The courts disagreed, and convicted him of inciting violence against women.

Cordially

Joe

Gay Marxist Smurfs!!!

I liked the Smurfs, because it was based on classic political theory, but now that I'm older, I think it was an attempt to brainwash children into endorsing a bizarre version of gay Marxism. Think about it. 98 shirtless men and one woman who live in a giant commune, where individual effort is discouraged? Their one attempt at self-government resulted in a massive flood that almost destroyed the entire village. Hmmmmm...


Cordially

Joe