Friday, June 27, 2008

Weekend Inferno

First off, thank you all for the concern you've expressed over my illness, but really, it was nothing serious. I have not come down with dyspepsia, shingles, or the avian flu. I didn't travel anywhere where you have to boil your water, and I didn't lay a sloppy one on the passenger next to me on a flight back from China. It was a run of the mill case of the flu, so please don't be concerned, and stop sending wreaths to my house - they're starting to rot.

Ever rip the backside of your jeans on casual day at work? I did. I felt a draft. It was the first sign. The second sign, aside from the ear piercing rip, was that some of my colleagues were seeing a lot more of me then they would have cared to. I had to zip off to the store to get a new pair of jeans, which I needed anyway. That's the thing with a favourite pair of jeans - you tend to wear them until they rip like thunder, or blow away like dandelion spores. Not pleasant. Anyway, you may now call me "thunderpants" if you would like.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm working on an Obama piece, but I want it to be air tight, like Barney's Frank's bloated ass, or that lady at the bus stop whose feet are swollen because she's retaining too much water. What makes Obama's past disturbing are not the rodents that are coming out of the woodwork, but the collective and radical beliefs they all hold. Obama seems to be on a daily filibuster express where he's constantly dissociating himself from segregationists, people who still believe in eugenics, and creepy slum lords who are now in the slammer. The Senator from Illinois keeps throwing his hands in the air claiming; "I didn't know these people held these repugnant views". As my new piece will point out, to believe that, the Senator would have to be extremely naive and/or stupid, or a back stabbing liar and con artist. Whether you check box A or B, it casts serious doubt on his fitness to be Commander in Chief. He's also getting sloppy on the stump, and reports are surfacing that he's useless without a teleprompter or prepared remarks. McCain is starting to go in for the kill, and the media have been strangely distancing themselves from their beloved golden boy, which leads me to believe they're sitting on something they're reluctant to throw at him...for now.

Anyway, I've got company coming, and the lovely Miss Claire and I have to get ready to be the half-assed hosts we're famously known for - but before you hit the X, enjoy the hypnotic Regina Spektor singing Samson from her latest album "Begin to Hope"

Have a good weekend.



Sunday, June 08, 2008

Blogging by Numbers - The Blog Before the Blogs

As you are now aware, my chest puffing about the site not going dark during my state to state quest through the cradle of liberty was indeed just chest puffing. I can blame it on some essential accessories we forgot to bring, the hectic travel schedule, our near-death battle with an army of pots and pans ninja robots, and the unfortunate incident involving missing the Jersey turnpike 3 times. Truth be told, while these are all legitimate considerations, in the end, we were on vacation and sometimes you have to leave behind the gadgets, laptops, cell phones, blackberries, and all the other whirly gigs that seem forever fused to our persons. Let the blogging by numbers begin!

1 - I sincerely apologize to those who where checking the site regularly for pictures of Claire and I standing with silly grins in front of all of your marvellous and iconic landmarks, but we'll have those for you soon. No one likes to look at other people's vacation pictures anyway. Isn't that on the list of people's top ten pet peeves? Right up there with people who display wood carvings of Dale Earnhardt in their living room, and people who start off letters to the editor with the preface "I don't usually write letters to the editor, but...".

2 - Anyway, lots of things have happened on the political landscape while we were away. It looks like Jonah Goldberg's allusion to smiley faced fascism may be coming to America sooner than you think - and it's name is Barack Obama. If the pixie dust hasn't cleared from your eyes yet, and you've yet to see that Obama's promise of "change" is really just re-hashed 1960's radicalism, you need a bitch slap. And then there's the litany of criminals, eugenics spouting anti-Semitic pastors, and murdering ex-terrorists that Obama has to distance himself from everyday. These were all his dearest friends and closest associates until very recently. All hold radical views, his wife being among the list. We all have a nut or two in our intimate group we call friends; However, few of us have such low moral standards as to call anti-Semites, segregationists, con-artists, and murders best buddies. We'll get to that a little later on this week.

3 - I will write about the trip. The kindness and hospitality of Americans is something that I will forever remember - the quaint little diners and corner stores run by Koreans and other immigrants, with beautiful oriental streamers hanging from the walls, all adorned with American flags at the tail end, signs next to the menus that proclaimed "support our troops", and men and woman so proud that they had sliced out a little piece of America for themselves, that were grateful for every day; The desk where Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence; The love and reverence of the people restoring President Madison's home. All are a testament to the beauty and freedom that is America and the American people.

4 - Looks like the New Brunswick Liberal party is finally getting something right, if they are to be believed. Finance minister Victor Boudraeu is talking about lowering the corporate income tax rate to anywhere from 13% to 5%. Such a move - inspired no doubt by consultations with Frank McKenna - would be a boon to the economy and much needed dose of common sense in an otherwise directionless and incompetent administration. Don't hold your breath.

5 - CNN rarely astounds me, but today, during a round table with Wolfe Blitzer about whether or not John McCain's war experience and subsequent captivity as a POW was an asset to the McCain camp over the war on terror, CNN's resident drunken glue sniffer, Jack Cafferty, had the following to say; "Yeah, but what have you done for me lately?" The arrogance and pettiness of this statement is astounding. John McCain is a decorated Vietnam veteran who spent 5 and half years in Vietnam POW camp, refusing to go - despite several opportunities - until every other man in his unit was let go first. Jack Cafferty's claim to fame is leaving the scene of an accident after hitting a cyclist with his car. Now that's courage. To quote Tucker Carlson, Mr Cafferty, you are a drunk and a retard and you'd probably be a wife beater if you had better aim.