Thursday, November 30, 2006

Weekend Update Time

Well another weekend has come and gone as we continue our womb
to tomb full tilt boogie to the rapture. What a week! Michael
Richards went on a racist tirade, stopping just short of doing
a black face skit, and singing Jimmy Crack Corn. Jim Webb, the
supposed "Democratic Southern Gentleman", made a complete,
undignified ass of himself at a White House Reception, and
the Democratic party continues to implode as another of Nancy
Pelosi's picks of the week got kicked to the curb.

It appears that Mizz Pelosi is so punch drunk with power, and possibly
cheap malt liquor, that she deluded herself into believing that the
public would overlook the fact that her nominee to head the House
Select Committee on Intelligence, Alcee Hastings, was impeached,
disbarred, and removed from the bench, for among other things, accepting
a $120,000 bribe that eventually led to 21 racketeering indictments.
Pelosi and the press tried to play the race card, but to little effect
given the scope of Hastings' misdeeds, and the sheer size of his waste.
(I'm told other smaller House members sometimes orbit around his hemispheric
mid section.)

Anyway I might as well end this with the strangest thing I overheard today;

"We had 4 dogs and a cat. My husband was mad because we had too many
pets, but the dogs ate the cat, so they kind of took care of the problem
for me"



Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Can't Stop The Shop

If the record turnout for the post American Thanksgiving, Greco-Roman
orgy of shopping is any indication, this years X-Mas retail sales
are going to be higher than Willie Brown in a seedy motel room. So
frenzied was the shopping and eating extravaganza, that plumbing
calls for clogged sinks and backed up toilets increased by 50%
on that day alone!!. They don't call it black Friday for nothing.

As always, I encourage all my loyal readers to keep the free market rockin' in
the free world, and spend, spend, spend - like Ted Kennedy in a house of ill
repute on 2 for 1 Tuesday.

Now, as always, there are a few festive malcontents who smugly refrain
from any form of holiday philanthropy because of their disdain of the
very economic system that allows them the freedom to waste my hard
earned tax money, organizing protests so they can rid the world of Starbucks
coffee shops, while the rest of us have to actually work for a living. Frankly,
if these whiney little enviro-freaks want to knit reusable hemp tampons for
the person on their Secret Santa list, that's fine with me, as long as they
don't try to sell me any "Fair Trade" coffee beans. Remember, the next time
one of these anti-trade layabouts starts screaming about how your cup of
coffee comes from the work of exploited child labour, remind them that it's
their tiny hands that make it so tasty!!!

Ok, maybe the acidic nature of this update is a little out of sync with
the very spirit of Thanksgiving that is supposed to melt the heart of
even the most ardent of misanthropists amongst us. But, just like turkey
ain't turkey without the stuffing, the Hype ain't the Hype without taking a few
bow shots at lefties, liberals, paleo-liberals, extreme libertarians, and
their unkempt cousins, the anarchists - (to borrow a phrase from the
invaluable Jonah Goldberg)

Anyway, if you're still waiting for the plumber to retrieve the Playstation
you dropped down the toilet, while trying to get the high score on 'Aliens
versus Predator: Extinction' in the bathtub - hang tight. They're probably
next door trying to unclog the catastrophe the Ritalin fuelled kid from next
door stuffed down the kitchen sink.



Sunday, November 26, 2006


Sorry for my post weekend delay, but I was plagued by the same intestinal
virus that floored my girlfriend a few weeks ago, landing me
an all expenses paid vacation with IV and all the amenities at the
Moncton City Hospital. Without getting into graphic details, let's
just say I was New Orleans, and the levees busted.

Anyway, I have to give my props to my main man Ace, who gave
me a shout-out over at his witty and illuminating site, where
he waxes blog-style, about everything from poker to politics, to

A point of contention regarding Ace's Zombie post. Ace
refers to the fast moving flesh eating creatures in Danny
Boyle's '28 Days Later' as Zombies, when in fact, they're
actually infected with the "rage virus", as apposed to being
members of the walking dead. So there more like Michael Richards,
as apposed to the new Democratic controlled house and senate.



Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Weekend Update

Oy! Barely a week after the midterm elections and Nancy Pelosi
and the Democrats are already imploding. Pelosi, who the media
likes the refer to as a doting grandmother, but who more closely
resembles a mildly retarded, angry feminist cyborg, had her top
pick for Majority leader John Murtha, handily rejected by her
party - opting instead to vote for her personal nemesis Steny Hoyer,
who trounced Murtha by a vote of 149 to 86. It was amusing to see
Pelosi try and keep her composure under the glare of the media lights,
especially given the fact that she hates Steny Hoyer, the way Skelator
hates Heman. Her fake smile made her look like a Mary Kay agent,
who showed up drunk in the lobby of a hotel. This is what happens
when you vote for Democrats. It's bad for the country, but great
for my blog!

Anyway, I'm off to the Saint Andrew's for the weekend, so
you'll have to peruse through the nifty archive on the top right
hand corner of the page, if you need your daily fix of the Straight
Hype - heroin for the conservative-libertarian in all of you!

Trivia for the Week...

The Straight Hype was once a web site that was rated one of the
top 10 conservative web sites in North America. What was its
original name?

Email your answer to

Monday, November 13, 2006


Many of my readers have been asking where the reader mail
section is, and well, the answer is a little complicated.

I conscientiously read all of my emails and respond to all questions
and comments in a timely and courteous manner. My readers are important
to me. They are the lifeblood of this organ. Without you, the Hype would
be just another dot-com cargo cult in the wasteland of cyberspace. But
somewhere, in between your family outing to the monster truck pull and
your appearance on Judge Judy, you email my blog and pollute my inbox
with the noisy static that crams up the inner workings of your brain.

Admittedly, I am a bit of an intellectual tricotteuse. It's one thing to
give slaps to liberals, paleo-liberals, and rabid Jacobites, but some of
you somehow manage to fall outside of the ice-cold grip of stereotype.

You are the people who think music hit its apex when Lynard Skynard
recorded "Sweet home Alabama". The kind of folks who declare they'll never
visit "Effigy" because it seems someone's always getting hung there. You
know who you are. You buy generic soda pop, and own a copy of "Wrestle
Mania III". You think the West reached an all-new cultural plateau when
Garth Brooks broke the mould by tearing down the walls between country
and rock, spawning the insipid "Country Rock" genre.

Now, before you all grab rag torches and drag me out of my house in the
middle of the night, let me be clear that reader mail, as my old fans
remember, is not a place where I pat my loyal readers on the backs.
My readers are always quick to send kind words and comments every day.
Reader mail is where I disembowel people who make the mistake of whipping
off poorly worded emails laced with insults, and infantile pseudo-Trotskyite

Anyway, the site is picking up steam, and running fast - like Rosie
O'Donnell trying to get the last chicken wing at the all you can eat

Please be patient.




Being a child born well into the Age of Reason, I don't easily fall
victim to claims of malevolent auras pervading the atmosphere - that
was until read of a near-fatal airborne bovine catastrophe in Turkey.

Reports are that diners at a swank restaurant in Istanbul were nearly
flattened into their karniyarik after a cow crashed through the roof
of the establishment. Miraculously, no one was injured but the cow is
quite dead. Whether the cow was already on the roof at the time of the
incident, and just how it got there in the first place, remains a mystery.

Why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks'.



Thursday, November 09, 2006

Mid Term Malaise

Tuesday's mid term election was a lot of things, but it
certainly was not an endorsement of the
Democratic party, nor was it a carte-blanche mandate, for Nancy Pelosi's
extreme left wing agenda. A closer look at how Americans voted on
various ballot initiatives, as well as the social and fiscal
conservative leanings of the candidates they chose, show that
the Democratic leadership would be ill advised to misread the

Without a doubt, Iraq came into play, but not to the extent, or the
way in which pundits would have you believe. Democrats simply enjoyed
a strange anomaly of the American electoral system called the 6 year itch.

Since 1934, during the 6th year of a two term presidency, the opposite
party has always picked up congressional seats. The exception being
the second year of Bill Clinton's presidency, when Democrats got
whacked like a tardy Japanese housewife.

There are a myriad of reasons why Republicans have found themselves
in the current situation of being the minority party in both houses,
but the 2000 pound elephant in the room that sycophantic pundits are
too blind to see, is that somewhere along the line, Republican's just
stopped being Republicans.

The American electorate have always been predominately conservative,
and the Republican leadership has offered nothing over the last 8 years
but run away pork spending, soft leadership on social issues, and backstabbing
the administration when the war began to go south. Tuesday was the political
version of jury nullification. A not so gentle reminder to Republicans
that the conservative revolution that was set into motion by Newt Gingrich
almost a decade ago has fallen off the track.

There are many lessons to be learned down at the RNC over the next
two years, the question is, is anyone listening.



Thursday, November 02, 2006

Bow Wowser!!!

Now I know all you global, pan-enthnicity layabouts get your Birkenstocks
in a knot every time I wax on about the moral superiority of Western
culture, or how capitalism is the only real moral vehicle to promote
democracy and freedom to the those living under the jackboots of the
leviathan state around the world. A recent AP story, however, may have
you thinking twice before taking Fido on your next world tour.

The Canadian Food Inspection Agency recently rebuffed a second effort
by the South Korean government to import thousands of cans of dog meat
(yes, dog meat) for sale on the Canadian market. Now if the idea of canine
in a can isn't revolting enough in itself, vendors at the last World Cup
were reported to have sold thousands of cans of "Dog Meat Juice" to thirsty
soccer Hooligans who lapped up the stuff like citrus Gatorade.

Who the hell would market a dog-based sports drink?

"Canine Aide - Unleash the Power"

Ick. Anyway, Canadian officials were reluctant to point out there
is technically no law preventing this crap from being imported.
Maybe they can give a free tin away with every case of Budweiser.

Both are unfit for human consumption.



Wednesday, November 01, 2006

No Joking Matter

Thank you John Kerry. No, I haven't been sniffing paint thinner, I'm
actually grateful that the would be President decided to turn the mid-
term elections into his own personal soap box to gripe about his
failed presidential bid.

No doubt the folks down at the DNC are using 4 letter expletives
before Senator Kerry's name, after John-boy decided to denigrate
the good name of the troops two days ago, when he told a group of
California students that individuals who don't study hard and do their
homework would likely "get stuck in Iraq". Sure Mr Kerry. Knuckle
dragging troglodytes like ex-NFL player Pat Tillman, who gave his
life fighting in Iraq. Folks like Mr Tillman don't represent the bottom
rung of the success ladder, they represent the top of it. People who
studied hard. People who did their homework. People who ended up in Iraq,
and served their country with honour.

So you might ask, why am I thanking John Kerry? Certainly not for
besmirching our troops, but for giving the public a much needed
reminder of what the country has in store with people like Senator Kerry
and Nancy Pelosi at the helm. A not so subtle reminder of why they
relected President Bush in 2004, and why they should keep Democrats
out of the house and Senate in 2006.

Perhaps John O'Neil says it best;

“Kerry has stated this was just a misfired joke. But it was not a
joke to the Pennsylvania mother with two sons in the Marines in Iraq
(who both volunteered with MBAs and far higher grades than C-student Kerry)
who recently called me crying. Nor was it a joke to millions of us who
listened to our maimed and dead friends described by Kerry in 1971 as an army
of rapists and murderers."